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What should I do?? My SIL has taught her son to call my 4 year old ugly!!

Her son is 3 and mine is four. Today he kept calling my son ugly. SHE is the one that taught him this and laughed everytime he did it. I told her what he is saying is very mean and hurtful. She just blew me off and said that it is funny and not a big deal. My son is old enough to understand what he is saying and it did bother him. He later asked me if he was ugly. I told him no and reassured him a million times over that he is beautiful, cute, handsome, ect. He said that he doesn't like Mikey, his cousin. I understand that he is hurt, I don't know what step to take next. I wouldn't mind one bit if we never went to see my in laws again.... but I know that my husband would care. What do I do now??


Asked by Anonymous at 11:04 PM on May. 11, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • I agree with anon :10. There is not a whole lot that you can do in this situation. She is choosing how to raise her children. You telling her that she is wrong will cause way more problems. Also telling the boy that he is being mean won't do any good. She will most likely get mad at you for undermining her parenting and it won't make the slightest difference to the boy. What he is doing is acceptable and funny in his family. Having his aunt scold him about it will only make him not like you. He has no understanding that what he is doing is wrong. I do also agree that you need to stand up for your son. Make a bigger deal of it to her. Tell her how it hurt your sons feelings not just yours. She probably thinks he doesn't understand what is being said. Cutting off ties is a bad idea too. It will cause bad blood and make your husband feel that he has to choose you over his family.


    Answer by AnnaMac at 11:57 PM on May. 11, 2009

  • I would stop going for a while...I would also sit down (you, your hubby, her and her hubby) and talk about this.

    Answer by BethTTC at 11:07 PM on May. 11, 2009

  • I would tell your dh's to tell his brother how uncool it is for her to do that and that you DEMAND an apology for your son. If she won't do it then I would sever all ties with her and her kid. If your dh won't talk to his brother about it then kick him in the nuts and tell him that that is how your son felt when his cousin was calling him ugly.

    Answer by Nathskitten at 11:08 PM on May. 11, 2009

  • Either let the kid be called ugly or stand up to the mom more and tell her you won't tolerate it and her child will be disciplined if he says it in your house. You are your childs only advocate. Either stand up and speak up or sit down and shut up.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:09 PM on May. 11, 2009

  • She taught her son to call other kids names?? She sounds extremely immature! The bad thing is it will only get worse. She is creating a monster and will regret it in the future.
    I wish I could help you and have some great answer. You certainly can't tell her how to raise her kids, that would cause a lot of family drama. Unfortunately she is your husband's sister.... so you gotta put up with her the rest of your lifetime.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:10 PM on May. 11, 2009

  • I would not take my child around them anymore. Just explain the situation to your DH and if he won't stick up for your son, then you need to be the one to.

    Answer by maggiemom2000 at 11:13 PM on May. 11, 2009

  • i would have my husband talk to her (if its his sister) or his brother. if she didn't listen to you probably won't listen to them and is just a mean hearted person. in that case, i would pick my son up and leave if they do it again. i don't care if it meant leaving dh at the house, or sitting outside waiting for him to get his butt outta there. that or tell your husband he can go visit all he wants but you won't be going back, and either will your son until he gets an apology, you get an apology and they stop doing it.

    Answer by vabchmommy at 11:13 PM on May. 11, 2009

  • you tell the kid not to say that in front of his mother and tell him it is not nice and be firm. And you must get him to apologize. Do not put up with shit from you in-laws protect your kid.

    Answer by gammie at 11:25 PM on May. 11, 2009

  • wow that sucks
    little things like that can be husgley hurtful to little ones
    i would not let the cuz around my son anymore
    and would surley voice my opinion on the matter to everyone involved

    Answer by mommymeg03 at 11:48 PM on May. 11, 2009

  • tell your nephew himself as soon as you are next in his company and tell his mom or dad too that what he said is bad and mean and will not be tolerated. those words can be the onset of early bullying, especially of nephew goes to the same school as ds. let sil and kid, hubbies know that bad talk and behavior from the onset means you and your ds will leave and won't have another gathering. say it firmly without yelling. Good Luck!!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:00 AM on May. 12, 2009