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When is enough...enough? Under what circumstances do you let your child quit?

I am so adamantly against quitting anything that you make committments to do. My kids play ball every season and we consider that a committment. My daughters softball coach is new this year and at first we thought, hey hes a nice guy. He was upbeat and said, hey, we are going to have fun no matter what. That took a lot of the pressure off the girls. My daughter is one of the older girls and I guess he expects more of her, but she was playing first base and the other girls couldnt get the ball to her. It would fall short a few feet. The coach begins fussing at my child and my husband who was asked to help coach defended her. So this coach moved her to 3rd. I think thats a great place for her. The last 3 games, its just deteriorated. Moral is low, coach makes sarcastic comments to girls but wont defend them on bad calls. Theres a lot of division between the coaches and I am concerned he will take his frustration at my husband ..

 
momofsaee

Asked by momofsaee at 9:03 AM on May. 13, 2009 in General Parenting

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This question is closed.
Answers (35)
  • I would definitely add to the growing list of complaints about this coach. File a report against him. If both your husband and your daughter have tried to resolve the issue to no avail I would see if there are any alternatives to the team she is currently playing on. If this is a school team then look at getting her into a rec league so that she can still play and have fun but she isn't having to worry about being degraded by the coach. If this is a rec team, file a complaint and see if any other teams are available for a transfer. Abuse from a coach, I think, is definitely grounds for quitting a team but she doesn't necessarily have to quit softball.
    sillyt

    Answer by sillyt at 9:59 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • out on my daughter. Hes very hard to communicate wtih. My daughter is begging to quit and I told her that she MUST go to her coach and see if they could get it resolved. We feel its important to teach our kids communication and conflict resolution. He didnt really receive her well and got defensive and didnt apologize for how he had hurt her. Then last night him and my husband got into it and I guess I had just had enough. I told my husband to sit down and let him do his own damn coaching. They are losing every game. The girls dont seem to care, but its this coaches attitude that we are having an issue with. I know he has had two complaints filed on him already. At what point do I say enough and walk away or do I just make my daughter deal and my husband deal because we made a committment? I guess Im struggling with forcing her to take his abuse vs. being a quitter.
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 9:06 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • I think this would be an exception. Your girls don't deserve to be treated this way and I'm afraid of you continue to make them play they will be less likely to want to play again next season. It would just scare them off.
    Not the same thing but my when my son was 9 he played soccer, he had a horrible coach, they never knew what they were doing and my son was so tired of losing. I made him stick it out and eversince then he won't play sports..
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 9:12 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • I think you have to judge each situation on its own merits. This may be one time where it would be perfectly acceptable for the whole family to quit and let your husband be the one to explain why to the other coach. Sometimes, people like him need to be told by another adult that their behavior stinks and is totally unacceptable. As long as nobody has the guts to tell them the truth about themselves, they will continue to hurt others, in this case, other children. Perhaps he needs to be told by your husband that just maybe he is not cut out for coaching. Your family might be able to spare some other families the stress that you are having to endure. Look at the big picture. Have a family meeting, and decide how you can contribute to the greater good perhaps your whole community.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:22 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • Along with waht these ladies said, you may also want to notify the league of his poor behavior/sportsman ship.
    aly38914290

    Answer by aly38914290 at 9:33 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • I guess I just don't want to ever send the message to my kids that just because things arent going our way means we can quit. My husband has explained to him that his coaching skills are mediocre at best. My husband tells our dd to move up a bit, then another coach tells her to move back, ect. Theres no communication and he told my dh last night that he didnt want him questioning his strategy. Apparently the OTHER helper coach smarted off to my dh and he told him if he had something to say, then say it. If theres going to be too much division and no unity, then my dh needs to sit down and let him do it. So we are thinking about just telling him that theres too many opinions and no communication so dh is going to step out and let him and the other guy do it. Theres also a lot of butt kissing going on. People vying for positions for their kids. We told our dd she had to earn hers. God, I feel like this is junior high again. UGH
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 9:33 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • How many other girls are upset at his attitude and abuse? Maybe you could all quit in a bloc and if the school than asks why, tell them. Maybe film his abuse as well, for documentation purposes. There is nothing wrong with you filming your own child, and any interaction with her at a sports venue, no privacy concerns.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:35 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • I think on one hand it is important to teach children to stick with a commitment. On the other hand having a child's self-esteem and self image being at stake with each game....I would certainly have to think about what is in the best interest of my child. If my child came to me and said, "Mom I want to quit ___" I would talk about it and consider their perspective. I also would be considering it even if they didn't give a reason. For example, a boy who wants to quit Karate after being in it for four years and he loved it up until now. Why? He won't give a reason but is angry about it. What he might not be saying is that the new instructor is touching him inappropriately. I understand that in general it is a good idea to not give up, but I also have to weigh in that quitting a team may be for bigger reasons than just being lazy or not considerate. I think each situation has to be handled on an individual basis.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 9:45 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • Many other parents are disgruntled at his lack of consistency. He keeps moving the kids to different positions and then not really teaching them how to play THAT position. One mom that I sit with is like me...ready for it to be done. Her husband did have to call and work some things out with the coach too. I dont know what it was but he apparently had an issue. Hes not helping coach though. His dd wants to quit and they told her no for the same reasons I did. The other parents arent around. I don;t know who is whos kid. The dug out mom is the one that stays up the coaches butt all the time. She wanted her dd on first base and she got it. Fine. The other coach wanted his child at pitcher, she got it. Neither one of these girls know how to play these positions but because the parents are stroking his ego, then thats their reward. My dh was trying to put the girls in the positions that best suited them in hopes of helping all .
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 9:48 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • First of all it sounds like this man has no business being a coach. I understand not wanting your dughter to quit, I'm the same way but in this situation I think you should make an exception.
    sammiesmom2000

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 9:52 AM on May. 13, 2009

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