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need advice...(long)

So my husband and I both used to smoke b4 I got pregnant. I quit, and have been smoke free for over a year now. My husband has been trying to quit since I did, but can't seem to do it. Along the way he has also lied to me about it, saying he wasn't smoking when he was. This really upset me and he promised to tell me from now on. Well he "quit" april 6th. He was using the gum, but I noticed not much gum was actually being used. I asked him everyday if he was smoking and he swore up and down he wasnt. Well last nite he worked late, and I got up when he got home. I gave him a kiss and it smelled like smoke. He said he had been outside around it. So I smelled his hand, which also smelled like smoke. He promised he didn't smoke, then he finally confessed after I told him he was lying. I don't know what to do. I have been in horrible dishonest relationships b4 and he knows how I feel about lying. How can I trust him if he does this?

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:48 PM on May. 14, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (4)
  • I'm not a fan of lying either but you might need to let this one go. My DH chews tobacco & has since he was 12 years old. He has tried to quit but has only been successful for a few months at a time. For a while, he tried to hide it from me. After I discovered he was doing it again, we had a long talk. Basically, I told him that if chewing was something he needed to do, then he could do it. I just did not want to see it. And more than that, I didn't want him to lie to me. I still hate it & wish he would quit because I know it is horrible for him & it really takes a tole on his teeth & gums. But I would rather he chew & be honest than lie to me. That was my choice & you might make a different one but I did want to share my story with you. All the best.

    Answer by funnyface1204 at 1:53 PM on May. 14, 2009

  • Explain to him that while he believes that lying about smoking isn't a big deal,It will make you start to wonder what else he is/will lie about.... Maybe that will make him understand also re-iterate how much it hurts you that he lies to you...

    Answer by heather.darin at 2:04 PM on May. 14, 2009

  • I understand what your thing here "if he lies to me over something this stupid then why wouldnt he lie to me about other things" right, because I too think that SAME exact way, so I would confront him about the lying ONLY, I am sure you know how hard it is to quit smoking, I quit both times I was pregnant but started back up shortly again afterwards, its hard probably one of the hardest addictions a person can have, so I really do think you should just leave it be when he is REALLY ready to quit smoking then he will, but definately confront him on lying to you, and tell him why lying is such a big deal to you also.

    Answer by hautemama83 at 2:14 PM on May. 14, 2009

  • i partually agree with hautemama83 you should tlk to him first and for most about his lying, but i think that smoking is something that shouldn't be started or contnued, it's very grouse to me. but then again i never started, and i want my husband to quit too. i remind him every chance i get and i remind him, that smelling or smoking around my son, is not at all allowed. we hope to have him quit by the time the baby is born, but if not, is time with his son, will be very short, with teh way he smokes wheni am being head strong. my husband just needs a little help, but he has the well to quit, i understand it is hard to stop but we are still going to try. i suggest you talk to him about lying and extend some reminds of him quitting only if it's what he wants too.

    Answer by sherlockhlm at 2:33 PM on May. 14, 2009

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