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To the survivors on Family Violence---I am one too.

I read a recent post about why women stay in relationships that are abusive. Reading the survivor's comments are amazing to me. I was a cop for about 2 years when I married my attacker. I, like many women, felt it was a phase, he would change, he loved me, he wouldn't hit me again, he wouldn't speak to me that way, he wouldn't make me to lose the baby I was carrying. It's a cycle and a way of power for the attacker.

The cycle of abuse ended for me when I was 3 months pregnant. I left him and went into hiding for awhile. He didn't win, I took my strength back and my son LIVED! On average the victim will go back to the attacker 6-8 times before the attacker kills the victim.

Abuse is not just physical. It is emotional, verbal and mental abuse as well.
Eleanor Roosevelt said "No one can make you feel inferior without your permission." We are not death statistics we lived!

When did you break the cycle?

 
lilbit022009

Asked by lilbit022009 at 8:06 AM on May. 13, 2009 in Relationships

Level 4 (29 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • I broke it when my ex broke my jaw. One of the cops (which was a co worker of my ex) took me to see a billboard after I was D/C from the hospital. It was a pic of a coffin with flowers on it..said something about the only time she got flowers..was about dv. He told me "the next time I will see you, I will be helping them put you in a body bag." Off to the women's shelter we went.
    Dani32

    Answer by Dani32 at 8:31 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • I just moved out of the family home and never went back. The day I fought back and about whipped his a-- just as bad I knew he would resort to other things rather than his physical self next time.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:42 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • Wow! Just reading your post reminds me of how far I have come! I survived too.

    My final 'light bulb' moment came when my youngest child, my only daughter was 4 months old. The ex got drunk and angry (same old situation....angry about nothing when drinking) and pushing me down a flight of cement stairs to the basement with the baby on my hip. Thank God that I was able to curl myself around her and she escaped without even a scratch. My ankle, however, was no where near as lucky and I could not stand on it with any pressure at all for eight weeks. The whole eight weeks I was playing nice on the outside, but scheming my exit on the inside. I had no family or friends left. When I could bear weight on that ankle I waited until he left for work and went straight to my escape. Took a restraining order out immediately. He found me. Took four jailings for restraining order violation before he got the message. ctd.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:34 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • ctd.....It was the best thing that I could have ever done for my children. Before that incident, I always thought they would be okay...it was just me getting hurt. Seeing with my own eyes what could have happened to my daughter scared the crap out of me! NO matter what happened or who did or did not like me, I had to get out for them.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:35 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • ....ctd. Forgot to say, this was in 1993. A handful of police officers had tried to tell me what would happen on their previous visits to our home. But it is sad to say that it took such a serious event to finally make me open my eyes and see that this was going to get me and/or the kids killed.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:37 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • Hearing all of you is such an empowering thing. I used to tell battered women when I would get a call to a hospital or a home...Don't underestimate yourself. Don't allow someone to mistake generousity for weakness. Because we are female does not mean we are lowly, subservient, submissive or weak. When you reach bottom then you will get tired. Once you're done being tired, you'll get mad and then angry. Once anger sets in you'll find a new sense of yourself and become stronger than you ever knew you could be. That strength means standing up and fighting against the thing you feared the most. That is something to be thankful for. There is nothing worse than losing yourself.

    Thank you to all the women who stood up, fought back and got out. Prayers to the women who died because of their attacker. We are alive because of your example and we live because we can't imagine that world for our sons and daughters.
    lilbit022009

    Answer by lilbit022009 at 9:41 AM on May. 13, 2009