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Question for Adoptees

My DD will be 5 in June...but I already worry about this..



Did kids make fun of you in school because they knew you were adopted..??



My heart already hurts because I know children can be cruel and I am dreading the day my baby comes home and says So and So said you are not my "real" mommy.



How did you handle that and how can I prepare myself to help my daughter..



Thanks in adance

 
Dannee

Asked by Dannee at 3:36 PM on May. 14, 2009 in Adoption

Level 12 (784 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • I had people ask me why I didn't look like my Mommy, and I was shy and scared to tell them I was adopted until about 6th/7th grade.
    I am completely open about it now, but when I was younger I did not see it as an important thing.


    Kids can be very mean. Some of my "best" friends back then who aren't my friends at all anymore didn't believe me when i told them. Because i was so shy, i waited to tell people, i was scared of what they'd say because i was made fun of just just about everything else.
    It hurts a lot when your friends dont believe you.

    But really, a REAL mother is a mommy who raises her child, whether the child came out of you or not.
    My mother, who adopted me, isn't my BIOLOGICAL mother, but she is my REAL mother.
    CamiiiCompasion

    Answer by CamiiiCompasion at 6:10 AM on May. 21, 2009

  • well I was around 5-6 when my mom and dad told me they weren't my biological parents. the first thing they said to me to start off the conversation was, "Do you know what it means to be adopted?" they explained to me that being adopted is something special that happens when a mother cannot take care of her baby herself for what ever reason. It took me a while to understand. My mom said that she took almost an hour talking to me about my adoption. I am 25 years old now and I have met my real Mom. but I don't call her mom yet. I am still not to that point. I was made fun of a lot because I was adopted but I already knew I was adopted when the bullying started. I think I was in the 6th grade when it started. My Mom always told me that when someone bullies someone else it is because they are jealous or just plain mean. I was always told to just ignore them and just to keep in mind that I have 2 parents that love me no matter what.
    2wndrfl_btrflys

    Answer by 2wndrfl_btrflys at 3:45 PM on May. 14, 2009

  • I was adopted at 15 months old and have always known that I was adopted. I only remember being "picked on" a couple times. The first time I said something to my mom about it, and she said that all that means is she got to pick me out and that made me special. AFter that, any time a kid would say something to me about in a negative way (which was rare) I simply told them what my mom had told me. That usually shut them up pretty quick. BUt honestly, in my experience, most of the times were just curious, not mean.
    abbynzachsmommy

    Answer by abbynzachsmommy at 3:54 PM on May. 14, 2009

  • All About Keeley, I agree with your post above. There are so many different kinds of families today with stepfamilies and children being raised by grandparents. I read that less than 50% of children today live with both biological parents. I worry about that too, but I'm trying to do what I can now to see adoption as a normal thing. I know it will be hard the first time one of them tells me that someone made fun of them for having been adopted.
    Iamgr8teful

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 9:32 PM on May. 14, 2009

  • I was going to answer this one but the truth is i can't. I adopted my son Jaden and he is now 8 he has never been bullied, he doesn't know he is adopted, he understands he hasn't always lived with us but he thinks were his real parents because he hasn't known any different, and we're still debating on wheather to tell him.
    Mummytomore

    Answer by Mummytomore at 2:38 PM on May. 15, 2009

  • Unfortunately children's peers can be cruel and many go through a stage where they like to find "differences" and point them out to make themselves feel bigger, and make the other child feel smaller.

    So adoption is one of those things that an adoptee has in addition to perhaps having a really funny last name (as I did), and having wild red hair (as I did), and being a typical scrawny girl.

    As parents we have to prepare our children for all sorts of unpleasant experiences in the world. Yes, sometimes children are cruel about an adoptee's status but people pointing out the fact can be a great opportunity to explore how your child is really feeling about how they came to be in your family and what (if any) feelings they may have about their birth family.

    PortAngeles1969

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 3:13 PM on May. 15, 2009

  • Not being equipped to talk about how adoption created your family and how it impacts a child is more harmful in the long run. It may seem like adoption shouldn't matter and therefore doesn't need to be spoken about or acknowledged but, this is a dangerous way to address what the reality is for your family and child.

    Leaving the conversation to a later age (when a child can understand) can also convey the unintended message that there is something shameful or wrong in being adopted. Older children understand that most times things that are kept secret are bad things, not good things.

    Almost all the research and literature pertaining to adoption advocates for creating an atmosphere where the child hears the word adoption from an early age and grows in their understanding of what their adoption means throughout the years.
    PortAngeles1969

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 3:16 PM on May. 15, 2009

  • i have always known i was adopted even though it happened when i was 7 weeks old. i never had any trouble with the kids in school. they dont really care as long as your a fun person and as long as you yourself dont make a big deal about it. when teachers and doctors asked about my parents for medical reasons or something like that, i had a problem. i didnt know anything about my birth parents. when i got pregnant, i couldnt tell the nurses what health conditions run in my family. im clueless! i did get really mad at my mom one time when i was younger and tell her she wasnt my real mom but ya know that is true. legally she IS my mom but biologically she isnt. my grandma thinks its an insult that i want to find my birth parents. but you have to understand, your daughter might want to find hers, too. its a closure thing. when your adopted, you dont know who you look like, where you got your traits from, really nothing. its hard.
    kelsey.evans08

    Answer by kelsey.evans08 at 6:47 PM on May. 15, 2009

  • I was adopted as an infant. I don't remember anyone ever making fun of me for being adopted. I do remember people asking about my "real mom." I would always say that my adoptive parents were my real parents.
    AlyKen

    Answer by AlyKen at 9:08 PM on May. 15, 2009

  • Yes I got made fun of. I got teased constantly. I got so sick of hearing "Your real mom must be dead." She wasnt. And when I said I knew she wasnt they said "Well why dont you live with her then?" What is a kid to say to that? Other then cry, I had nothing to say that was good enough to stop the taunting. And i dont care if it happened 20+ yrs ago or not, kids are still cruel today as they were then. Bullies still exsist and sometimes what they do is even worse then what they did yrs ago.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:29 PM on May. 16, 2009

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