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i dont get it...

i broke up with my bf tonight bc i felt that there wasnt that special connection on my part. i tried to give him my all but it just wasnt there. so i told him the truth in the nicest way i could and what does he do? blows up on me. this is the kind of guy that you would want to marry...hes perfect. sweet. genuine. but....i just saw a side of him tonight that i never want to see again. ive never been treated so horribly in my life and ive been in an almost abusive relationship before. he has said the worst things you could think of. for instance...he hopes that i will get burnt by my next bf over and over and over again (not fire kinda of burnt) and that im a whore and he hates me. he said he hates me like a million times. he was sorry that we ever met. he cursed at me and he doesnt do that at all. idk this was just extremely scary to experience. i stayed calm throughout it all but still.

i dont get it...why is he like this?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 3:36 AM on May. 13, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • and if i might add he is 26 and im 20. hes 6 years older than me and that was so childish! and wow...he just said to me "I told you that you didnt know me. You were blind and stupid. I never cared about you. As hard as that may be for you to digest. Being with you was a test for myself"...........the guy almost bought me a damn ring! and he is goin to say this??? what!?!?!

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:39 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • It sounds like you are better ending this relationship off now then down the road later. Sure he was probably hurt that you ended the relationship but he should have been mature enough not to have said the things that he did say to you. I honestly hope you take a learning experience from this situation with him. If he acts like this now, it is very possible that he will do it again, and the next time it could be worse.

    Answer by ronjwake at 3:42 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • yeah he just told me that he was just tryin to see something and he didnt mean anything he ever said to me. i had so much respect for him too like i thought he was the greatest thing for awhile there even tho i didnt have that feeling. i can not believe what i am hearing......

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:44 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • I am NOT slamming on you for ending it, because if you didn't feel about him the way he feels (until now) about you, then it's better to end it and both move on. But, as far as why he says this, not to be mean, but think about this - he loves you, and you just broke his heart. Of course he's going to react this way - he's hurt, and because he's hurt, he's saying things that are going to hurt you, too.

    It's sort of like the relationship version of "you can't fire me, I quit".

    Because a lot of times, for guys especially, it's easier to be mad than sad...

    As long as he didn't physically assault you, and as long as this was the end of it, and he's not now stalking you or anything like that, then I would just let it go and move on.

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 3:48 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • You are only 20 and I remember being 20, life has just began for you. I honestly would suggest not having any dealings with this man, he sounds like he can be abusive and that is a trait that you need no part of in your life. Be thankful that you was able to free yourself of this before it was to late, talk to your parents or friends about this and they will hopefully help you thru this. Time heals the heart :)

    Answer by ronjwake at 3:50 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • If he keeps saying those things, then just say to him "I'm sorry to hear that. I thought you were a really nice guy and that the problem was with me, but now that I know it was all just a game to you, I won't feel so bad about it being over."

    Then, be done with it and don't talk to him anymore.

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 3:51 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • Sailorwifemom, because he was hurt does not justify being an azz and there is no excuse for a 26 year old man to behave as such. A 16 year old maybe, not 26, he is a grown adult at this age. I broke up with my boyfriend when we were 16 and he showed more pose and grace then what this young lady stated this grown man did. There is never an excuse to treat someone with such disrespect, no matter if you're hurt or sad. She clearly needs to distance herself from this loser, for a lack of a better term, and toke it up as a lesson learned.

    Answer by ronjwake at 3:59 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • I agree, I'm not saying that she's at fault, or that he's right in doing what he's doing. She asked WHY he was doing it, and that's why I think he's doing it. Not that it's a good excuse for it, or that it's acceptable. But, it is a common reaction, so this is why I think he's doing it.

    Which is why I said that as long as he didn't physically assault her, or doesn't start stalking her (in which case, she needs to call the cops), I suggested she just let it (and him) go, because he's obviously not worth it.

    It's also why I suggested that she say what I suggested in my second post, because that way, she's sending the message of "well, I did feel bad about breaking your heart, but since, I so "OBVIOUSLY" (meant sarcastically towards him) didn't, because, according to you, you're an ass who was just playing me, I won't worry about feeling bad about it anymore". But said in a way to end the convo with him, not escalate it

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 4:05 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • Sailor I think we agree to agree on this issue :)

    OP: Good luck with this situation and keep your chin up sounds like tomorrow will be the beginning of a new day for ya :)

    Answer by ronjwake at 4:14 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • You just hurt him. So he wanted to hurt you the only way he could. With words. And your reaction is just feeding the flames.

    Answer by Chrissy629 at 6:33 AM on May. 13, 2009

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