Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

could you forgive?

So My half sister was molested for over 10 years, and she has forgiven him now. I can not belive this and dont understand how she can be around this man- ever but he is her adopted dad and she is fine around him, I just dont get it if it was me in her place I would press charges!! she is 30 now and married and has children and allow them around him!!

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:57 PM on May. 12, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • maby she feels she caused the molestation (if thats a word)? or she feels guilty of maby not minding it or she just feels she could have stopped it?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:59 PM on May. 12, 2009

  • that isnt right. Forgiveness is okay and a must for a molested person to move on I know this because I too was molested. But she shouldnt have her children or family around this man. She is probably in the healing process with all of this and is just in the "denial" stage. Get her to see a counselor and to talk! GL
    Bugsmommy1908

    Answer by Bugsmommy1908 at 6:01 PM on May. 12, 2009

  • my grandfather molested his daughter, then my cousin, try to molest me and he never gotten caught. We brought it to everyones attention but they didnt care, He is around young girls ( granddaughters) alot.....this was over 10 years ago for me and my cousin...But he still walks....I have n ever forgiven him...I stopped talking to almost the entire family cuz they didnt care...Until he dies, i will not go to that house....I would never forgive him...So no, i dont see who she can forgive...But ppl are different....Thats putting her kids at risk of being molested...I would never put my children in danger...
    CJK_2009

    Answer by CJK_2009 at 6:02 PM on May. 12, 2009

  • Has he been thru counseling/rehab? Has he admitted to the molestation?I know forgiveness if for the peace of mind of the victim,but I can't see having a relationship with your abuser,forgiven or not.She's setting herself up for heartbreak.He probably will not get that he has done something wrong if she continues to see him.I could not do the same with my abuser.Whenever I saw him,I shook and cried.
    TMJ121099

    Answer by TMJ121099 at 6:05 PM on May. 12, 2009

  • look up trauma bonding. It might explain why she keeps close to him.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:06 PM on May. 12, 2009

  • ANON#1- OP here, no it wasnt her fault how could it be a 5 year old girls fault or how could she enjoy the only daddy she ever knew holding a gun to her head telling her not to tell anyone or he would kill her entire family, while he was doing horrible things to her???
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:07 PM on May. 12, 2009

  • TMJ-- he got 'saved' and is godly now. he did admit it to my mom and serveral family members, oh, and my mother is still married to this creep and no one seems to care.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:10 PM on May. 12, 2009

  • She should forgive as part of the healing process for herself, but not socialize with her molester and continue to be around him much less have her children around him. That is a very risky chance she is taking and not fair to her children. They don't hav a choice they just trust mommy and daddy to take care of them and keep bad things and people from hurting them. I hope she realizes that this is wrong and reports him or stays away from him for good.
    geminisummerz

    Answer by geminisummerz at 6:14 PM on May. 12, 2009

  • As crazy as it sounds, often the victims think it was their fault, and they think that the person loved them in some sick twisted way and that they'd never do that to someone else. She may also feel like since he was "saved" that he would never do that again. I don't believe a molester can reform because I believe that it's a sickness in them, somehow they're wired different than we are and they're always going to be that way. And it's statistically shown that most molesters were molested themselves. Vicious cycle. My children would never be left alone with someone that had even been suspected of that, but if it was a family member I don't know if I'd let them around them or not, but definetely not alone.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 8:10 PM on May. 12, 2009

  • And yes, I could, and did forgive... I'm the only person that keeps in contact with my molester who's in prison, in my family. After many years of rage and anger inside, after he apologized to me, I was able to forgive him. And I secretly hope he never is released because I'm afraid that he will do it to someone else (he wasn't incarsarated because of me).
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 8:13 PM on May. 12, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN