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I CAN I DEAL WITH A LOSS OF A CHILD

MY SON WAS MURDERED AUG.2007 I STILL FEEL LIKE IT WAS YESTERDAY I HAVE THREE MORE AT HOME BUT I CANT SEEM TO GET OUT THERE AND DO THINGS I FEEL LIKE IM LEAVING MY RREDZ OUT,I CRY EVERYDAY & NITE I HAVE TO BE AT HIS RESTING SITE EVERYDAY,I TALK TO OTHERS NOT TO HATE REEDZ MEMORIES BUT HELP ME BE AGAIN,I LOVE THEM JUST MUCH,BUT IS WRONG TO MOURN TILL NOW I REALLY MISS MY ANGEL WE WERE MORE THEN MOTHER AN SON WE WHERE BEST FRIENDS , HE WAS MY GUARD HE SHOWED ME HOW SPECIAL I WAS EVERYDAY.I LOV HIM SO MUCH I WISH I COULD BE WITH HIM. PLEASE HELP ME

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BABYREEDZ

Asked by BABYREEDZ at 1:18 PM on May. 14, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 1 (1 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • There is never a wrong way to grieve. Everyone does it differently. The presence of other children don't make the loss of one any less. I think perhaps you should seek out a victims support group in your area. A crisis like this takes a toll on the whole family. Your other children are dealing with their own loss plus worrying about their mother who has ceased to be able to engage with them. I can't imagine how you must feel but you must find healing.
    mrsfitz05

    Answer by mrsfitz05 at 1:24 PM on May. 14, 2009

  • I am so sorry. I dont know how anyone would deal with the loss of a child. My grandmother went through the same thing and she still struggles with it. She called me on mothersday because that is the day that he was killed and i tryed to make her feel better. I hope things start to look up for you. And dont worry about how long you morn. But as hard as it is you cant let that stop everything in your life. Your other kids need you to be strong. Once agian i am so so sorry for your loss. Ill keep both you and your son in my thoughts.
    Shelii

    Answer by Shelii at 1:24 PM on May. 14, 2009

  • there is nothing wrong with mourning the lose of a child. it is natural to miss your son every day. I am so sorry to hear about that. I don't know exactly what you are going through but I had a miscarriage at 20 weeks and never got to meet my child. I would recommend that you find a good grief counselor. go to the hospital and see if you can speak to a grief counselor. most hospital where they deliver babies have one. don't wish you can be with him, just remember that one day you will see him, but for now you have other children who love you and I am sure they miss having their Mom. and you are not yourself and probably will never be yourself again until you get some help. I am so so sorry you are having to go through this.. I believe your son is looking down on you and wishing you were happy again. Would he want you living your life this way or would he want you to be happy? Good Luck!!!
    2wndrfl_btrflys

    Answer by 2wndrfl_btrflys at 1:26 PM on May. 14, 2009

  • As a mother I could not even fathom being in your position. My advice for you would to keep his memory and include him in your everyday life but just in different ways. Maybe visit his resting spot alone 1-2 times a week, but while you are with your other kids just have a picture of him close to you. If you need more time to mourn maybe you should take 10-20 mins out of each of your day and think about him ar cry but after that time focus only on your other kids. This is very important because you want them to remeber their brother in a positive aspect, but if they see you break down like crazy they may start to feel resentment towards his memories. Then not only will yours and their relationship be strained but so will there memories of their brother. I really believe that God never gives you more than what you can handle, and that maybe God needed your son for other reasons. I am sorry about your Loss. God Bless.
    Mommy3b1g

    Answer by Mommy3b1g at 1:33 PM on May. 14, 2009

  • Oh my goodness I am so very sorry to hear that you have lost a child. I have not ever been in your shoes but I know one thing is that I would never stop crying, If Im not physically crying then my heart would be. Spend the time you have with your other children because some day you will be with that son of yours and Im sure he would want you to continue your life. He will always be there with you so make him happy and go on with life. Just because you continue your journey doesnt mean that you have forgotten about him by no means but It means that you love all your children and want and need to be there for them. Again I am so very sorry that you lost your son to ignorance. I cant even imagine, reading this has made me very sad but I know the reality of things and life isnt always fair. I honestly dont think I could ever be sane again if something like that happend cause as strong as we think we are when something like this
    LANDENSMOMMYlmk

    Answer by LANDENSMOMMYlmk at 2:06 PM on May. 14, 2009

  • happens we fall apart as if there was not a bone left in our body. We are human and its ok that you feel like this all happend just yesterday. The love for you son will never go away but like I stressed befor, try and be there for your others babys because they still need there mom and you need them.
    LANDENSMOMMYlmk

    Answer by LANDENSMOMMYlmk at 2:07 PM on May. 14, 2009

  • I cannot imagine this situation either, you are in my thoughts and prayers, it takes time, maybe join a grief support group? I have a friend that lost a son 10 years ago and she said it feels like yesterday too, so try to get some help for yourself for the sake of your other kids. This is my biggest fear in life, I feel for you so much! Call and ask the Red Cross where to find a grief support group. Seems like I saw that on one of their flyers somewhere.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:14 PM on May. 15, 2009

  • I can't imagine being in this position, and I am so sorry things are so hard. These things take a lot of time, and a LOT of support. Let yourself grieve however you want to grieve. Things will get better eventually. <3
    oh__you

    Answer by oh__you at 1:41 AM on May. 16, 2009

  • It's ok to grieve. I am so sorry for your loss. My suggestion is to begin thinking from his point of view. Your son wouldn't want you to be so unhappy. Begin thinking of the short time he was with you as a celebration of his life. Know in your heart that he is now in a better place. Slowly let go of the sadness, I know your son's wish would be for your happiness. I'm sending prayers to you.
    PrttyMstng

    Answer by PrttyMstng at 7:30 AM on May. 16, 2009

  • http://www.4therapy.com/consumer/about_therapy/item.php?uniqueid=7035&categoryid=401

    when our family went through some very very terrible losses we all took part in this and it helped us all amazingly well. I would encourage you to find someone in your area. In the mean time my heart goes out to you as do my prayers.
    mamakirs

    Answer by mamakirs at 10:45 AM on May. 16, 2009

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