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why can't we stop being angry

okay i have a guestion, it's going to require a long back story i apoligize in advance. its seems that my husaband and i (married for 4 years), with a 13 month old son, can't stop being so angry at each other. we love each other so much and nowhere near divorce or seperation but we dont' want to get that close. we can't figure out why we fight and how to stop it.



we've been through tough times of my husband trying to get a firefigthing job, school, side jobs . I lost my job while pregent, now getting back to work ( when travis was 4 months old). now trying to figure out how to balance it all. i'm not sure if i'm still angry at my husband for being so distant when travis was born. we seem so stressed but can't get over it, i also feel my husband cna't do anything right and i feel he's lazy when he comes home. i try to lay off him but still get angry. does anyone have any advice. it's much appricated, thank you

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mommastink

Asked by mommastink at 10:05 PM on May. 13, 2009 in Relationships

Level 3 (27 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • you have that resentment that he is lazy and doesn't do anything right. and i'm sure there is something that he feels about you, that fosters and then when you do decide to say something or you do get into a legitimate argument the resentment you guys are feeling makes it even worse. when it comes to him "not doing things right" what is it you feel he isn't doing right? and maybe he knows you feel that way, which in turn leads to the laziness, if you tell him every time he does dishes that he doesn't do them right and you go back and do them again, than why should he bother? thats the way he sees it. i think your best bet is to sit down after the baby has gone to bed, and just talk about everything, how he feels, how you feel, and then from there go to who should do what around the house etc...if everything is out in the open and discussed nicely w/o arguing it makes things easier. otherwise you could try couples counseling
    vabchmommy

    Answer by vabchmommy at 10:09 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • look you either accept him or you don't but trying to change each other doesn't work. you'll always have the power struggle and neither of you are right. what would be right is to accept and appreciate each other. although i don't know how you can do that. good luck. read this book, proper care and feeding of husbands. has really good insight on women's points of view of men and what men need.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 10:14 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • thank you for your assistance i'll check that book out!
    mommastink

    Answer by mommastink at 10:37 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • Sorr I don't have any advice, but I feel the same way sometimes.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:43 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • i sometimes wonder if he is angry at me subcouniscouly for being laid off and causing the beginnning of our hardships. he keeps telling me its not my fault but i feel resisment in him. then the feeling becomes mutual.
    mommastink

    Answer by mommastink at 10:53 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • I am not sure how religious you all are or what religion you follow but a good christian based counselor would help both of you to not be so selfish with your hidden emotions. Plus being so selfish when dealing with what the other person is experiencing in their mind.If you both can get yourself off of your mind and do some unconditional loving on purpose no matter how you feel you will see all those walls come down.No mater what he does wrong you just love him without judgement (unless it's abuse).It will be hard but it works.He will start to return the favor and he will love you always for being first to let down the guard.Somebody has to do it first.
    ManEater26

    Answer by ManEater26 at 4:43 AM on May. 14, 2009

  • My husband and I have been married for 14 years and the best advice I can give you is to simply talk. Let him know that you BOTH DESERVE a space where you can be honest with each other. You two are married, supposed to be a team, not COMPETITORS . My husband and I were married for 3 years when all of the same feelings came to a head. TURN OFF THE TV, get the kids to bed and sit in the same room. The talking will happen if you are patient. Men need to be taught how to do this-they aren't raised like us. It isn't always easy because sometimes you'll have to face your own faults and mistakes, because you aren't perfect in his eyes either. He has a responsibility to you as a friend, as your lover, as your husband. Men (most of them anyway) understand fairness and friendship. Just get him talking-he'll learn. And remember-BE AS KIND AS YOU CAN BE-men's egos are fragile.
    KGB31

    Answer by KGB31 at 12:35 PM on May. 14, 2009

  • thanks guys. that was a big help. i herad someone say once " yesterday is histroy, tommorrow is a mystery and today is a gift. that is why they call it the present." i actually took today to think how i could help him and stop thinking of myself and gave him some space. he actually came down stairs and bonded with out any resentment. thanks a lot and i'll try my best!
    mommastink

    Answer by mommastink at 8:51 PM on May. 14, 2009

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