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Need opinions on using my last name and not the fathers!

I am debating on using my last name vs the fathers last name. We are currently dating. I'm just so confused by this and don't know if it's wrong to use my last name and not the fathers. It's not because one name sounds better than the other. I think it is more because we're not married and never know what the future has in store.

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Shawna.Lynn

Asked by Shawna.Lynn at 11:34 AM on May. 14, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (16)
  • If i was only dateing the guy i would use my last name. My aunt did the same thing with all of her kids. She has been with the same guy for 20 years but never got married to him and she always uses her last name. But you might want to talk to him about it. He might feel kinda hurt if you dont want to use his name.
    Shelii

    Answer by Shelii at 11:36 AM on May. 14, 2009

  • I think that it depends on what you feel the most comfortable with. If you feel better giving your child your last name, then go for it.
    TheDiva320

    Answer by TheDiva320 at 11:38 AM on May. 14, 2009

  • I always think that if you are not in a serious committed relationship with the father of the child (which I don't consider serious) than you should ALWAYS use YOUR last name. I am engaged to my unborn baby's father and we are planning to get married in the Spring 2010, so I decided the baby can have his last name since we are planning to get married anyways. However until you start talking about marriage or even get engaged, I would just pick your last name. You can always change it later. It will avoid a whole mess of confusion and questions as to why his last name is different than yours.
    Ash9724

    Answer by Ash9724 at 11:38 AM on May. 14, 2009

  • if your just dating you should probably use your last name unless you plan to be married but even then its better because if the worst is to happpen and you split up you might have custody issues or if you want to leave the country for any reason youll need his permission and things like that.
    chukuku

    Answer by chukuku at 11:40 AM on May. 14, 2009

  • Hi
    At this time and age its very different. I m 56 yrs. old. This sort of thing was looked down on. Now, there are many couples who use their own names and the children carry their fathers. Butif he didnt give the children his name what is wrong with your?? You aren't married to him and he is not maried to you? You won't be the only one in this world to have this situation.
    luna53

    Answer by luna53 at 11:45 AM on May. 14, 2009

  • I thought I'd a little more..................

    He has a 4 yr old daughter who has his last name. I've already told him in the beginning that I wanted to use my last name and he didn't agree with it.

    I just don't know if the child will have problems growing up, going to school. Will people question why "it" has their mothers name and not their fathers name like a majority of children do?

    I don't doubt that he will never be in the childs life, even if we aren't together years later. I believe he will be a good father and always be there.
    Shawna.Lynn

    Answer by Shawna.Lynn at 11:48 AM on May. 14, 2009

  • What about both....
    I
    really wish that is what I did with my daughter...and I was married...now divorced.
    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 11:57 AM on May. 14, 2009

  • If you aren't married the baby should have your name. Or in the least have both names hyphenated with your name first. It's sad and confusing when a mother and child have different last names. Even worse when they have siblings with different last names.

    Chrissy629

    Answer by Chrissy629 at 12:03 PM on May. 14, 2009

  • I am married and expecting in September. We intend to give our son both our last names. I believe it is very important for a mother's name to be reflected in the identify of the child as the mother contributes as much or more to the child's well-being and sense of identity as the father.

    If I were not married, even if I was engaged, I would not use the father's name. Again, the primary parenting role is left to the mother, so why should the father forever stamp the child with his last name?

    Ultimately, it's about what you want for your child. If you think the child should have his father's last name, then do it. If you're more comfortable with you and the child having the same last name, then do that. Once the child gets old enough, he/she can petition the court for a change. But for now, do what is best for you and your kid.

    Busimommi

    Answer by Busimommi at 12:05 PM on May. 14, 2009

  • My first son's father is not in his life and has shown no desire to start so my son has my last name. My two youngest son's have their father's last name. He is a wonderful father to them and giving them his last name came naturally, I didn't even think about it. I don't think it's sad or confusing. It's up to you, whatever you are most comfortable with. Honestly, the issue of them having different last names has never come up, not in school, the Drs office, anywhere. My SO plans on adopting my oldest and I am going to let my son decide if he wants to use his last name or keep my name.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:28 PM on May. 14, 2009

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