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How do you get over infidelity or is it infidelity?

Caught my husband several times texting and calling other women an excessive amount of times with inappropriate messages. Once confronted he became angry and eventually apologized. He claims that he wants to stay in the marriage and it has nothing to do with what I have done. He never likes to talk about the situation he is most happy when it is just totally blown off as if it never happened. My issue is I feel hurt and betrayed and I can't get around it. I first caught him in may of last year with a female he dated in high school, he said it was over but I caught him 3 times more with the same female, to my knowledge it hasn't been physical but he has lied so badly about not being interested in her and that it was just something to do, well low and behold just 2 wks ago I caught him again this time with a female co -worker. He said that it didn't seem like an issue because they were just talking about work.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:22 AM on May. 13, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • I'm sorry honey but I believe this will eventually lead to if not already him cheating on you. In a sense he already has. I would suggest seeking counseling about this to him. Clearly there is some kind of void there if he is seeking other women to talk inappropriately with. If you want to keep your marriage going get help now! Good luck to you.
    CasualCandles

    Answer by CasualCandles at 8:29 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • then why in gods name would he text inappropate messages? you know hes lieing and he knows that you will just roll over and forget so you need to stand up for yourself and not take his deseving crap anymore. if he thinks your gonna just blow it over then honestly why stop? in fact why dont you text this women and just ask sweet as pie what her relationship is with your dh? or at least get her number so you have it. and also see how many times he "talks to her" go threw his messages and if he finds out tell him he gave you no choice and how would he feel if the shoe was on the other foot. sit him down and tell him first off dont get angry its a talk but you need to be up front with me..and ask what his marriage is worth to him. figure things out if hes constantly liying then i wouldnt trust him and he will see what its like to pay c/s ( if u have kids together ) good luck hun xo
    tabbys4

    Answer by tabbys4 at 8:34 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • If he's lied once, he's lied a thousand times about it.

    As to how far it's gone, that's up to you. Do you consider it infidelity for him to have an emotional affair? Because it's obvious that it is at least that. You can only speculate whether or not it's gone to a physical level. Still, are you going to put up with any kind of infidelity? That is only up to you to decide. You don't trust him and he doesn't respect you enough to stop.

    michiganmom116

    Answer by michiganmom116 at 8:52 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • If you want to keep the marriage you are both going to have to give it your all. You need to sit down and talk this out. I strongly urge you to seek marriage counseling. It might be a good idea for hubby to give up his phone-- so he won't be tempted to message anyone. I wish you luck and hope it all works out!!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 10:28 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • I believe in marriage and working it out as long as both people are willing.

    I do not believe in your marriage.. Too much has been done.
    Him getting angry at you is not the answer..\

    Sorry momma, I wouldn't waste the rest of my life with a cheater, and liar like your husband.

    So to answer your question...in your situation..how do you get over it...
    for me personally, I would move on...
    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 10:33 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • I think it is infidelity. I do not believe in divorce, but I do believe that you are going to have to stop being hurt and start being mad. There is a book entitled LOVE MUST BE TOUGH by Dr. James Dobson. Please get that book and read it. You are going to have to draw some lines, and this book will help you to do that.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 10:57 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • You have to decide if you trust him and it's just your jealous insecurities, or if he isn't trustable and he is actually having sex with these females. And if he is cheating, why.
    Chrissy629

    Answer by Chrissy629 at 11:33 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • I AM GOING THROUGH THE SAME THING. IT WON'T WORK UNLESS HE COMES COMPLETELY CLEAN AND IS EXTREMELY REMORSEFUL. BOUNDARIES NEED TO BE SET. SADLY IN MY CASE I NEVER WONDERED, WORRIED, CHECKED OR QUESTIONED ANYTHING. I SURE DID LIKE IT BETTER THAT WAY.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:18 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • I consider thinking any sexual thoughts about another woman infiedelity. So yeah, in my opinion he's already cheating in his mind if not already physically.
    Tickledtrauma

    Answer by Tickledtrauma at 12:59 AM on May. 14, 2009

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