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Should I be doing something about this? (posted in relationships too)

My two year seems to largely prefer my mom over his other grandparents. Now it is pretty obvious that he is going to prefer her over dh's biological mom because he sees he maybe once a year. I think he has been around her 3 times since he has been born (4 tops). But the issue that keeps upsetting my husband (with me for some reason) is that when we are with both my mom and his mom and dad our son will want to sit with my mom and play with her. He has even gone as far as crying when his other grandparents try to take him away from her. I told my dh that I would assume this is normal because my mom makes it a point to see our son at least once a week for some kind of visit. She also usually asks to take him overnight once a month on average (sometimes more sometimes less) now he only sees dh's parents a couple times a month in a "high number of visits" month. (cont in first reply.)

 
kfroz0415

Asked by kfroz0415 at 3:06 PM on May. 13, 2009 in Toddlers (1-2)

Level 16 (2,977 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • anon, she said she does make the effort, she invites them over all the time. i do agree that your dh needs to chill out. it's not your fault that your mom actually makes an effort to come see your son, and his parents don't. it's not his fault either, it's THEIR fault. tell your dh that if they came to visit more often, you wouldn't be having this problem, but since/if they want to do what they want to do, then it's going to stay this way until they change their ways. your dh has no right to get onto you about this.
    armywife43

    Answer by armywife43 at 3:19 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • I should add that they don't live very far away about 15 minutes from our home and we are willing to visit them or have them visit us whenever they want. They are also in town everyday for work and I have said they can call and stop by when they get off if they want and I will make sure ds is up and ready to visit. Now dh gets mad at me and my mom because our son runs to my mom first or tends to spend more time with her when we are all together. I don't know what to do other than not ever have us all do anything as a group (which really I don't like as an option)... I have also started to make sure I as his parents first when we need a sitter just to give the extra opportunity for them to spend time together... But he still gets mad and has it in his head that my mom and I must be doing something I think. I kind of put it off to normal toddler behavior. What do you think?
    kfroz0415

    Answer by kfroz0415 at 3:06 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • OH btw I should add dh's mom and bio mom are two different people. His bio mom lives 8 hrs away his mom (tech step mom) lives in town with his dad.
    kfroz0415

    Answer by kfroz0415 at 3:06 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • Of course he prefers the grandma he sees more often! You should make an effort to visit your husband's parents and invite them over when your mom isn't there, so he gets to know them better. And you husband needs to chill out about this.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:10 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • I agree with anon. Since this is so distressing to your husband, perhaps he could take leadership in arranging for more visits with the other grandparents.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 3:16 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • any kid is going to prefer someone that they are familiar with.... my son prefers my exs "parents" who arent even blood... to my mom...... they were more active in his life than my mom was and have a better way of handling him than she does... and shes always getting mad cause he prefers them over her and shes blood....
    it happens. its normal... just keep presenting them opportunities to be around and it should get better in time....
    trystons_mommy

    Answer by trystons_mommy at 3:17 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • the child will want who he wants.... and you cant help that some are more infused in his life! he should be proud your mom is more of a grandmother than his parents
    tiffandgene2009

    Answer by tiffandgene2009 at 3:19 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • armywife43- that's another thing he says, "they see him all the time." Which usually leads to me saying they don't see him THAT much (not that it isn't enough) it's just not enough for him to associate with them like he does my mom. I think I am just going to quit worrying about it. If he wants to get his panties in a bunch over it he can arrange more visits somehow. :o)
    kfroz0415

    Answer by kfroz0415 at 3:23 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • My 2 year old prefers my parents to my husband's parents for pretty much the same reason. My parents see him regularly (they live very close) and my husband parents live out of state. They do make an effort to see him but at 2, familiarity is everything. If it bothers your husband and his parents, they should try to do something about it and see him more often. However, this may not fix things. My 2 yr old isn't wild about one of my brothers despite seeing him fairly regularly. I'm totatlly at a loss as to why.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:31 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • All children are different and it also depends on their age. My seven year old daughter sees my mom more often than my husbands mother. However, my baby girl prefers my mother in law over my mother. She loves them both but prefers her paternal grandmother. I do not feel bad or angry because we are all entitled to our preferences. Your husband should make more of an effort to take your child to see his parents. His parents should make more of an effort as well. You can also allow your child to call he grandparents several times a week and show her pictures of them often. I use this with my son with his god parents. I speak of his god parents to him and she calls and I call her so that he does not forget or grow apart form them
    kindness316

    Answer by kindness316 at 4:01 PM on May. 13, 2009