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Stay at home vs. working away from home

I recently found out that I was pregnant and me and my husband are thrilled. We've been trying since our wedding day almost 4 years ago. Although I am only 6 weeks pregnant, I proceeded to tell everyone I knew! A friend of mine who has no children of her own asked when I was quitting my job. I told her after my maternity leave of 4 months, I would return back to work. I wasn't going to be a stay at home mom, and she just couldn't believe it! Her belief is you don't have children until you can stay at home with them at least until your youngest is in school. Although I love my child to death already and I'm happy about being a mom, I don't want to be a stay at home mom. I have a job that I love and that pays very well and I dont' feel like I should give that up. Does this make me a bad mom? (I also only work 8 hrs a day and hubby works 8, and we both work morning shifts)

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:59 PM on May. 13, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • Nothing wrong with that at all :)
    Congratulations by the way momma!! :)
    amy31308

    Answer by amy31308 at 2:01 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • No, you are not a bad mom. Moms today can choose to go to work or be a SAHM whatever works for them, neither is better than the other. Your friend's assumption sounds like she was just transported from 1950. Please. Congrats by the way!
    gramsmom

    Answer by gramsmom at 2:01 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • no of course this doesnt make you a bad mom! you're not the only mom out there who will be going back to work once maternity leave is over! some do it because they need the money, others because they love their job, others because staying at home would drive them insane! how do you feel about daycare? if you dont like the idea of a 4 m/o being in that evironment you could have family or friends watch, or if your workplace offers it do it there! I decided to be a sahm because I felt wary of placing my son in the daycare environment at such a young age. plus SO makes enough money to support us, but I feel guilt everyday since I was so used to chipping in with the bills at one point in time
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:05 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • Absolutely not. That is a personal choice .
    mamakirs

    Answer by mamakirs at 2:11 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • There is nothing wrong with not wanting to be a SAHM. I'm the same way! I stayed home with my son until he was about 3.5 months old. I then started back to work part time, and was full time when he was around 4.5 months. I was SO ready to go back to work! I didn't really enjoy staying at home, felt like the walls were closing in on me and I was doing the same thing over and over (laundry, dishes, clean ... repeat!) ...

    My SIL stays home with her four kids and loves it. SAHM is very hard and some women can handle it and would hate working ... and some are the opposite (like me and you).
    ap9902

    Answer by ap9902 at 2:22 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • Nothing wrong with working. I am a SAHM but that is a choice that works well for my family since my husband makes more than enough to support us all. I saw a couple of recent studies that show children in daycare did as well if not better in school and in general as kids with SAHM's. Kids thrive when mom and dad are happy and they are loved. Do what is best for you and your family.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:24 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • there is nothing wrong with wanting to work....I want to get a job after the baby is born and we get somewhat of a schedule down but we only have one car so i cant. But i do know that some people after working when their kids are young they dont like to be away from them for that long so they end up quitting. But see how you like it. And it will give you a little bit of a break from your kid. Thats a reason a friend of mine still worked.
    Shelii

    Answer by Shelii at 3:19 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • While there is nothing wrong with being a working mom, if your friend knew that you were trying for 4 yrs, I'm not surprised that she assumed that you would stay home. Did she say she thought you were a bad mom or only that she wouldn't do it that way? Often times we make decisions for ourselves and just assume that everybody else agrees with us. She is probably scrimping and saving so she can afford to stay home and finally start her family and she might just be disappointed to learn that you 1) weren't waiting like she thought you were and 2) aren't doing it her way. She might even be worried that she might not get pregnant the minute she wants to after having delayed her gratification. I don't know your friend, so I'm guessing. but I can tell you that I never intended to be a working mom, but it happened twice. It is not something I choose.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:36 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • Don't feel guilty.. I stay home with my 2yr and 1yr old...I stayed home with my oldest until she was 3 and then she went to daycare..sometimes i wish I was at work because I think it would be easier..right now with the cost of daycare it wouldn't be worth it for me to work unless I made alot of money..to each his own..I have friends whose kids were in daycare since birth and they're perfectly fine...good look..and congrats
    Jan40

    Answer by Jan40 at 3:39 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • Going to work doesn't stop you from parenting. I was able to keep my son until he went to kindergarden and that was great but i was in a bed marriage too, so I wasn't that happy. Now with my daughter I have had her in daycare since she was a baby, she is super smart as a resullt but occassionally I fell guilt that I could not give her personl attention like my son and I wonder if her behavior is due to being around the kids and other influnces at school. If I had a choice i would be a stay at home mom. But it is a personal choice.
    my2kids312

    Answer by my2kids312 at 4:29 PM on May. 13, 2009

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