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More Money then we have

My husbands ex wife is alsways asking for money for my step children classes and activities. He pays a monthly child support check as it is. we have a roof over our head and food on the table my sons and i do free activities as it is. but if i say somthing i'm always the bad guy. Where do you draw the line of supporting a family that dose not live with you and supporting a family that is with you always. I guess i feel like the kids mom is takingaway from me and my sons.


Asked by MelaMama111 at 1:44 PM on May. 13, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (24)
  • Dont' let anyone tell you that you are not good stepmom material.. And shame on you Anon for sayign that shit!!!!!!! My husbands ex wife calls us 2 to 5 days a month for extra money.. My hubby gives her a wonderful amount and she lives at home with her mother, so she has no bills except car payments.. And I tell him no!!! He's going to give her what is required by law, and nothing more. If my stepson wanted to do a sport, and we had the extra money, then we'd pay for it.. but ONLY if we had the extra money.. The people saying ugly things to you are obviously not step parents and maybe wish there hubby or ex hubby was a better person!! And that whole.. They came first, so get over it is bullshit! That's rude as everything! They obviously don't know how hard and stressful it is to be a step parent.. I'm sorry for what you are going through. If you and your kids need money for essentials, then he just can't play that sport.

    Answer by PeytonsMom21109 at 2:13 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • That is what the child support is for. If she needs more or feels that she needs more, then she needs to take him to court (which I'm sure you don't want to hear.) Other than that, he needs to stand up to her and tell her no.

    Answer by TheDiva320 at 1:46 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • With all due respect she and the other child were first. His first obligation will always be towards them. You on the other hand made the choice to be second. . The child support he pays though should be used to support those activities with his first child. He is not obligated to give more unless the courts demand it. I am not trying to be mean spirited but thats just the way that it is. I certainly hope that things work out for you. Good luck.

    Answer by mamakirs at 1:48 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • we have the same prob he pays child support and shes been asking for money for hockey equip. and we cant afford it at all but she has her in two hocky leagues at the same time that require two diff. equip. its so annoying!!

    Answer by jac1908 at 1:48 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • Set limits if he's going to go over and beyond child support. He doesn't get credit for giving her extra money that doesnt go through the court system. If he is bent on giving her more then set up a "school" account in your budget for stuff like that so it's there to draw from instead of coming out of your pocket at an inopportune time for your family. You could also draw from it for your sons so it's not just for her.

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:50 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • If she can't afford the activities, then she should look into something else. There are a lot of activities that my son doesn't do because I just don't have the extra money for them. His dad hardly pays child support as it is, so asking him to pay MORE would be a joke! Not to mention, it's what the courts deemed fair. Although, I know at any point, I can go and have that adjusted should I need to.

    Answer by TheDiva320 at 1:51 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • That is the life of being a second wife. If your husband wants to pay for activities for the kids that do not get to live with him good for him. He probably feels some guilt the kids that live with him get more time. My husband pays for many things for his children with his ex. I encourage it. We even helped his ex pay for a surgery she needed. They are divorced but we are all still a family. His kids with her I love dearly and do many things for. We have gone without so they could have braces and what not. It is what we do for family. Sounds like you are not very good stepmom material.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:52 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • i say if you can pay for your kids to do sports you can pay for his kids to do sports
    if you cant pay for your kids to do it then you cant pay for his kids to do it
    everyone should be equal

    Answer by mommymeg03 at 2:02 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • ok i have to step in for a min --- i do not at all disagree with your frusteration, but all theese moms saying he pays child support that is enough must never have ever had to be on the recieving endi am a single mom - ya i recieve child support but it is minimal while he sits in his big ass house with his nice cars ect and has no part in my sons life i have to struggle to get by.
    my son is in activities. i have previously asked for help paying for it, soccer is about $90 per season, I asked if he could split it with me. he didnt. but dont think that child support covers it all!!
    the housing, the utilities, the childcare, the time off when he is sick, clothes, diapers when he ws younger, arranging work schedules around childcare hours, medications, ect ect ect ect
    i DO NOT think that your family should be made to suffer and i FULLY believe that all the children should be treated equally.child support doesnt cover cost

    Answer by mommymeg03 at 2:11 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • He is only obligated to pay what the court has ordered. If he cannot afford this, then he needs to go back to court.

    Answer by rkoloms at 2:23 PM on May. 13, 2009