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HELP!! Troubled Marriage

My husband & I are having trouble in our marriage! We aruge all the time and we don't have fun anymore together. I'm not in love with him any more however I don't want to give up because I still love him just not in that way. I was wanting to know if any of you have any ideas to help me get that love back that I had for him? I want to be back in love with him.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:23 AM on May. 12, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (18)
  • So then I make a solution: What can *I* do to make it better? So I decide to try not letting things get to me, and I be nice even when he isn't. Guess what? Very shortly after, his attitude toward me changed completely. I think showing by example will help more than telling them over and over. Instead of looking at him and thinking he just needs to quit being an ass, he's the one at fault etc. look at yourself and what YOU can do to make it better, and it usually affects how THEY treat you when they see that you are treating them good. Find what your husband dislikes about you, and work on it, and see if it makes a difference in how he treats you. Quit focusing on his problems, and just work on yours, and you might be surprised that it will rub off on him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:48 PM on May. 12, 2009

  • sorry you are in this place mom. :o( This is my honest opinion on being in love....we as women will go to the end of the earth for someone when we are in love with them. But once that love is gone-truly gone_ we are done, no turning back.have you tried counseling? that may help you reconnect and love can grow from it. good luck.
    Bearsjen

    Answer by Bearsjen at 11:27 AM on May. 12, 2009

  • Take a few minutes to think about what you did at the beginning of your relationship that made the 2 of you a couple. Did you exercise together or go to new restaurants or paint or whatever? Then see if you can put that back into your life. Set aside one night a week to have a date with your DH. Even if you don't have a lot of money, put the kids in bed, turn OFF the TV, & have a quiet dinner or dessert. If you can afford a sitter, go out. Agree to put aside the topics that lead to arguments for one night & just enjoy each other. You also might want to try counseling.
    funnyface1204

    Answer by funnyface1204 at 11:28 AM on May. 12, 2009

  • Get to know each other again. Make it a point to have a date night once a week, maybe a Friday evening, just the 2 of you. Talk, a lot, make sure you involve him in every decision, and he does the same with you. Try to remember what brought you both together in the beginning. Rekindle the romance, make it a point to take a bath/shower together everynight. Make it a rule that you only sleep naked, and have to touch each other. And you have to tell him you Love him everyday, and the same for him. It all has to be a mutual effort or it won't work.
    Also maybe consider marriage counseling if the above doesn't work..
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:31 AM on May. 12, 2009

  • Sometimes that can be tricky and impossible. You should date again. Each other I mean. Take one day a week, get someone to watch the kids for the night. Go to a dinner, the beach(if you live close to one), rent a hotel room, go to a movie, go to marriage counseling, do some things that you two did before you got married, visit places you went to like where you first kissed, first met, where you fell in love,
    take a weekend when you are both off, get someone to watch your kids for that weekend. Go to a scenic place that has a lodge or hotel.

    What state do you live in?
    2wndrfl_btrflys

    Answer by 2wndrfl_btrflys at 11:31 AM on May. 12, 2009

  • I live in NC!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:34 AM on May. 12, 2009

  • Counseling, sounds like thats the way to go. Im am so sorry that you are going though this. It just be over between the both of you but before you completely give up and split up try counceling and if he will not do it then i would split if he is not willing to fix whats broken, then move on. It takes to to fix a relationship. Good luck
    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 11:34 AM on May. 12, 2009

  • We have started looking at counseling and we are both willing to do and I am determined to make it work! I dont want a failed marriage and I don't want to put my children through this!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:40 AM on May. 12, 2009

  • This is my honest opinion on being in love....we as women will go to the end of the earth for someone when we are in love with them. But once that love is gone-truly gone_ we are done, no turning back.

    Thank God this is only your opinion and so untrue.

    You can get that back. Marriage has ups and downs we have been married 20 years and there have been three points I felt I was not in love with him. The strong friendship and commitment we have to each other pulled us through those times. Marriage is not easy and not for the weak. If a couple has two strong people not easily distracted they are the 50 percent who make it. I would seek marriage counseling and would start dating your spouse again. Get to know one another all over again. I learn new things about my spouse daily. We leave each other notes some are sexy some sweet. We keep it flirty and fun. You can make it if you choose to.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:58 AM on May. 12, 2009

  • I think it's crazy how people automatically say they "aren't in love" anymore when something like this happens. Don't get me wrong, I've been right where you are, but you have to remember that love is NOT a feeling, it is a commitment, and a choice to be with someone and faithfully commit to being the best wife you can be. It's a choice to be with someone through good times, and extremely bad times. Your feelings are just emotions due to the strain that has been on your marriage. Look at it this way...You probably dated before marrying your H, and I bet you probably started getting strong feelings for your boyfriends at first. I bet you felt those feelings when you met your husband too. Of course it's wore down, that's because those feelings are just a spark and love is ever lasting. I don't think the case is that you're not in love with him, I think it's that you are fed up with how your marriage has been. Cont.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:37 PM on May. 12, 2009

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