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Invested....

I've been with my bf for 6 1/2 years off and on....and we have been through a wholeee lot. We have two kids and in that time i've realized that I need counseling like no other. I have issues with my relationship that probably spawn from my upbring and so does he, so we bring a lot of bagges to the table (i know we need counceling and we are arranging that as we speak), but I feel the connection that I have is almost unhealthy for me. When I feel he is angry with me or is un-happy I take on the stress whever I go, I can't even go to work or enjoy my day b/c it is constantly on my mind. I am constantly reviewing myself and my actions to see where I went wrong and what I can change and it drives me crazy. Sometimes I really do feel like I am losing my mind. Our communication is not that great, I mean he just doesn't like to talk (that's the way it is) and I have to play the whole guessing game. (continued below)....

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:29 PM on May. 13, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • I swear, he tells me I'm his perfect woman and I have everything his ever wanted but I analyze everything. If he doesn't kiss me the same I feel something is wrong, if he doesn't talk to me the same than I feel something is wrong.... then I start having dreams and that just tops everything off then here I go checking his emails and text and evrything else for that matter. I just don't know some days I am such an emotional wreck over it b/c I want to be the woman he is proud of but at times I don't think I can pull it off. I admit he is partially to blame but I think the issue lies within me and i just can't put my finger on it so I can address the issue and move on. I guess it boils down to i really don't think I even deserve the things I have in my life so I am constantly afraid of losing it. Does anyone else feel this way??
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:34 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • wow, that's a bit intense. Do you ever get to relax and just enjoy the moment? Can you get a weekend away with just him or something? Sounds like you need it. There is a book called Don't Sweat the Small Stuff. Maybe you could read that. My SO is passive-aggressive so I have to read his body language a lot. Not easy since he's Special Ops Air Force. So sometimes I think something is wrong when it's not. I have to just depend on him to tell me when something is really wrong. Not easy there either since he holds things inside. Can't win for losing some days but I'm not about to stress over it. I look at it as if he wasn't happy he'd be gone. It helps relieve tension by thinking that way
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:54 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • I think you need counseling, see if he will go with you, communication is vital in a realationship.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:07 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • If you love him stay with him and work through the councling. Then again sometimes you need to separate from someone to grow yourself and then in return become closer to them. Your connection to him is only unhealthy becuase you are emotionally unhealthy...and if you are going through therapy that should change. I think it is great you two are working on things instead of giving up!
    Also I want to say that I use freak out EVERY time my husband was uspet with me because I was abused as a child and it was like a trigger for me to freak out. As I grew more and came to understand that it stopped. I wish you both the best of luck!
    ShannonLeigh02

    Answer by ShannonLeigh02 at 4:09 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • Wow a lot of that sounds like it is all in your head. Like you are overanalyzing it. Just cool down for a min. Relationships are not perfect, they are not suppose to be, if there are no break downs there can't be any growth. Why don't you try to not let this stuff bug you for one. Change your attitude. Maybe he's got such a bad attitude because you do too. And when you need him to communicate, tell him you need to hear his thoughts. Some men have a really hard time with this, and they only want to talk if they are out of their cave. Do not try to talk to him if he is in his cave. Check out the book Men are from Mars, women are from Venus, it has some pointers on how to handle men when it comes to stuff like this. But my main advice for you is buck up girl. Relationships have problems and sometimes they aren't fixed over night. Now change your attitude, and give your man a big smile and a passionate kiss when you see him.
    Tickledtrauma

    Answer by Tickledtrauma at 4:49 PM on May. 13, 2009

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