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What are you rules w/computer use and location in your home and if you see something amiss, do you speak up?

My 14 yr old dd has locked us out of her computer, and has been dumping all her history files and AIM convos, complaining because we spoke up after finding her trying to watch a foul language youtube video (bfs fav!) and found a restricted sexually charged download file sent to her by another boy. Also, we've noticed how badly her bf speaks to her (whom we told her treats her poorly and she's not to see him outside of school). She doesn't talk about bf to her best gfriends; he fills her secret need to be accepted because she doesn't think enough of herself.When she first got the computer we said "total transparency", but we think she didn't think we looked at it. She set it up and is the administrator, but we are going to change that after she unlocks it.(or we'll take it away and "crack" the password) I feel it's a privelege, not a right, and tries to tell us other kids parents don't look at their computers.What do you think?

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Asked by dflygirl7 at 12:45 PM on May. 14, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Level 12 (751 Credits)
Answers (20)
  • I would go right to her room and take it away. I would set it up in a public place for school work only. I would set it up so she can not chat or send or receive email. Soon enough she will realize and hopefully earn your trust back. Good luck!!

    Answer by AnnHenderson at 12:48 PM on May. 14, 2009

  • I would look in my kids computer. i dont think my 14 year old would have their own computer. But im about to have my first in july. If she wont unlock the computer so you can monitor what she is doing on there then i would take it away and if she complains that she needs it to do homework or something like that then tell her you will take her to the library and she can do her work there.

    Answer by Shelii at 12:49 PM on May. 14, 2009

  • Take the computer away, add parental blocks and a password that only the parents know. You can put programs on the computer that send you an email with everything that she did, keystroke for keystroke.

    My son's computer is in a central place, I monitor what he does, and he knows to tell me when something makes him uncomfortable. I do report things that aren't ok. He is 13 and very responsible with the computer.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 1:06 PM on May. 14, 2009

  • If mine ever locked me out of the computer ...I'd unplug the thing and take it. The computer is in the living room and I can see the screen from the couch so I know what is going on. No one is aloud on it unless I use MY password to log in. So they can't even get on if I'm not here.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:35 PM on May. 14, 2009

  • I have to say the computer would be removed from her possesion. Mine is in the livivng room, I can see it but I never snoop, I don't have a reason to. But the minute they locked me out all bets would be off.

    As to the BF she's 14 it wouldn't happen in my house, she needs to be confident in herself not to mention mature enough and she clearly isn't.

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 6:34 PM on May. 14, 2009

  • The computer would be gone. My son had his own laptop until I caught him watching porn, he lost it that night for 6 months and then he was only allowed to use it in the livingroom under supervision.

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 12:10 AM on May. 15, 2009

  • Ah, my favorite topic... technology! I feel so strongly that parents who think they are controlling their kids trashy talk and pictures by talking away the computer or cell phone are so far off! When kids start with that, they do it via friends phones, connections, etc. or even verbally!! Deal with the kids and his behaviour (though I do agree with taking away phone and PC privileges as a punishment) - you need to talk to them, educate them about being responsible for what they read and say, what they see and show!

    I'm not into so much control over kids and normally wouldn't advocate looking in detail at their computers, phones, etc. I do see my kids blogs and FB pages, etc. and have asked them to remove texts/pictures that were too extreme. I have sometimes done a few spot checks early on, and never found issues, and I frequently discuss the rules/issues about internet behaviour.


    Answer by PhillyinFrance at 7:15 AM on May. 15, 2009

  • Unfortunately, you child has crossed the line. I would first take away all access, and explain that its a priviege and they will realize that when they don't have it for a few weeks. When they get it back, I'd limit the time and I absolutely would make sure I have full access to the PC - above all being able to administer it, etc. and at least for a while physically (and she shouldn't have a cell phone either).

    You know, you can use birthcontrol for real sex, but there is no equivalent for 'sexting' for which the affects can be equally disasterous. You really need to talk talk talk about it with your child:

    Here is an article written by a teen:
    And video about sexting that lead to suicide:


    Answer by PhillyinFrance at 7:21 AM on May. 15, 2009

  • if my kid locked her computer after i told her the only way she could have it is if i checked it...then i'd be taking it right away for sure...I wouldnt even bother with cracking the password...when my child can respect my rules maybe ill think about giving it back.

    Answer by starryeyez23 at 7:57 AM on May. 15, 2009

  • Wow. This sounds EXACTLY like the crap my nephew pulled with my sister recently. She sat him down and told him that for every hour he went not telling her the password for admin he was grounded a DAY. I think he lasted for 30 minutes. Computer use is most definitely a privilege and not a right and no way no how will my child be pulling that crap. (He is only 9 so right now he is not online much and when he is I am right next to him.) Good luck.

    Answer by KTMOM at 8:23 AM on May. 15, 2009

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