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How to bond with a formual-fed baby?

I nursed my little one until she was maybe 2 months old. The nurses at her birth got her confused, giving her bottles and pacifiers when i said no so she never really took to the breast. I gave up after two months of struggling with a nearly under-weight baby so please be nice.

Now our princess is 11 months old and we dont really bond with her. I play with her and talk to her all day long, go on walks, Daddy too when he gets off of work. I dont feel close to her though like i did when i was nursing. How can i get those ooey-gooey-mommy feelings again? Im due to have another in three months but i want to feel like a mommy to this one! She hates being held for more than a few minutes, but thats what i need. Any suggestions?


Asked by Anonymous at 6:25 PM on May. 13, 2009 in Babies (0-12 months)

This question is closed.
Answers (16)
  • It sounds like you want a cuddly activity to connect? Here's a drastic solution, but one that could be helpful for you. I suggest this because you don't want to have ambivalent feelings when the new one arrives. Could you switch her to a bigger bed and snuggle before bed? Most kids would accept cuddles right before bed. You don't have to cosleep. You don't have to let her fall asleep. It seems like even ten minutes cuddled up with her would help you.

    Secondly, as a mom who breastfeeds, as the babies become toddlers, it isn't as ooey gooey anymore. :) I breastfed my first for 14 months, and my 8 month old is going strong. A formula feeding mom can't understand the feelings associated with nursing. What you're feeling is normal scared, shocked, bittersweet feelings over a baby growing up. You would feel this even if she were nursing now. I did right around that time, too.

    Answer by apexmommy at 10:40 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • Bonding is just something that keeps you from eating your offspring. Dads of breast fed babies still bond but with other activities.

    I have no idea why you dont feel bonded to your baby or what you can do to fix it though.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:28 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • That's odd, I also breast fed my baby for a whole month before my milk dried up from getting sick, I am still very bonded though, and never had that problem at all....... You just have to enjoy your time with your baby!

    Answer by pamelajqs at 6:30 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • Well, if she's to this point and hates to be held, it may be a little late to change her mind. My daughter actually didn't like being held too much around this age, either, though. It may just be a stage that she'll come out of. Mine actually asks for me to hold her "like a baby" (she's 2 1/2 now) when she's drinking a sippy cup. It sounds like you're a very involved mom. Try not to dwell on the lack of bonding. Liek I said, it may just pass. Or you might soon discover another way to 'get close.'

    Answer by MommyDumDum at 6:31 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • some children are just like that. My first and third were bonding but that middle one just never bonded and I breast fed her for 2 yrs. It's just her way. you didn't do anything wrong.

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:35 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • There are babies that love to snuggle and babies who don't. Spend as much time as you can with her: read and play and talk. Go for walks and talk about what you see.

    Answer by rkoloms at 6:37 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • Honestly even though I think formula sucks...breastfeeding has NOTHING to do with bonding, feeding is feeding...yeah to BF you must hold your baby more so thats why people think its about bonding but bonding can be done in any way. At her age she is getting to understand she is a person on her own and resents you trying to make her do something with you like cuddling..

    How about get in the bathtub with her and play with her...

    Answer by tabi_cat1023 at 6:39 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • Somerhing i dont understand.. All day she stays under my feet. I get onto the computer to ask a question and she crawls over here and whines and rolls over and around my feet. I dont know what she wants. I try picking her up and it works for a minute but then she squirms to get loose. Maybe she wants me off the computer; but to do what? She'll give me attention for 5 minutes then go play with the playstation controller. Mommy gets back on the computer then oh no, gotta go get back under her feet. I go to the bathroom and she stands at the baby gate just watching until i come back X__X

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:46 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • If you don't feel bonded to your baby, you should go talk to someone. It has nothing to do with how she was fed. You nursed her for 2 months and if it was such a wonderful bonding tool, you'd have that bond anyway according to most lactivists out there.

    It could also have something to do with you being pregnant so quickly after her birth. I have two who are closer in age than yours will be and I did not feel as "bonded" to the elder while pregnant with the younger.

    She knows something is going on, so she's probably keeping a little distant, too. (yes, they can) There is just too much going on in yours and her world right now with the baby coming. Forget about how your toddler was fed. That has nothing to do with who she is. She is who she is and she would be who she is no matter how she was fed.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:50 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • She may not be the cuddly kind of kid, not all kids like to be cuddled or held. I think that you've bonded pretty well with her taking her on walks, reading to her, and playing with her.

    Answer by homealone_10 at 7:23 PM on May. 13, 2009