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feel guilty any advice?

i go in next week for my c-section, my husband is deployed so our 3 yr old girl will be staying with grandma. and i feel so bad, i have never left her for more than overnight, and even then it is when he is about to deploy or when he gets home, so we just get a room for the night than pick her up first thing in the a.m. for breakfast out. so i already plan on calling each night to say good night and i love you's etc...but i just feel guilty b/c i know i'll be leaving her for a few days, and she already asks for daddy and tells me how much she misses daddy everyday, then mommy is going to leave and come home with a brand new baby that will need lots of attention. any ideas on how to ease my guilt? and help her understand that mommy still loves her and will be home soon? she will be visiting the hospital when she can but it won't be the same as being at home playing with her.

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Asked by vabchmommy at 12:36 AM on May. 13, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 5 (76 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • Aww :( I'm sure that's really hard for you. I think the best thing you can do though is realize that she's in good hands, and that she'll be just fine (especially if her grandma keeps her busy, so her mind stays off the of the fact that you and her dad aren't there). I would talk to her about her before hand, and make it sound really fun for her like.. "You're going to play at grandmas for a little bit while mommy brings home your new brother/sister", etc. Keep her informed, make it a positive experience, and don't let her see you getting upset or stressing about it. Then, when you do bring the baby home, involve her as much as possible (things like "can you grab mommy a diaper for your baby brother/sister", etc) and she'll be just fine :)

    Congratulations on the new baby!!

    Answer by NFLplayerswife at 12:40 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • thanks, i've got another question now, when should i tell her that i'll be away for a few days? i'm afraid if i say something now she'll stress over it and if i say it too late she'll freak out on me. so just a good time frame maybe for her age? i've already mentioned briefly that her baby brother is coming out of mommys tummy soon and when he does that i have to stay and sleep at the doctors, but it was just in passing that way when i tell her ok now its really time its not a shock for her. she loves grandma and my mom has all kinds of plans for her for while shes there, so i know she'll be ok, i just feel so bad like i'm already having to pick one over the other, which i know is insane, b/c its not like i can just one day say ok come out and he just shows up and me not have any issues but thats just the way it feels

    Answer by vabchmommy at 12:44 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • What concerns me is that you are feeling this way already. I felt this way after I had the baby. It developed into post partum depression for me. I hope that you are able to relax a little before the baby comes. Your 3 year old will be just fine with grandma. She will be so proud to have a baby sister or brother that she won't even notice, at least right away. It will all be just fine and work out really well. Just be sure to ask for help when you need it and let your grandma help.

    Answer by m-avi at 12:47 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • If you are anxious, she can tell so just play it cool. No matter how worried you feel, just relax and pretend you do this all the time. Try to talk it up like it's going to be a grand adventure. Let her know you're excited too. She'll have a surprise trip to grandmas to do all kinds of fun things and when she gets back, she'll have the biggest surprise of all...a new baby to love!
    Something to think about...Good Luck!
    I'm a Navy wife so I know how rough those deployments can be. Hang in there and PM if you take a notion :)

    Answer by TessaBianca at 12:50 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • thanks ladies.
    i think its just that a bunch of it hit me today all at once b/c he won't be able to call or anything, they aren't allowed to get pics sent to the ship email so he won't get pictures right away and then the fact that it is so close makes it more realistic so far its just been ya he won't be here but i'll be ok i'm a big strong navy wife. now i'm like screw that i want him here now!!!! hehe.

    Answer by vabchmommy at 12:55 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • I would have been talking to her about it all along that she was going to stay with grandma while mommy went to get her baby sibling. I would have built it up with excitement and that it was going to be fun (okay we all know that the c-section won't be...but you know what I mean) and it will be so cool when the baby comes home.

    Build it up that she's a big girl and is going to get to help mommy and the baby, that she gets to help take care of the baby and that when the baby is napping that it will be special mommy/toddler time. (plan something special, maybe an ongoing project for the two of you that will last a couple days worth of naps)

    There's nothing you can do about the situation. There is no reason for guilt. If there was something you could change, but decided NOT to change it to make things better, then there would be reason for guilt. But you can't. This is the way things are, this is how things will happen.

    Answer by TiccledBlue at 8:45 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • There isn't anything you can do to change this. Concentrate on the new baby and your toddler. Know that you have made the best arrangements you could and know that everything is going to work out just fine.

    Expect the unexpected.

    Little ones are more resilient than we often give them credit for. She's going to surprise you, I think.

    Answer by TiccledBlue at 8:46 AM on May. 13, 2009

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