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What issues did people who fostered children have to deal with with thier own kids?

I'm not sure where I should put this question but I'm considering taking foster children in the future (a year or two from now), by then my daughter will be 10-11.

I won't be doing so until we're in a town house with an extra bed room because I don't think it's fair for her to have to share with a non sibling and I've already decided we will only be taking children younger then she is.

She likes the idea now as she's an only child and has always wanted to have younger children around but knows I have no intention of having more babies of my own. She knows that the children who would be coming to stay with us would be temperary and have troubles and challenges that will need some special attention.

Has anyone else done foster care? What sort of issues came up with your natural children towards it?

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Asked by TabathaM at 12:51 PM on May. 12, 2009 in Adoption

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Answers (5)
  • I used to babysit a lovely couple who fostered children, they were the same ages as their own children- about 7-9. Their children had always been sheltered- TV limited and so forth. The fostered children were street-wise. It was a shock to the couple to have the children not having been brought up the same way, although they should have expected it.

    Answer by Bmat at 12:57 PM on May. 12, 2009

  • My children grew up with only 1-2 TV channels depending on which way the wind blew. This was a shock to the foster children who were used to cable, internet, etc. The biggest challenge was the difference in discipline. Mine knew when I said something I meant what I said and therefor got hit with things much quicker then the foster kids who had to learn the rules. They weren't real happy with that.

    Answer by baconbits at 1:31 PM on May. 12, 2009

  • Some of this issues I have seen are hoarding of food and other items. Some foster parents take this as lying and stealing. It really isn't. It is a very common defense mechinism. I have seen the honeymoon stage where the kids are "perfect" and then once settled in the home, it can be months and months later, they start acting up. It seems to catch many parents off guard. The other issues I have seen are masterbation (not necessarily indictative of sexual abuse) or smearing of fecal matter. But there are many foster children who do very well.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:45 PM on May. 12, 2009

  • Honestly, the only real situations we had while fostering has been the emotions when the foster child leaves and goes back home. Of course we've always had younger foster children than our oldest child, so he loved having younger "siblings".

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:24 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • Anon right above me, thanks for representing that not all foster care placements are laden with horrific acting out behaviors. Yes, it happens but that should be carefully explored before a placement is made in your home so that the child's needs are matched with the willingness and ability of the home.

    There are many children in foster care that would fit in beautifully with so many different types of homes out there. And yes, I can speak to this because I have opened my home to my husband's teen nephew who would have ended up in foster care if we hadn't stepped forward. He didn't need a "forever home", he just needed space from the environment he was in with his mother - and she needed the space from him so she could better meet the needs of his younger brother and sister. It was only 2 years that he was with us, and we did struggle with the typical teen in your home that isn't "your child" but I would do it all again

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 9:40 PM on May. 17, 2009

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