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Why do I feel the need to control everything? How do I stop doing this?

It feels as if I have to control everything my kids do, or else they make a mess. Same thing with my husband, it seems as if he is never thinking ahead, so things never get done on time. I know that I am enabling them by reacting the way I do, so how do I change this behavior? It is draining me.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:35 PM on May. 12, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • The control you say you have is because the people in your life
    allow you to have that control.
    I used to be like that and I taught myself to let stuff go..like the kids and the mess...
    My X husband told me I was controlling....but little did he know he allowed me to have
    the control.
    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 2:38 PM on May. 12, 2009

  • i am also on the controlling side but i think a lot of it is because my SO is kind of a big kid and just lets everything roll off his back. i feel like if i don't orchestrate everything nothing will get done correctly. unless it's something major, i now try to sit back and tell myself "who cares if he dresses the kid in stripes and plaid." not everything has to be perfect...but some things do just need a mothers touch =)
    r_elizabeth2290

    Answer by r_elizabeth2290 at 2:41 PM on May. 12, 2009

  • Delegate. Seeing that you do it is half your battle. Make a list of things for them to do and remind them of consequences if they don't do them (no homework = bad grades, no mowing the lawn = mosquito infesation and the kids can't play outside, chores not done = no playtime, etc) Let them be responsible for things and consequences. They will learn quickly and you will be out from under the pressure of doing it all.
    shrinkydink68

    Answer by shrinkydink68 at 2:59 PM on May. 12, 2009

  • i have to be incontrol.. my husbands family cant plan anything to save their lives. they let us know about someones birthday party taht day or the night before. so we end up missing them. i get the controlling thing i tried all last year to get the family in order for special occasions but i told my self come new years i didnt care any more. im having a baby in july and most occasions dont take plavce till after that so i can just use the new mommy excuse to not go to anything lol
    ChloeMom0709

    Answer by ChloeMom0709 at 3:07 PM on May. 12, 2009

  • Let things go anmd let the chips fall where they may. That's the best way to release control. Then take back the things that matter. (Cleaning is not one of them, by the way.)
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 3:14 PM on May. 12, 2009

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