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How can I help my very shy 4YO daughter?

Please. I don't want her to spend her whole life being afraid to do things because she's shy. What can I do for her?


Asked by gramsmom at 3:07 PM on May. 13, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (9)
  • don't push.she is only 4 and there is plenty of time.I think we push our kids too hard in lots of ways.We need to step back and let them be kids.

    Answer by starshine57 at 4:32 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • mine is the same age same problem. I am sure they will grow out of it. But it keeps them away from strangers. Thats a plus

    Answer by bizima4 at 3:10 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • Don't push her, the last thing a shy child needs is to get the message from their parent that there is something wrong with them. But at the same time don't coddle her, don't assume that she will be shy in each new situation. Try to find situations in which she is comfortable interacting with other people & let her go at her own pace. Some "shy" people just need longer getting used to a situation before they can open up.

    Answer by nysa00 at 3:14 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • She's not participating in group activities at school. During free play time she has fun with friends but the very second someone is watching her she refuses to speak.

    Answer by gramsmom at 3:15 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • I tried answering earlier and my computer went funny. I grew up very shy, so I know where she is coming from. I am still somewhat shy but I have really blossomed lately! Big number one thing is don't push. Encourage her to do things on her own, but if she doesn't want to, don't make a big deal out of it. Take her to parks and playgroups, and places other kids will be, but if she ends up playing by herself, as long as she is happy, just let her be!

    Answer by avpriddis at 3:16 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • Have you tried getting her involved with an activity? My dd was this way, she was a bit younger, I think 3. We put her in soccer and she loved it. It gave her a chance to be with other kids and slowly talk about the game. The focus was on the game and the team so she wasn't "on the spot", so it was safe.

    Answer by teamquinn at 3:17 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • Yes, she is in ballet class and she takes swim lessons, she also goes to preschool 3x per week.

    Answer by gramsmom at 3:18 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • Sorry I don't know how to help with the school thing. I remember on my report cards, just about every teacher would write the same thing "love having her in our class, but she is very shy". Just be very supportive of her without babying her.

    Answer by avpriddis at 3:20 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • Each child's personality is different and they go through stages.  I do think kids are more shy when they do not feel comfortable or confident in a situation or activity.  Talk to her about what is making uncomfortable and if it is because she is unknowledgeable about the activity (i,e. shy at soccer, you could teach her the rules and practice with her and give lots of praise).   Also see these self-esteem/confidence books  Read together to help her understand about being shy.


    Answer by momjs at 6:46 PM on May. 13, 2009