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A Question for Birthmothers...

I wonder often as to how our birthmother feels..

Do you think about the child everyday..Does it hurt you everyday?

Do you regret your decision?

How would you feel if you knew that the couple you choice to adopt your baby, are now divorced?

And anything else you would like to ad.

Answer Question
 
Dannee

Asked by Dannee at 12:18 PM on May. 14, 2009 in Adoption

Level 12 (784 Credits)
Answers (18)
  • I want to start by saying I gave up my baby boy 21.7 years ago. Yes, I thought about him everyday and still think about him everyday. Just like losing someone special it hurts, but differently everyday. Still to this day I regret my decision. I did not know all my options back then. I did receive pictures for the first 3 years until I let them know I was marring his birthfather. The last picture I received was of him at 7 years old. If the adopted parents would have divorced I would have been devastated. My dh found birthson last year. Our other children do talk to their brother on-line. I was hoping for a closer relationship, maybe in time. In no way are we replacing his adopted family, he just extended his family. He refers to dh and I by 1st names, he considers his bio-brothers his brothers (which they are)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:36 PM on May. 14, 2009

  • I think about my child everyday. Yes, it hurts, everyday. I regret that I allowed myself to be forced to give him up. My parents made it very difficult. Teen pregnancy was a social and moral death back then. As mothers under 18 we had no rights, and if we did we would have been to scared to exercise them. All I hope is that my son grew up in a loving, happy home. In my heart I know the chances are small. I know I would have had a hard time raising him alone. It should have been MY choice though. I have not spoken to either of my parents since the day I graduated from high school. I left home, joined the Marines and never looked back.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:39 PM on May. 14, 2009

  • i didnt give up for adoption, for the reasons that you mentioned, op. i knew that we would wonder everyday if the baby we saw was ours, and that if we gave him up to have a normal teenage life, it would be something that haunted us forever. when i got pregnant, though, my dad asked me to think seriously abut it though.
    megan479

    Answer by megan479 at 1:14 PM on May. 14, 2009

  • Not a day goes by that I don't regret surrendering my Alicya (she was renamed of course). Her big sister and I think about her all the time. Had I know what the emotional toll would be on both me and the daughter I am raising, I would never have considered adoption. I should have fought tooth and nail to keep my little family together. The hurt never goes away and I hate it when people tell me I should be happy she is loved and adored. It doesn't work that way. Yes, she got a different life with them than she would have had with me, but it is not better than what I could have given her. And I wish people would understand that. She didn't get a "better life"...only a different one. And I hope like hell that she accepts me and her big sis as family when she is finally of age, or sooner if the a-parents don't freak out.

    I wonder every day about her.
    And the pain never goes away, only numbs a bit over time.
    randi1978

    Answer by randi1978 at 1:42 PM on May. 14, 2009

  • I see my twins when I want my older sister adopted them.

    I have no regrets she is a fantastic mom who lets me see them when I want. They call me auntie but know I was their birth mom.

    My sister was a single mom when she adopted them she works full time and takes excellent care of my two and the one she gave birth to. She is engaged and her husband will be adopting all three children. Her first husband died is why she was single.

    My kids are very happy and I thank God everyday my sister was there to help me and my kids when I knew I could not. I am now married and have three more children with one more on the way. My kids know the twins are their siblings. They all get along and don't really care. Family is family to them.

    I was raped when I was 13 years old. Giving birth to twins was traumatic enough. There was no way I could raise two babies when I was still a child. I am glad they are close still
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:51 PM on May. 14, 2009

  • I was just reunited with the daughter my dad and stepmom FORCED me to give up a year ago. Everyone told me it was for her to have a better life that I could not provide for her. She was taken from me at the age of 18 months old (not forcibly, but, TAKEN is the only appropriate terminology here). Only to find out the couple who adopted her were'nt really ready and gave her to foster care at the age of eleven. I've been in therapy for the last year.
    baparrot2

    Answer by baparrot2 at 3:09 PM on May. 14, 2009

  • Baparrot....
    that is crazy...I am so sorry for that...

    Please remember that there are adoptive parents out there that would
    NEVER do something like that ...
    I would take a bullet, run infront of a car for my baby...My love is endless...
    good luck to you...
    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 3:13 PM on May. 14, 2009

  • Yes I think about my son every day, yes it hurts every day. But, that has only been for the last 3 years since we reunited. It hurts a lot less now than it did at first, some days are worse than others.


    During his childhood I thought about him often, but not every day and It didn't hurt that much. I always wrote to him on his birthday and at Christmas and looked forward to receiving updates on him.


    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 3:19 PM on May. 14, 2009

  • Yes, I regret my decision, not so much for me because I really have had a good life with a wonderful husband, a great career, a lovely home and of course my twins who are great and don't give me any trouble. But, my son is really messed up.


    Another thing I deeply regret is this. It was really important to me that my son know that I didn't just give him away and never look back. That he knew that I never stopped loving him and that I still thought about him. What I didn't know was that his parents were not giving him my letters so he had a closed adoption experience. I think that had he known about me, it would have made all the difference. I didn't try hard enough to make sure that he knew. I assumed.

    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 3:20 PM on May. 14, 2009

  • I'm not sure how I'd feel if his parents had divorced. I can tell you this though, his parents have a great marriage, are best of friends and obviously love each other very much. That makes me feel really good because I think my son will try to model his own marriage on theirs. That would be a good thing.
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 3:22 PM on May. 14, 2009

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