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HOW do I get over this guy?

I grew up with a great guy. We were the best of friends. Inseparable. Even to this day, I connected with him like I never have with anyone else. By high school, I was desperately in love with him. However, he made it very clear that he was only interested in me as a friend. I figured it was better to just be his best friend then to lose him, so that's just how it was.
We went our separate ways for college and it about killed me losing him. I thought about him every day. I had no choice but to move on. I dated a lot of guys, and finally found my awesome husband. We married. But the problem? I could not stop thinking of this other guy.
Fast forward 15 years. At Christmas, we're in my hometown. Would you believe it that my former best friend was there at the grocery store. I swear my heart stopped beating. He's now married with 5 kids. I have 2. We exchanged emails.
We've been emailing each other constantly every since.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:52 AM on May. 12, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • yopu cannot get over someone who is that close to you. Stop emailing, let him know you cant talk to him anymore and let him go.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:55 AM on May. 12, 2009

  • It's all friendly emails. I always make sure that I only write things I'd be ok with my husband if he read them. But I've come to realize I've never stopped loving this guy. Every time I get an email, my heart jumps in delight. HOW do I get over this guy? 15 years apart didn't do it. I hoped that if I started talking to him again, I'd realize he wasn't so great and get over him. Can you really love someone you never had a romantic relationship with? What should I do? Break contact again for 15 years and still think of him every day? Or keep emailing him in hopes that eventually I'll get over him. The good thing is he lives in Cali and I live in Seattle, so I won't see him. That should help. I don't know what to do. Help please.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:55 AM on May. 12, 2009

  • You need closure, you need to let him go. This is going to create issues within your marriage, even if you're harmlessly emailing. You obviously still care for this man, which may make you drive a wedge in the relationship between your husband & yourself.

    I've been there, I just wanted to be friends and it made me question the current relationship. Created unnecessary issues when I would never leave my husband!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:01 AM on May. 12, 2009

  • girl you never are gonna ever get over him. If you havent after getting married to your husband and having 2 wonderful children with him. then you never will! Just be happy you can be friends again and if thats not good enough. then you need to confront him and also tell him you can no longer be friends with him! He is obviously happy with his wife. why cant you be happy with your hubby and still be friends? I mean. he clearly told you years ago that he just wanted a friendship and now you run into him and your heart gets POUNDING and your palms get sweaty all over again? He probably still ONLY wants a friendship- so TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT! Dont let your feelings for him affect your relationship with your hubby either or you will be the only one in the end without a mate! Sorry, but its the truth! I would just remain friends and get over him by finding SOMETHING WRONG WITH HIM! LOL As hard as it may be! Good luck!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:02 AM on May. 12, 2009

  • and if you cannot just be friends and loose the feelings you have for him then tell him goodbye!
    sxc_mom_of2

    Answer by sxc_mom_of2 at 2:06 AM on May. 12, 2009

  • Thanks to all who have answered. Of course I am going to do my best to not let this affect my relationship with my husband. And I truly ONLY want friendship with this guy as obviously there can be nothing more. It just drives me crazy that I can't get over him and we never even had a romantic relationship?!!! How insane am I? Maybe I just never will get over this one guy. But WHY?
    Gosh, I'm an idiot. I've got a great husband....why have I been thinking of this guy for the last 15 years. Thanks for all who've listened to me and have given advice.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:13 AM on May. 12, 2009

  • I've recently found this awesome advise columnist she is very new, but good. I asked he a question and she gave me great advise. This is a sticky situation I suggest seek a pro. She is a member on here and her web page is www.wix.com/sweetsense/sweetsense. Good luck sorry I couldn't help
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:10 AM on May. 12, 2009

  • I think it wasn't love at all.. it was infatuation and because it was only in your heart and not his, you'll never know what it was like to have a relationship with him and that's what the problem is I think. The what if's are hard to live with sometimes. But I promise you, more often than not, they weren't all you thought they were then, and they're not now either. There's some people you can care for from afar but it could never workd out in real life even if both of you are single.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 8:10 AM on May. 12, 2009

  • you need closure. i had a really fast break up with my ex and then a few years after getting married i found myself dreaming about him all the time and even going so far as to look him up on networking sites. i never found him, but found out that right after me he knocked some girl up and then denied the baby and left the state. it wasn't exactly the closure i was looking for........but it sure got him off my mind for good.
    that_one_chick

    Answer by that_one_chick at 8:53 AM on May. 12, 2009

  • You are aware of your feelings. Therefore you are purposely putting yourself, your marriage, and your children in harms way. Grow up, let it go and stay with your husband and your children. The grass is always greener until you have to mow it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:24 PM on May. 12, 2009

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