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WHAT do I do with this boy?!?!?

My son, David, will be eight at the end of June, and usually he's a good boy. But lately, he's turned into a demon. I feel like I can't reach him. With his two older sisters, I can talk with them, but not him. And I am running out of ideas to get to him. I don't want to have to resort to yelling and spanking, which I only use as a last resort anyway, but he pushes it that far where it's all but necessary. He yells that he hates me, usually when he doesn't get his way. I have tried ignoring this, telling him it isn't nice, taking stuff away like his games, but NOTHING IS WORKING...and I feel like I am losing control with him. I want to get a handle on him NOW while he is little because if I don't, once he is older and bigger...I don't even want to think about it! So please help, with any suggestions if you have or are dealing with this kind of thing.

 
chavela_carlita

Asked by chavela_carlita at 10:58 PM on May. 13, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 12 (887 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • BS! YOU NEED TO DO IT! Yes, a man 'telling him' is great!--but, what happens when that 'man' isn't around.? Set very very firm boundary with him. PLAN AHEAD! This is what I will do when Jhonny does this. DO IT!!! It will hurt, you will hurt, he will hurt you will cry, he will cry, then cry together. Do it again and again and again...then you won't ever have to do it again. You will have the most respectful young man in your neighborhood. Praise his good deeds IN FRONT OF HIM TO OTHERS!

    I know what you are going through! Believe me! Believe me, infact we were much worse! YOU and only YOU will aquire respect for YOU! Demand it! Get it! DO NOT ALLOW THIS! We need to talk you and I. :)
    malindasb

    Answer by malindasb at 11:57 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • Umm excuse me?? You don't spank and you don't yell... Honey, if someone said to me when I was his age, Honey, please don't do that.. I wouldn't have listened either. Either you gain control now, or he will walk all over you.. sounds like he already is. That's you issue... You created him. Now change him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:01 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • This is a matter for his dad to deal with. It's inappropriate for him to treat you that way and his dad needs to "put him in his place". For instance, when your son yells at you, his dad needs to get in his face immediately and say, "You don't speak to your mother like that...EVER!".

    Of course, if his dad isn't in the picture, he needs a male figure who will stand up for you in front of him. This person needs to be a man HE RESPECTS! This man needs to teach him what it means to be a man (treating women with respect and gentleness)
    timelessglass

    Answer by timelessglass at 11:03 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • Agree totally with timelessglass
    April0040

    Answer by April0040 at 11:09 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • My ten year old sometimes acts out. We have tried all that you described. We would get so frustrated that I would want to spank. But spanking didn't work he didn't care about it.
    One time I asked what he hated to do more than anything. He answered cleaning. So now when he acts out I give him an hour of cleaning to do. If he continues to act out or not do the work I give him another small job. I keep giving him jobs until he stops back talking and does the work. It has really taught him self control. He hates cleaning so much that he generally stops acting out after just a warning about having to clean.

    I don't know if it will work for your LO but it is worth a shot.
    Nathskitten

    Answer by Nathskitten at 11:50 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • Try more carrots. Find something he really likes and let his good polite behavior earn it. My son (6) earns weekend Xbox time in 10 minute increments for doing his own grooming, chores, homework and cleaning up after himself. He usually ends up with anywhere from 20 minutes to 1 1/2 hours. 


    When he gets really rude I get real rude back and then we have the "If your nice, I'm nice, if your mean, I'm mean" talk. His Dad also gets on him for disrespecting me. Don't know what I would do without him.


    One particularly bad week (whinning & rude mouthed ) I almost filled a jar with marbles to increase his accountability. The idea was every time he was rude he lost a marble. Then Saturday we'd go to the peter piper and he would get a token for each marble left in the jar. No marbles, No tokens.  Your guys older so it might work.

    Shesapeach

    Answer by Shesapeach at 11:56 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • The problem is that he does not respect your authority in his life. It's the first important lesson a parent must teach a child. We always start with ours when they are around 8 months old and start getting into things. We don't put things up. We teach them not to touch. We spank early and often to teach that they are to obey us. Once that fact is established, we seldom have to spank again, maybe every once in a while. Disobedience is dealt with immediately. There is no yelling. Your boy is old enough to understand that he is being defiant. I would sit him down and explain the new rules, in a word, instant obedience. You tell him once. If he does it, fine. If he doesn't, have him go immediately to his room, drop his pants, lie down across his bed, and you sting his butt with a flyswatter or whatever you choose to use. If you will do that consistently, you will see remarkable changes in his behavior.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:50 AM on May. 14, 2009

  • I do NOT agree that you need to have this situation handled by a male, father or not! He needs to learn to respect YOU! And you are going to have to be the one to make him, hopefully it is not too, too late. What I would do is find out what hurts him the most, be it a spanking, a punishment, whatever - and use that to make him listen and respect you. My son is only 6 but I will never have this problem because I made sure that he had fear of ME when he was younger and my DH is around all the time but I was not going to have to be one of those parents saying, waitl til I tell your father, just to get some respect in my house from my kids.

    But that's just me.
    LadyEb

    Answer by LadyEb at 1:17 PM on May. 14, 2009