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Step-MIL Problems HELP!!PIOG

My step MIL is Mexican American. She wants my kids to call her Ama. I do not know spanish but when I look it up, it says it is english for Mom. I know the spanish name for grandma is Abuela (sp?) but also Ama sounds like Mama which is what I am called. I don't even consider her to be a grand mother to my kids. I do not like this woman. No one does but my FIL. She is a "know it all" "I am right" "I know best" kind of person. what would you say to her and how do you deal with a person like that?
Also, when we go to visit, she never child proofs the house and then gets upset if the kids touch her stuff.. She also took down all the pics of my hubby and two sisters and put up pics of her family and daughter. What do you ladies think of this situation??? I am at a lose. I am confused and frustrated. I am posting Anon because I have family on here who know her. sorry. I can't move further away and my kids are 3yrs and 18 months

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:38 PM on May. 13, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • "Ama" is not mother or mom, it's used more along the lines of mistress of the house, sometimes for a foster mother. It's a noun and used in a way to say what some one does...example ama de case, mistress, or ama de llaves, house keeper. I speak limited spanish but my MIL is fluent and certified in spanish and that is what she said. SO I wouldn't worry about the kids calling her that.
    luckysevenwow

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 12:06 AM on May. 14, 2009

  • Choose your battles. Is it really that bad they call her Ama? They don't know what it means and do the other grandkids call her that? If they do it might make yours feel left out. Also I grew up with you just don't touch stuff in other peoples house. I don't expect every place I go to to be child proof, I just watch my kids and make sure they don't get into stuff.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:51 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • If you saw this house, then you would understand. there are nic nacs every where. from top to bottom. precious things she doesn't want anyone to touch. When I go there I don't get to visit and talk to my FIL (which is why we go) I am constantly no don't touch that no put that down. I can't take my eyes off of them.
    and Yes it is a big deal. she is not their mother I am and she should not be called Mom in any language. No there are no other grand kids around. These are not her grand kids. I don't care if it makes her feel left out. it won't make my kids feel left out because neither one of my kids want any thing to do with her because she is constantly yelling at them for touching her precious things. She is always wanting to teach them spanish and pushing them. when we go to FIL's house it is like I am sending my kids to school. They can't play with their grandpa they have to learn spanish. It pisses me off. I need real help
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:04 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • I have a 2 year old and an 18 month old so I know about avoiding the nick-knacks. My MIL has them and is shocked when my kids want to play with them. It's her home and she doesn't have kids so you are going to have to deal with it. I always bring extra toys to try to entertain them. I know it's frustrating considering when I go to my Mother's she even has electrical outlet plugs and my MIL refuses to put up anything. This goes for the pictures too. Your FIL has allowed her to take down and replace pictures. It's their home, not your choice.

    The name however is. And I say a huge SCREW that! I would have your kids call her Grandma/Grandmother. Just explain it's easier for them. If she persists stand your ground and just flat out say no. If she corners them and is forcing them to do anything you don't like, Spanish or not, lead them away. Be blatant if you have to. She has shown no regards for your feelings so why should you.
    Mommy2Bears

    Answer by Mommy2Bears at 11:45 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • You are their mother so if you don't feel comfortable having your kids call her Ama then tell her that and if you don't like the way she treats your kids then don't go over there. Trust me family or not, it's not worth the stress.
    sammiesmom2000

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 12:04 AM on May. 14, 2009

  • Just don't go over anymore then. Invite them to your house. If they choose not to come then it is on them.
    Soniam301

    Answer by Soniam301 at 12:06 AM on May. 14, 2009

  • I agree w/ Soniam301. Explain to ur FIL y u this is the way it is.Explain the knick knack stuff and even the Ama situation.Ur kids Ur call!
    mommyhero

    Answer by mommyhero at 1:08 AM on May. 14, 2009

  • Whew...right, i agree with mommyhero and soniam01...why do you put yourself through all that nonsense. I would explain of why you would preffer that they come to your house in a nice way. Shock them by being so very nice to them and nothing bad can be said by them about you. It is a lot harder to be kind, then it is to be rude.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:58 AM on May. 14, 2009

  • I think that it is between her and your FIL about their home and what pictures are hung or not hung up. I also think you have the choice to bring or not bring your children to visit a home that is not the best place for your children to play if it is not age appropriately proofed. They really don't have to proof it because your kids don't live there. And you can choose a nick name of affection that you like for your children to use. Hold firm to that. I always stress being patient and kind even when you don't like a family member (or step). Your children may end up treating you or your husband the way you treat her. So show them patience and tolerance as you offer that to her. The way you treat her is the example you hold up to them. What if you future DIL thinks unkind things about you? How will son expect her to treat her despite her negative feelings? It's more your relationship with your kids now and later :)
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 9:40 AM on May. 14, 2009