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Does anyone still have contact/relationship with someone that molested you?

My step-father touched me inappropriately a few times growing up, but besides those few times he was a great dad, so I still have a relationship with him. However ever since becoming a mother it just doesn't sit well with me. I can't imagine not having him in my life, and I don't EVER plan on her being alone with him, but I don't know if she will judge me when she's older...I just don't know what to do.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:32 PM on May. 14, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • A great dad doesn't touch you that way.You're not being true to yourself if you continue to have a relationship with him.You need to take a real look at why you're now thinking about what your daughter will say.How do you plan on telling her why she can't be with Grandpa?
    TMJ121099

    Answer by TMJ121099 at 4:36 PM on May. 14, 2009

  • OP here: Thanks...I just really don't know what I would say when she gets older. My family is somewhat close so the idea of not seeing him seems almost impossible. I don't know whether to have a relationship with him, but kinda from a distance. I just don't know how to handle this...ugh! Thanks again...it definitely gives me something to think about.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:47 PM on May. 14, 2009

  • i know he may be your stepfather but really do you want your child to have a relationship with him knowing that if they are ever left alone he may do the same to her? sorry but it's true. good luck!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:14 PM on May. 14, 2009

  • My uncle molested me when I was little. He lives with my grandma so I do see him when I visit her. Luckily, my grandma loves to travel so she usually visits me with my mom. I did invite him to my wedding and do see him occasionally during the holidays, but mostly I am just polite to him. My child will NEVER be alone with him and we don't see him often enough - probably not even once a year, to make it possible for our child to have any sort of relationship with him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:28 PM on May. 14, 2009

  • I feel like I am reading my life in your question. I have to be cool about everything because my mom needs everything to be the same financially. Although I don't think I would be the same if it were one of my daughters.
    Staying with them is so stressfull because I have to constantly be aware of my daughters clothing, what room they are in and if they ever get alone with him I have get them away with out causing a scene. It is so unfair.
    promom

    Answer by promom at 7:58 PM on May. 14, 2009

  • your letting it go way too much.
    he needs to be written outof your life period....he did it toyou, he'll do it to her...and he probably does it to other girls. your setting a weak example for your daughter
    moki1984

    Answer by moki1984 at 8:00 PM on May. 14, 2009

  • OP: I'm sorry you went through something similar promom. I too am always aware of what she is wearing, as I also do with myself. I agree that it's SO unfair! I know life is unfair, but I just wish there weren't so many perverts out there!

    To moki1984: I wish it was as easy as just writing him out of my life. Maybe if my mother and him weren't together it would be easier, but she is still with him. I very much want her in my life, but I don't see how I can have her in my life without him in it too.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:48 PM on May. 14, 2009

  • My stepdad touched me inappropriately too. I think I was like ten. When I told my mom she didn't believe me. She put me in a shelter for a couple of years. WOW!! UH? When I came back home he was stil there. It was crazy. So I just kept myself busy and around people.
    To this day my sister still communciates with him. She even calls him "dad". Go figure. Me on the other hand I don't want nothing to do with him.
    The whole experience taught me a valuable lesson, though. 1. Always do your homework when it comes to dating men. I say that because right before my mom met him he just got out of jail for raping his son's sister.
    It took me some years to get myselt together.
    As for you being around him, I would have to say NO. He violated you. Write him off!!
    Good Luck.!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:14 PM on May. 14, 2009

  • OP here: I'm so sorry you went through that Anon :(

    Thanks for the advice.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:34 PM on May. 15, 2009

  • I was molested by a cousin and I have nothing to do with him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:08 PM on May. 15, 2009

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