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What should you do when your new daughter in law won't speak to you, blocked your email and phone and won't let you see your grandson and your son is in Afghanistan? Many lies are going his way to try and separate us and I can't do anything about it because he's not here?

Her mother has claimed that I called and denied the baby is my son's and made other outrageous claims to my son. My dil told me that now that they're married he doesn't need me since he and her mom get along so well. I'm lost and going crazy.

 
jimbosmom

Asked by jimbosmom at 11:44 AM on May. 13, 2009 in Relationships

Level 2 (9 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (58)
  • Also to the OP I think the best thing you can do is let the "waters calm" for awhile. Send cards for birthdays and holidays and maybe one to just say hello but don't go on about how you don't get to see your grandchild or anything like that. Talk to your son when he gets home but maybe send him a few letters to see how he is doing just to feel him out to see if he knows what's going on he may be in agreement with her but maybe not. (sorry I am just trying to look at this from the outside) Then after awhile you could just add in your letter that just so he is not blindsided there are some issues between you and DIL and that you would like to try and work through them when he gets home. Like my mom always told me there is your side, their side, and the truth in every argument.
    kfroz0415

    Answer by kfroz0415 at 3:50 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • I don't think you can do anything till your son gets back. You can maybe try sending her a letter through the mail but carefully pick your words and how you use them.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:46 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • Grandparents right! I would do my best to mend fences, but if that does not work, I would see a lawyer. You do have rights!
    cchawk440

    Answer by cchawk440 at 11:47 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • Don't you just love the DIL from hell? Been there. Just remain calm. Email or write your son and just tell him of your concerns. You may have to be patient. I had to wait 15 yrs before I could see my grandson my DIL ran off with. I'm sure it won't be that long for you. See if your state has a Grandparent's Law that allows visitation in these instances.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:51 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • So you are one of the mil's so many on here complain about. A mother who loves her son and has a great relationship with him. And a dil who is so jealous of that relationship she calls him a mommas boy and does what she can to get him to "cut those apron strings". Don't get discouraged. Are you and her mother friends? You could try to go through her. It's really sad when a man marries a female like her.

    Chrissy629

    Answer by Chrissy629 at 11:52 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • There are no GP rights, I have no idea where this even comes from.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:52 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • Yes there are GP rights. I hope you never have to use them like a friend of mine had too. I went with her while she talked with her lawyer and went to court. She got visitation with her grandchildren because of that law. It does vary state to check, so I would check. Good luck to you!
    cchawk440

    Answer by cchawk440 at 11:57 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • I really do feel bad for you. Any woman that says "he's married now and he and my Mom get along so he doesn't need you", I just don't even have the words for that. No one can replace someone's Mom with their own. Is your son still writing or calling you? Did you have a great relationship with him before?
    My gut tells me that she's found someone else and she's not wanting you around because you'd be telling him unless you're one of those women that want to tell people how to do everything and always putting her down (doesn't sound like it to me because you didn't even in this post). it sounds like her Mom is the one who got this mess started and your DIL likely believed her and is passing the information on. Could be as simple as that. I'd be upset if I thought my MIL thought my kids didn't belong to my hubby too.
    You're just going to have to wait till he gets home, or go over and talk to her in person.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 11:59 AM on May. 13, 2009

  • I think you need write a letter to both of them but make sure their is no cussing, no accusations, and no anger. Just simply write a letter stating how you feel and how important they all are to you. Let them know that you need your grandson in your life as well as you needing them. From there if they are rude or you son still takes your dil's side there's really nothing you can do. Because if you to a lawyer and get vsitation rights your grandson is already being fed nonsense so be patient you did your part and you just have to wait till everything irons out. It may take a while even till your grandson gets older but he will realize what an amazing person you are and from there you can grow an amazing relationship with each other. GL
    214mommydearest

    Answer by 214mommydearest at 12:00 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • For those of you who are DIL bashing, enough. You know ONE side of the story, you have NO idea what happened leading up to this, you know what this MIL wants you to know. She didn't exactly give enough information for anyone to really understand the full situation so how can you just jump all over the DIL? Ridiculous, especially for women who are 'Grandparents".

    To answer your question, I honestly cannot tell you do this or that because you & I both know this story has to be a lot deeper than you've divulged on here. I understand it's a painful place being seperated from a loved one who is deployed (I am a military wife) & I can imagine it would be horrible being seperated from this Grandchild that you apparently love very much. But I think that this is a delicate situation... maybe try writing a letter to your son, & just as someone else suggested watch your words. Try not to bash the DIL in the letter.
    prettylilrae

    Answer by prettylilrae at 12:02 PM on May. 13, 2009