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Hello Moms!, I need your advice I have 3 teen age girls, one is from my previous marriage and the other 2 from my fiance. I have worked a lot for my wedding in 2 weeks, making our house nice and confortable for everybody. The problem that the first floor is organized and clean, but their room is a complete mess !! panties and clothes all over. I clean and they leave everything dirty again.

Recently I have had a big argument with my fiance and he thinks that I want a perfect home!, I tell him to have a pleasent home needs everybody's cooperation. I don't see habits at all and I don't want to be the legend of the stepmom, the B!... I also can tell they do manipulate their father a lot. I'm start wondering if I should marry now!. I will tell you that he is a good man, hardworking individual and a loving father. His ex left him and run away with his best friend. Terrible but true! and he has been mom and dad these last 2 years. We do get along great!, lately it seems everything difficult, if seems like his priorities are twisted. It is not God, marriage and children anymore. Need your advice step moms!

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Asked by Monica09 at 4:49 PM on May. 12, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

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Answers (20)
  • I'm not a step mom, but honestly, if the girls are helping keep the rest of the house clean, I wouldn't worry about the state of their rooms. They are old enough to know that if they don't get their dirty laundry to the laundry room they won't have clean clothes. Actually as a teen I did my own laundry and I'm sure they could too. Plus, it is their only personal space, as long as there is no food (bugs, eww) in there, I would let them keep it the way they want. Close the door and stop stressing yourself and them out. Unless you are going to have guests who will be using their rooms, it really isn't worth getting so worked up about. My room was a disaster when I was a teen, yet I'm a decent housekeeper now. No clothes and panties all over ;) Good luck with your wedding.

    Answer by canadianmom1974 at 4:58 PM on May. 12, 2009

  • I closed the doors to my sons' bedrooms about that age. They were responsible for their own rooms, changing their beds, putting their laundry in the basket. This made it their problem and not mine.

    Answer by Bmat at 5:12 PM on May. 12, 2009

  • I say thier rooms, thier mess, let them live in it. Most people with teens do not look down on the parents if thier teenagers have a messy room.

    If they are doing thier chores and doing thier part around the house, leave it be. Teens are difficult, and just require a little more patients.

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 5:35 PM on May. 12, 2009

  • if they do their chores and don't have nasty things like food and dishes in their rooms, let them be messy.. {also if their rooms don't smell bad}

    Answer by LilChynaDollie at 5:41 PM on May. 12, 2009

  • When my boys were teens it was def. a pick your battles situation. As long as there were no dishes in the room, no food. They could sleep and live in the disaster. The minute it started creeping out their door or I start smelling stink ..I CLEAN IT. They knew this meant disaster. What is important to them was not necessarily important to me. It also put me in contact with all their little notes and such. Do it once and it takes little more than a threat of doing it again. As long as it is contain in that one problem.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 5:52 PM on May. 12, 2009

  • When i was a teen in high school and living with my mom my room was a mess! there was nothing my mom could do to get me to keep it only thing was i never had food or drinks in my room. i did my own laundry so i always knew what was clean and what wasnt and if i was told that someone was going to have to stay in my room i would power clean and get it nice and wash the sheets for that person after that it went back the way it was. i just kept my door shut because my mom was a clean friek. to me that was my space so i should be able to live how i wanted as long as i picked up my stuff around the house and my mess was just in my room then it was fine. other than that i got yelled at. lol.

    Answer by Shelii at 6:55 PM on May. 12, 2009

  • Why do you care? Your guests have absolutly no business going up to their rooms. I tell my mom this all the time, if my room is messy, and I dont clean it, its because I live in it, not you.

    Answer by MammaBella at 7:18 PM on May. 12, 2009

  • Yeah if they respect the rest of the house, your battle is minor just close their doors. But if they are all out slobs and they don't pick up after themselves at all. Ask yourself if you can handle a disaster with only one person tidying up after themselves. Do the Ben Franklin close, list what you love... list what you hate about your fiance and the living arrangements, whichever list is bigger wins.

    Answer by SheriSanchez at 7:29 PM on May. 12, 2009

  • I think you need to choose to fight your battles. I have 2 teens, and I understand they need to clean their rooms. There are times that I say they need to do it, and it needs to be done by x day.

    But, teens need to feel "in control" of some things, and their room is the perfect place for it. If they have it a mess, shut the door. If laundry is all over the place, then sorry, it doesn't get washed, and no, they can't do a special load for it, it can wait until there's a full load for whatever they want washed.

    If something gets torn up or lost because of the mess, their problem.

    I would make a rule though - no food or drinks in there as long as they keep their rooms like that, because dirty dishes /wrappers can bring bugs, and no sleepovers with a dirty room.

    But, honestly, as long as the mess isn't spilling out into the rest of the house, for the most part, just shut the door and walk away. Choose your battles.

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 8:41 PM on May. 12, 2009

  • i have two teens and a tween and they have to keep there rooms in perfect order yes, it gets messy cuz they spend alot of time there but if they go to school and leave there room a mess then they clean it when they get home and they don't get a phone or outside for that day. If they do it more than twice than thye can't go out with friends on weekends. Trust me it works and we have never had to get to the weekend part. Don't get second thoughts just get on the right page with hubby to be. He has to set them straight and have them respect you.

    Answer by 214mommydearest at 8:52 PM on May. 12, 2009

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