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We split up b/c we just couldn't communicate, is there hope?

My bf of 5 years and two kids (twins), have recently split up. I pack up our stuff and moved to another states (with the kids), and now he hates me. I have hopes that he will step up to the plate and be a better man but I just found out that he has been sending 100's of text messages to the same number. Do you think there is hope? He says he loves us and wants to be a family but he is still VERY bitter and angry that I left! I felt I had good reason to (and not just bitterness and hatred) but I still can't get over him. I still check his emails and I don't understand why I just can't stop myself from looking and causing myself further distress.... I don't know what to do, any advice??

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:33 PM on Jun. 20, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • If there isn't abuse and he is willing to go see a therapist regularly, there can always be hope. It is normal to still care for someone even if you leave them, you just need to do what is best for your kids.

    Answer by knitafish at 11:43 PM on Jun. 20, 2008

  • Its up to both of you, have you or him thought about out help! Counciling! Its a idea that gould help!

    Answer by Vonnie3469 at 12:06 AM on Jun. 21, 2008

  • As long as there is no evidence of abuse, there is hope. Go to counselling and he can go as well, then maybe things can improve.

    Answer by pinkcalla721 at 12:16 AM on Jun. 21, 2008

  • My DH and I have been going through something very similar. It's tough. However, I'm the wrong-doer in our situation and am seeking some counseling to get through it. It's all a matter of what you both want and what you're willing to do to get it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:16 AM on Jun. 21, 2008

  • There was some abuse...

    Answer by mommy2_twins at 1:13 AM on Jun. 21, 2008

  • is there a reason your not married? or is that the reason you left?

    Answer by SamsMom125 at 1:33 AM on Jun. 21, 2008

  • Hey did anyone see the 100's of text message thing.....Hello? He must have someone on the side. And then you have to decide if you can accept the unfaithfullnes and move on or will it always be in the back of your mind.

    Answer by prissymommy at 2:11 AM on Jun. 21, 2008

  • Ultimately I left because he just didn't respect me or the relationship like I felt it deserved. He did hit me and that's when I left. I am not un-realistic that if it happens once that it will probably happen again and I don't want that for my kids and I. I just think that we have been through so much BS in our relationship and he just continued to ignore the pink elephant in the room. I feel we would not only need counciling but he needs an eye opened, along with some time apart. My fear is that he will convince me that he is ready and has taken step towards changing the way he treats me and then I go back to the same old BS.... I don't want to be one of those women!

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:12 AM on Jun. 21, 2008

  • I think it will always be at the back of my mind until of course he can prove the he is worthy of my trust!

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:33 AM on Jun. 21, 2008

  • i'm half and half. i usually think once you get hit you need to run off and leave. but maybe there is hope. i think you should go to counseling and wait to see an honest change. i believe if your love for each other is strong enough, you can get past this. but don't just give in. study him. make sure in your heart, [and mind] you feel he has changed. if you have any doubt, he probably hasn't.

    Answer by x0x0mommyx0x0 at 2:56 AM on Jun. 21, 2008

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