Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

WHY?

Why do I care so much what people say about my relationship (untrue)?
DF and I are going through a rough patch with a now ex-friend of his. and this friend of his is degrading us like no other to my DF (and now his little "g/f" is messaging me). saying we're not happy, we're getting married for the wrong reasons, and the one that gets me the most--that our 5 1/2 month old son isn't my DF's! (he looks just like him! and I have NEVER been unfaithful, EVER! DF is my ONE AND ONLY!)
Theres obviously alot more to the story, but I just want to stop caring what people (who don't mean SHIT to me) say about me and or my relationship.
DF & I have been together 4 1/2 years, getting married in less than 4 months, and we're totally and completely happy and in love!
So why do I get SO upset when people, (not only this guy) degrade my relationship by saying untrue things? And how do I STOP?! It gets me every time...

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:03 PM on May. 13, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • not sure why but you are giving them WAY too much power and control over you and your life. Figure a way to stop it. You are cheating yourself and your SO out of joy. Those ppl are not worth it. They are stupid and want to control you. Don't let them.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:07 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • I used to be the same way. I dont know how i did it but now i just dont care what people think anymore.There are alwyas things that are going to get to you just look at it like whatever f u and go on your way. You know that everything is great between you and your DF so screw what everyone else thinks. I had a bunch of people telling me that after i got married i would be divorced in 3 or 4 months. I was mad about it but i knew it wasnt true because me and my hubby love eachother. Just think of how great its going to feel when you prove to all those people that degrade your relationship that things are so great that you got married and are doing wonderful. Thats how i look at things. I try to find something to shove in their face of why things are great lol. I know kinda childish but it makes me feel better showing how wrong they are.
    Shelii

    Answer by Shelii at 3:12 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • OP here: we'll we've completely cut them out of our life, except he obviously still has DF's phone number...I mean I don't know what else to do. I know it will get better once the situation calms down, this just blew up yesterday...so I'm still fired up about it. But I'm letting it go...I totally understand what you mean.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:13 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • Something is going on that you're not aware of. Whether DF has said something to his friend in anger, or something. I've told people that when they say something about the one they love in anger, it can't be taken back and it's embedded in that persons mind forever. You get over it and they don't usually.
    And then there's people that just like the drama, but for him and his girlfriend both to be doing this... something is up I'd think even if it's only in their minds.
    Ignore them and move forward if you feel that your relationship is solid and they're just full of it. Only you and your man know what the relationship is like behind closed doors and sounds like they're not too good of friends.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 3:28 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • its gonna bug you unless you learn how to ignore it
    hug4akiss

    Answer by hug4akiss at 4:30 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • Maybe his friend just doesn't like you and he knows that marrying you will take a little more guy time away. Too bad. If he was a real friend to your DF, he'd be happy just to know that your DF is happy. Sounds like he's trying to control and manipulate your DF. . .


    admckenzie is absolutely right. Don't let other people steal your joy!! YOU have the power to choose what will get your attention; negativity should have 0 seconds of your life!! Remember that! wink


    BTW- Congratulations!! Do you have a dress yet? If so, are there pictures?

    cary717

    Answer by cary717 at 4:37 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • I was with my ex for a year and a half. My best friend and my dad both hated him. They would dis on him all the time and I let it go in one ear and out the other. I think their hunch was right though because he was not the one for me. Either way, if they can't help then tell them to shut it. You only want positive remarks and people in your life. If it is people who truly care about you than I would take their opinion into consideration. If it is his friends then they are just talking crap because they don't like you. My husband has a friend like that, he dissed on my husbands ex and still does. My husband knows he's not the greatest person out there. As long as your man actually dislikes his buddy's talking crap you'll be okay. If he tolerates it and lets them bash you than there is a problem. In the mean time try to separate yourself and your man from these people. Point it out to your man that they are not helping.
    Tickledtrauma

    Answer by Tickledtrauma at 4:39 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • Set the Drama Lama straight and get rid of toxic people in your life. hmm.. I wonder how come I avoid all these drama's??? I don't ALLOW IT!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:51 PM on May. 13, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.