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What would you do? Sitution #1

heres the short version - My fav bro of 5 molested his own daughter about 14yrs ago. His daughter now 18 forgives him and is seeking a realtionship with him. The family all forgives him and had regular contact. I have struggled for 14yrs to let this go. I no longer hate or with him harm. I do love my brother I just refuse to see him or atleast see him in the presence of my girls. this is clear to all memers of my family. On mothers day for our celebrtion he just showed up. so i left with my girls. My father charged at me telling me i was tearing up the family and and bunch of other stuff. jerk. I dont want him around my girls at all, dont want him to see pics of them. If i see him it will be just me. I was told he was not going to be there. My mom was so upset she wanted to leave with us. I made her stay. I guess my dad disowned me. whatever there is more to the story but that is the just so what would you do?

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debmom07

Asked by debmom07 at 12:20 PM on May. 13, 2009 in Relationships

Level 6 (132 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • I would have done the exact same thing. Stick to your guns and tell dad that you are doing what you feel is best for your kids....sorry sweetie.
    Bearsjen

    Answer by Bearsjen at 12:22 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • Keep my children away and count it as a brother lost. Once a pedifile always a pedifile! Your not breaking up your family your protecting your family and you shouldnt be blamed for that!
    nursinghannah

    Answer by nursinghannah at 12:23 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • I wouldn't be able to let ANYONE around my daughter if they have molested in the past. I don't care what the relationship between that person and I was/is I wouldn't want them around my DD for her protection.

    My grandfather molested my mother, my aunt, and my oldest sister... my mom stopped the cycle there & never allowed him around my other sister or myself. I would NEVER let him around my DD.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:24 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • Forgiving is one thing but forgetting is another. You never have to forget what he did. You are right to protect your children. There was a movie with Kevin Bacon in it about this very thing. The sister had a really hard time with what he did and she had daughters. A mother has to protect her children at all costs even if it upsets dad. Dad is a guy. He doesn't understand. Your brother knows you are doing the right thing. He can't help himself so someone must remain in control. You are doing just that. Good for you.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:24 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • I dont blame you i woul never let my kids be around him either and if they cant understand that well then thats to bad for them. my mom was molested by her dad when she was young and he is a preacher now and if i lived in the same state i would never let my kids around him
    miss_aquarius22

    Answer by miss_aquarius22 at 12:25 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • If your dad is diowning you he's tearing up the family, and it doesn't matter if everyone forgives him, he did what he did and can't change it you have the right as a mother to protect your daughters and if you do not feel comfortable don't be around him, he did it to his own daughter what would stop him from doing it to yours, I love my brothers but if one of them did that I would NOT let my kids around them sorry, God fobit something did happen and you dauthers said something to you, who would your dad or family side with then?
    NicholeAT

    Answer by NicholeAT at 12:26 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • You''ve done the right thing and don't let anyone make you feel bad.
    DaffodilFae

    Answer by DaffodilFae at 12:27 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • I would be the same way..You should tell him how you feel. So he understands. And tell your Dad to how you feel.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 12:31 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • You are doing what you feel is right for you and your children.
    It's sad that your Mom's day was upset, but your Dad made the scene, not you (unless you yanked the kids up and ran dragging them behind you).
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 12:35 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • you cant be FORCED to like. love or accept anyone. you reacted to a situation that you were put in that made you feel uncomfortable...not just yourself but put your children in danger. you did the right thing. you cannot control other peoples actions. you can only control your re-actions. i think you did a great job. i would have lost it. as far as your dad is concerned present the question to him "What would you do if someone intentionally hurt one of your grand daughters?" i am sure his responce will be less than plesant. then explain to him that knowing your brother did that to his OWN CHILD disturbs you and you are not going to take any chances on your children getting hurt. he has to respect your decision as a mom. i am assuming he would go to the ends of the earth to protect his grand babies...well his own son is someone that they need to be protected from. sorry...the truth hurts. he is probably having issues with that.
    JessieK79

    Answer by JessieK79 at 12:36 PM on May. 13, 2009

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