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getting remarried, fathers legal rights??

My x husband an dI both gave up legal custody to my mom anout 4 years ago for personal reasons. Now I am getting custody back and also getting remarried. I want my daughter to have the same last name as I, and my man would like to legally adopt her.. Do I need to get the x to sign over parental rights, or just my mother??


Asked by Anonymous at 11:11 PM on May. 13, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Legal custody is not the same as a termination of parental rights. His rights would have to be terminated before your child can be adopted. Just because he doesn't have custody doesn't mean the father/child bond was legally severed. If you and him both did/signed the same thing when you placed your child with your mother and your rights aren't terminated, than neither are his. And if your rights have been terminated, than that would mean to get your daughter back would be adopting her yourself.

    Answer by MommyAddie at 5:00 AM on May. 14, 2009

  • If he already signed off all of his rights to your mother, I would think that he wouldn't have the ability to sign off again. I would verify that with a lawyer though.

    Answer by toriandgrace at 11:15 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • If he signed over his rights then you don't have to have his permission. You may have to show proof he signed over his rights befoore your new husband adopts the child.

    Answer by itsallabtthem84 at 11:17 PM on May. 13, 2009

  • I don't think anyone signed over their rights here, they just gave custody to your mom. You need to get a lawyer. You will have to get your mom to give the custody back to you and then your new husband will have to adopt her, after the ex's rights have been removed by a judge.

    Answer by heatherann0221 at 3:35 AM on May. 14, 2009

  • my oldest is 15. Her father gave up all rights to her years ago. For my husband to adopt her even after the ex gave up all rights we still had to notify him of the pending adoption and had to give him time to step forward and claim his rights. Get a lawyer.

    Answer by pagirl71 at 8:55 AM on May. 14, 2009

  • Poor kid. I would leave her with your mom. You and her father abandoned the poor girl now you come in uproot her life and make things confusing. If you can regain your rights he should be given a chance if he has changed. Contact him and see if he is interested if not then have him sign off on you allow you current person to adopt her. You need to make sure he is a great guy and you are ready. Your child cannot afford for you to change your mind about being a mommy again.

    So sad.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:38 AM on May. 14, 2009

  • I agree with the pp. I would leave her with the only woman she has truly known as a Mom in the past four years. I would worry a lot more about the negative psychological & emotional effects you are having on your DD by shuffling her around than about your own vanity & what others will think if you have a different last name. You abandon her & now you want to play house like a bis happy family? Listen to your priorities woman! You should be asking about how to rebuild the trust between Mother & daughter thqat you have inevitably eroded due to your actions. I sincerely hope the best rfor your daughter & pray that someone will step in and do the right thing for her.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:34 AM on May. 14, 2009

  • I have two boys that I have not seen in a little over five years. I tried to fight for them but my ex ended up being awarded custody. After years of us not being able to agree on visitation and me realizing that things were never going to improve, I have chosen to back off. It was a hard decision but I feel it was the right one. I couldn't continue putting my children through all the emotional turmoil let alone what it was doing to me. What I do know, is that they are being taken care of and they are loved and as much as I wish they were here, I will not disrupt their lives. It's not fair to the kids. You should really think about that and maybe just leave your daughter where she is. If your mom still lets you see her than continue to do so but don't disrupt the life she has grown to know, especially if she is doing well. It's not fair to her.

    Answer by CrystalJC73 at 10:41 AM on May. 16, 2009

  • How old is your daughter? Does she have a relationship with your fiance? I think that a move in general is a big change for a child. Maybe you should talk with the child if old enough to make sure changing her last name is what they want. Children all react different to change. I would just take it slow.

    Answer by goose23 at 5:30 PM on May. 16, 2009

  • In a response to all the bashing: I have always maintained a good relationship with my daughter. I gave up my custody because it was the best for her at the time, I had some past issues to take care of and would be going to jail for 3 months, and her dad (a homeless heroin addict after I left him) threatened to take her 1000 miles away. I felt it was better to protect her by giving my mom custody. We have agreed on a plan to ease into the transition over the summer, and to pay attention to her feelings and any issues she may have. She has a wonderful relationship with my man, and has been staying with us on weekends for the last 6 months. My DD knows her father and in her own words "he is weird and I don't like him very much." He has not changed, but has the oppertunity to see her when supervised when she visits his parents once a week. He rarely takes the chance. She absolutly adores my current man.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:17 PM on May. 30, 2009