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Am I selfish?

My mom is my bf. She has been in the hospital for 4 months and we thought she was going to die for so long but she pulled out. Now she is working on coming home. To MY home. My dad has been staying with us, I have 3 kids and DH. That is 6 people, and of course I am DEAD LAST. When my mom comes home she will require a lot of help and a lot of attention. My dad and DH will both be working. DD is 4, DS is 3 and dd is 2 months. I don't sleep at night and I will start online school soon. I am dreading her coming home. I have a lot to do as it is. I'm a SAHM, I get no appreciation, no respect and I sometimes I get very bitter. Am I being selfish for feeling this way? I hate it because I'm glad she is still alive, but I'm not sure I can deal with it. Everyone has been there for my dad, but no one has been here for me. What do you ladies think?


Asked by krissyvelazquez at 12:04 AM on May. 13, 2009 in Relationships

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This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • i don't think its selfish at all to feel that way. i think its perfectly normal to feel that way. there are some days i dread getting up when my daughter starts yelling mommy b/c i still have so many other things to do in the house or errands wise, and i only have one daughter who's 3. add to that 2 more kids, school, being a SAHM, and your mother who is going to need lots of help. than that is a stressful situation. maybe see if you can get some extra help for her, another family member or close friend to come by a few days a week. or a nurse to come to the house once a week to help out. i would prep just like you would for a new baby, precook and freeze meals, do a ton of laundry now, do the major cleaning stuff right before she comes (scrubbing floors, walls etc...) that way its out of the way for a few days, weeks for bigger stuff. and just take a break step outside and take a breather when you need to

    Answer by vabchmommy at 12:10 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • Does your mother have the type of insurance that would pay for a home health care nurse, at least for a little while? That might ease your burden a bit.

    And you have my support. It's easy to feel overwhelmed and under-appreciated. Those feelings can make even the best of us feel bitter at times. Just try to remember the love and care that your mother gave you, and do the best you can.

    Hang in there. This is one mommy who will be rooting for you!

    Answer by 3_is_enough at 12:08 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • ughhh.... i dont feel you are being selfish and I agree with first poster, im sorry you are having so much stress in your life right now i would have a serious talk with DH just because he works doesnt mean he cant help out, what does he think your job is... easy?

    Answer by Breezy1988 at 12:09 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • Does dad have insurance for mom to hire a caregiver to come in? Can dad get a place for he and mom now? Ask the social worker at the hospital was services are available to help you with mom.

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:10 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • Have you considered talking to a counsellor or maybe a pastor? Sometimes just getting it off your chest can help. There are also ways you can modify your behavior to get more of the appreciation, attention and respect that you need so badly. Check out our group SWWD :) I hope you can get the help you need and deserve. You can't do it all yourself but no one will know you need help unless you ask!


    Answer by TessaBianca at 12:11 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • you need to have a day to yourself,,, do something to make you feel good whether that be getting your nails done or just hanging out with your friends without kids

    Answer by Breezy1988 at 12:12 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • BTW: My husband works 6/13 hour days. He is gone by 8:30 am and doesn't get home until 10 or later at night. He does help when he is home, but there's not much he can do.

    Answer by krissyvelazquez at 12:15 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • OHHH im glad you clarified i thought u married a dick head, i would still get a nurse person to help you out thats ALOT of stuff on your shoulders i dont want you to have a meltdown cause of so much stress

    Answer by Breezy1988 at 12:19 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • Do you have any other family that can come in to help, even if it is only one day a week and for just a few hours. I would let them know that you are doing your best but just remind them that there is only one of you and you can only do so much. I have 2 little ones and sometimes I feel I am about to go crazy so I can't imagine 3 little ones plus other family to take care of. I wish you the best of luck and please try to find your alone time. You deserve it.

    Answer by hosein at 1:04 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • No, you are not being selfish. But you have hit your seventh thing. I have a standing joke that if you throw 6 things at me all at the exact same moment I am fine, but do not give me a seventh.
    Something has got to give and unfortunately you are giving up something you can't. You are chosing to give up sleep. That will bite you in the ass. You have to sleep to function. You have to sleep for your own health.
    You are going to have to get yourself on a very strict schedule and stick with it. Make sure you include time for study and time for sleep. You can do this, it will be hard, but you can do it.
    Put everything outside of the family off your schedule. Meaning, no church commitments or anything. Make sure you are taking your vitamins and reduce other stresses. (Money or ect.)

    Answer by SusieD250 at 1:35 AM on May. 13, 2009