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Why do so many people look down at parenting when you aren't married?

I don't mean to upset anyone, I really want to know- I am a proud single parent of three boys. I have never intended to be a single parent on purpose. I do know that if I had stayed with my ex(s) my children would have suffered terribly. I knew that I could do a better job on my own than subject any of them to a bad marriage. I have put myself through college, have a great job, and make decent money. I am NOT on welfare, etc. I just get up every morning like everyone else and do the best I can every day for my children and myself. Anyone else frustrated with this?

 
mommyof3xy

Asked by mommyof3xy at 1:47 AM on May. 13, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (15)
  • I don't look down on single parents. Either single by choice or a marriage didn't work out....that is a personal decision. There are many women I respect in long term relationships, have children with their partner, and have made the decision to not marry. They are secure in who they are as a woman, as a mother, and as a partner. They have also given much thought to their relationship and where they see themselves and their role in it. Any mother who is raising three children on her own (with or without much support) is a true hero and role model. Good for you that you put your children first before you stay in a dysfunctional relationship.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 8:39 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • If your divorced I don't . If your a single parent because you had a child out of marriage then you are going to born in hell
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:50 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • LOL - okay....not exactly the feedback I was looking for, but to each his own
    mommyof3xy

    Answer by mommyof3xy at 1:53 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • it bugs me also, i get looked down on because im not married, everyone asks if im gonna get married and when i say not right now or i dont know they tell me its not gods way, but i dont think you should marry just because you have children, i think thats part of the reason why divorce rates are so high
    Breezy1988

    Answer by Breezy1988 at 1:58 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • There's a huge difference between a divorce or widow situation and getting pregnant out of wedlock. It's those who have children out of wedlock who are looked down upon more often.

    Premarital sex is becoming more commonplace these days. While being an unwed mother doesn't carry the stigma it used to, many still think it shows poor judgment having sex without being married.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:30 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • If your a single parent because you had a child out of marriage then you are going to born in hell.

    And if you had sex before you married you will burn in hell too, guess ill be seeing you there huh LOL.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:10 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • it upsets me to a point ... i was engaged to my sons father ... and im not engaged to my daughters father ... he says were going to but i doubt it ... i get upset bc my friends dont include me in anything bc 'im not married , i wouldnt understand' ... people in my face put down unmarried parents , i have a ring i told him im thinking of wearing it just so i dont get this shit anymore ...
    tha-hawt-mommie

    Answer by tha-hawt-mommie at 9:05 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • Well, I don't look down on you at all. I commend you. Youre a divorced mom taking care of 3 kids by yourself? Thats hard work. You protected your kids from a potentially bad situation. I think its different when you just have kids and don't feel they need anyone but you. ALL kids need dads and deserve a two parent home, if mom and dad can make it work, but there are people just having babies because they want them without even considering the fact that their child might need a father. Thats why it takes sperm to create a baby. I think your situation is much different. Good job to you for hanging in there and protecting your babies.
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 9:10 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • Well, I haven't met anyone yet that looks down on me - and yes, my son was born out of wedlock, but I'll leave my final Judgment to God, not CafeMom posters. The only person who treats me disrespectfully is my son's SM, but she's a pot calling the kettle black as far as I'm concerned, so I don't really care. Most of the mom's or dad's I talk to (80% of which are married) have never indicated or hinted that somehow "less" than them because I'm single. I've never been treated differently when out and about nor does my employer treat me differently, except to allow me a more lenient work schedule to accommodate being a mom first, an employee second. I work for a very family oriented company and I've proven myself quite capable, so they have nothing to complain about. Sometimes, though, I've seen single mom's take offense at something even when there was none meant - some mom's are just touchy, I guess.
    JPsMommy605

    Answer by JPsMommy605 at 9:19 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • I'm not sure what you mean by "looking down." Do you mean disapprove? Or do you mean think it's a bad idea? I have lived long enough to know that the best situation for children is to have two parents who are married, commited to each other, loving each other, and desiring to bring those children up with two positive role models. Children need to see what a commited wife and mother looks like, and they need to see what a commited husband and father looks like. Anything less than that leaves a void in their understanding of how to go about establishing their own homes when the time comes. Parenting is a huge responsibility and it is not ideally done by one person. It is ideally done by a man and a woman together. While success may be occasionally attained by one or the other, it is multiple times more difficult, and those children will tell you that there was indeed a void in their lives.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:34 AM on May. 13, 2009