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Need advice- sexual nature

I actually have two questions. Am I wrong? and What should I do now? My ex-pastor (his family moved away and are now planting churches in Mexico) just emailed me yesterday, telling me about erotic fantasies that he has with me. This was very out of the blue- he has never even hinted at this before, but according to him, it has been happening since we meet them. We started a church together! He gave my husband and I marriage counseling! I really don't know how to respond. My husband saw the email- I was not trying to hide it and I asked him what I should do. He did not get upset with me or anything, just said we would talk about it later. Last night, I asked him if he ever felt that way about me, you know, if I ever inspired fantasies for him. Well, then he freaked out. He said only a whore would want that and on and on and on. Well, did I do something wrong? Is it not normal for a woman to want to excite her husband?

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Asked by Anonymous at 4:20 PM on May. 12, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • i think he is just feeling insecure. Make sure he knows that he is the only one for you.

    Answer by Amanda7891 at 4:23 PM on May. 12, 2009

  • Wow about the pastor! And your husband maybe he's a little offended but he's taking it out on you and that's not right, it doesn't sound like you're the one that initiated that type of conversation with the paston and I think you did the right thing by showing your husband right off. My's tell the pastor that you are flattered but only interested in keeping things professional because you are happily married. And if your husband doesn't feel comfortable with the relationship with the pastor I say discontinue it, it's not worth your marriage! good luck

    Answer by LuvmyFam6 at 4:24 PM on May. 12, 2009

  • i do not think you are wrong at all all women want to excite their man.... is he by chance insecure at all?... it is very wierd that the other person e maild you i would say out front that you are not interested and just not talk to your husband about it anymore..... we all wonder if our man has those thoughts about us... you are not a whore by any means just curious

    Answer by jaksonsmommy at 4:25 PM on May. 12, 2009

  • Of course it is normal & I'm so sorry your husband replied like that. I don't understand how that mentality works. I wonder what made him react that way, I also want my husband to be inspired sexually by me, that is what every wife wants.

    As far as you pastor goes, It is EXTYREMELY un-Christian to email you telling you that he has sexual fantasies of you. If i were you, i would be very glad that he is not my pastor anymore. Obviously he is a fake, & cannot control himself if he went out of his way to let you know this. That is disgusting, & she should not be a pastor. He should not be opening churches. He is an AWEFUL pastor for telling you this. Absolutely horrible! I can't believe there are pastors out there like that.......makes me sick.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 4:25 PM on May. 12, 2009

  • Wow holy over reaction man. I think the anger was not supposed to be directed at you rather the dirty pastor. Wait a few days to let hubby cool off and tell him some fantasiesyou have about him. I wouldn't answer the email. Its kind of icky...


    Answer by lostshel at 4:25 PM on May. 12, 2009

  • Yeah- I would not go to his church at all- creepy!

    Answer by smzuzu at 4:27 PM on May. 12, 2009

  • If you are married I dont think that there is anything that you could do or think w/of your husband that could make you a whore. That said I think the pastor was completely wrong in sending you that but your husbands reaction was not very sensitive and a very conservative point of view I think. All women want to be wanted by their husbands.

    Answer by worriedmommy600 at 4:28 PM on May. 12, 2009

  • OP- I even told him that HE is the only man I want to think about me like that, but he was still upset about it! And I am planning to just write back that I will pray for him and his wife and I do not think it is a good idea to keep talking. I mean, what else am I supposed to tell him?

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:43 PM on May. 12, 2009

  • Your husband probably got defensive because he doesn't fantasize about you like that. He doesn't want you to compare since he's not any where close. It is normal to want your husband to fantasize about you and he should. You both should fantasize about each other. It is quite common in relationships for both parties to not fantasize about each other though. Especially relationships where one or both look at porn. Do you fantasize about your man? It's a good thing to fantasize about each other, it really helps the sex life. I'd tell that pastor he is not fit to be a pastor, I'd report him to the church personally.

    Answer by Tickledtrauma at 5:19 PM on May. 12, 2009

  • hes a creep, i understand its exciting to have another male other than your husband to have a fantasy about you but why would you keep talking to him, youre upset that your husband got upset yet you still wanna talk to the dirty pastor.... sounds like you need to be prayed for

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:21 PM on May. 12, 2009

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