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I'm the type whos doesnt take sh*t, deal with the situation & cry in the shower secretly! My husband is an a*shole to me. I know it, he knows it, my neighbors know it , EVEN OUR THERAPIST KNOWS IT! In a nutshell: Hes in the navy, Im a housewife with 2 toddlers. He cheated on me, and I took him back, then he treats me like sh*t. And I feel so stupid for taking him back 'cuz he told me he NEEDS to break me & my "spirit" to reshape me the way he wants, like they does in bootcamp! And for the first time i dont know what to do! I depend on my husband FOR EVERYTHING (even when i dont want to), & I have nothing to my name except for my kids. I live in Cali. & my family lives in Fl. And I cant travel w/2 kids from coast to coast... So when is enough is enough? How am I gonna get help with no support system?!?

Im just too young to be this tried & stressed out...

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:59 AM on May. 14, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Wow...that's a really tough situation. I was in that situation. I want you to know, that regardless of what you think your limitations are, there is help, and you CAN survive. I was married prior to this marriage, and my ex husband cheated on me the whole time we were married. My recommendation is to either go to a pastor or chaplain for counseling...not just for the situation, but they can help you to find an escape route. I know it sounds easier said than done, but like you, I had nothing. It took time but I eventually got a job and my own place and became happy. I had two toddlers was my stepson that I had raised from the hospital. I don't know if you believe in God, but he has made so many miracles happen...I'm talking physical miracles. A lady I barely even knew gave me $1000 because she said, "God laid it on my heart that you were in trouble." I will definitely pray for some answers for you.

    Answer by shantastic84 at 2:08 AM on May. 14, 2009

  • you should be able to take what they call SPACE-A flights, free flights in the military for dependants. Check out the local military base call the bases information and figure it out can report him to his chain of command and thet will mediate and help you get the care you need.

    Answer by Fallon_Long at 2:10 AM on May. 14, 2009

  • That's why I won't let my husband go in to the Navy, or Army, anything like that. For one, he morphs in to being like other guys around him. He's gullible..and two, lots of men get that hard ass mentality from being there. I do appreciate their services, and I do applaud the men that don't become chouvanistic d!ck faces though.

    There's lots of ways you can get assistance for food, an appartment based on salary, or family members can help you.


    Answer by Anonymous at 2:10 AM on May. 14, 2009

  • I honestly dont know what to tell you other than you need to get you and your kids out of the situation. If you cant pay for plane tickets maybe some of your family will help you. There are people at the airports that help people traveling with kids. I will hope a prey that you and your kids will find a way out!

    Answer by Amanda7891 at 2:17 AM on May. 14, 2009

  • Call your family. Get helop in getting out. But GET OUT.

    Even if it means you go to a shelter. OUT. NOW. Before you know it he'll be beating you. Better to WALK across country than to be beaten and possibly murdered.

    Enough was more than enough the VERY FIRST time you two split.

    You say you're Navy...if you're in San Diego, get to the St. Vincent de Paul Village. Father Joe's people will help you.

    Answer by gdiamante at 3:00 AM on May. 14, 2009

  • "That's why I won't let my husband go in to the Navy, or Army, anything like that. For one, he morphs in to being like other guys around him. He's gullible..and two, lots of men get that hard ass mentality from being there. I do appreciate their services, and I do applaud the men that don't become chouvanistic d!ck faces though."

    The ones inclined to become chauvinistic dick faces, as you put it, will do so no matter WHERE they work.

    Answer by gdiamante at 3:02 AM on May. 14, 2009

  • First, I've been either a Navy wife or AD Navy for just shy of 19 yrs now. I can honestly say, just like EVERY other walk of life, there are jerks and there are good guys. The uniform doesn't make them that way, and to say it does is just using it as an excuse.

    OP - You need to tell your therapist this! You need to get OUT of this situation! I would strongly strongly strongly suggest you go to the base Chaplain, and or to your Ombudsman and tell them about this - especially the part about "breaking your spirit" so he can "reshape you how he wants you".

    They should be able to help you, but, sadly, people don't always do their job the way they're supposed to. If you go to these people and they don't help you, please, pm me and I'll try to help you out as much as I can (I'm getting ready to transfer though, so it might be a day or two before I see it.)

    Hang in there, and do NOT give in to this, and know, there IS help!

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 4:07 AM on May. 14, 2009

  • agreed...the military doesnt make assholes...assholes are assholes. my husband is the best man in the world, and hes military. the dicks wind up in every work place.

    Answer by FoxyRoxyMommy at 8:16 AM on May. 14, 2009

  • My husband is in the Navy as well and recently I caught him before he cheated on me. I found personal ads of websites where he ws seeking women to sleep with. We went to counseling but I still can't forgive me for what he did. Even though he was attempting to cheat and claiming the whole "i'm Lonely" bit that ever military man claims when he cheats. My opinion once a cheater always a cheater. I should have gotten up and walked away too. Like you I'm far from home and have no where to go. I have a toddler and currently pregnant with our second which is due in the next few weeks. If he's treating you like shit i would just make the move and move to the other side of the country. I just need the strength to make the move as well....

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 1:59 PM on May. 14, 2009

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