Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

how far is too far.

my son is trying to see how far he can push me. i tell him that he is not to jump on the couch or he is going to have to set in the floor and he does it again. I tell him to stop hitting his drink with the fork or he is going to spill it and not get anything else to drink and he spilled it. I tell him to stop breaking his crayons or he is not going to have anymore, well they are all broke into small peices that he cant even hold. The list just goes on. I think he is well behaved until his birthday and bamn the little moster just came out of him. He turned 4 April 8. I am at my wits end with him. Time out, spanking, sending him to his room nothing is working. Any ideas.

Answer Question
 
twinsnseptember

Asked by twinsnseptember at 12:32 PM on May. 12, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 6 (108 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • im not gonna be any help but im in the same boat with my 3yr daughter. ive been asking her to pick up her legos for the past 20 min so i started to help her and she yelled at me!! so frustrating. but nothing works with her either. you are not alone.
    jac1908

    Answer by jac1908 at 12:36 PM on May. 12, 2009

  • I think you're off to a good start. Preschoolers love to push their boundaries and see where they can seize control of their own little universe. Give him some control in areas where you can afford to do so. In some of the examples you've given, the consequences could come a little quicker. If he broke a crayon after the first warning, remove the crayons and tell him he can earn them back by proving he's able to treat his possessions with respect, as well as follow simple rules. I've also taken my child's utensil's away when she was banging them on the table.

    On the other hand, you need to figure out where you can give up some slack too. If he breaks the crayons is it really the end of the world? I'm not saying replace them - just that some things aren't worth the battle. Give one warning and leave it at that. Set times "i'll buy crayons every 6 months not sooner." So he waits...and he'll get it eventually.
    ldmrmom

    Answer by ldmrmom at 12:44 PM on May. 12, 2009

  • Do a reward system! That is the only way I can get my daughter to listen! She does it also! I think it is a phase! Another thing is how you react in the situation! Sometimes kids can feel your emotions! Then they start feeling same way! When he starts doing it take the stuff away and remove the stuff from the table and tell him that lunchtime is over! Try getting the fat primary colors crayons they should last! I put my daughter in time out for four minutes ! If that doesn't change make an appointment for a behavior therapist so they can help you
    wlradun

    Answer by wlradun at 12:45 PM on May. 12, 2009

  • Reward systems are terrible because they learn they should only do things with a reward -- their motivation to be good kids who listen is external instead of promoted from inside themselves. Check out "Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline." Worked wonders for my kiddos. Your child doesn't need a behavior therapist, he needs to learn his actions have consequences. Break your crayons, no more crayons.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:02 PM on May. 12, 2009

  • This is normal. It is critical that you follow through on what you say you will do.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 2:48 PM on May. 12, 2009

  • Im going thru the same thing with my 3 year old he turned three in march and it just seemed to happen with him overnight. His parents are split. Im the step mom, they split over 6 months ago he was living with his mother during the week and we ( his father and i ) would get gim on the weekend. But he constantly says NO defys us and what we say cries when he doesnt get what he wants shoves things, does things when we say not to anything to basicaly get attention from us. He is not lacking getting attention from us, possibly when he is at his mothers but i know your pain. he tells me to clean up his mess! hah last time i checked i didnt play with markers on the couch and scribbled all over it.as bad as it sounds..( we now have him everyday and his mother has him on the weekend when it is "convenient" for her. so fr 1 day for 3 hrs she has him. we have to say were going to take him bck to moms if he misbehaves and it seems to b
    NicksAshALee

    Answer by NicksAshALee at 3:07 PM on May. 12, 2009

  • be working but a reward system is what we are doing now and seems to be going well. sticks on the fridge.
    NicksAshALee

    Answer by NicksAshALee at 3:08 PM on May. 12, 2009

  • Well yes hes making sure youre going to make good on your word. So make your consequences realistic and appropriate. Meaning dont say...if you do this...I will put you in your room forever!...LOL....I think we say things sometimes out of frustration that are exaggerations for us but yet funny to them. So make your consequences fit the crime and then its critical that you follow through all the way. If that means he has no toys, then so be it. All kids have a currency. Just find out what really gets him and you will know what to use as consequences. Some kids just don't care too much about anything.
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 3:10 PM on May. 12, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN