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Do you stereotype adoptive mothers or anyone who chooses adoption? Do you judge them before you know them?

I sometimes receive emails regarding my desire to adopt, some feel that I should get a surrogate others feel that I should foster and some feel that being open to race is wrong.

About Me:
1. Open adoption does not scare me- I have no problems with visits, pictures, emails, photos, I think it is wonderful and the least I can do in return for what she has given me.
2. I want my child to have a relationship with his or her siblings if any
3. I am open to race, gender
4. I will tell my child they are adopted and that they have 2 mothers ( unless my forevermom wishes me not too)
5. My child will never be called adopted, My child is my child and will be treated as such!
6. I hate the term birthmom, first mom. They are more than that ( to me)
7. I want to have a relationship, a bond with my forever mom
8. I had a childhood friend who is a forever mom and was with her through the entire process an she has a bond with the parents

Answer Question

Asked by dngoodwin73 at 5:22 PM on May. 14, 2009 in Adoption

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • No I don't. I am sure that you have your reasons and it is your life and you have to live it. You make the best decision for you and your family based on what is best for all of you. Don't worry about others and what they think, people are always going to pass judgment on things they don't understand or aren't in line with their philosophies.


    Answer by 2-1CavWife at 5:26 PM on May. 14, 2009

  • obviously , my answer is no. :) A)unfortunately, if your children all look COMPLETELY diffrent, you do have to use the word ADOPTED even if you dont want to.. :) it isnt that bad. We embrace it in our family.. :) B)Not all Birthmoms want an ongoing relationship and C)to explain their signifigance you HAVE TO use the term Birthmom sometimes. D)there will be / are cases where OPEN adoption is not even an option and in itself -closed adoptions- should not be looked down upon either.

    Answer by lovinallofthem at 6:02 PM on May. 14, 2009

  • LOVINALLOFTHEM: I see your point and respect it of course! :) My statement regarding open adoption is for people they think that adoptive parents either don't want or refuge or never consider OPEN adoption. I have a interracial family ( caucasian, puerto rican, native american and african american), I just don't want to use the term adopted when I will be describing my children they are my children and that's it! No matter how different we may look. Forever mom just sounds better to me.

    Answer by dngoodwin73 at 6:46 PM on May. 14, 2009

  • As an adoptive mom, I obviously don't have an issue! :-)

    I hate to burst your bubble, but you will run into people that are very ignorant when it comes to adoption and will make snide/rude/nasty comments to you for having a multi-cultural/ multi-racial family...regardless of the fact that your family is already that way. I also feel like my daughter is just my daughter...she is adopted from China and we are CA.
    Also, you have to understand that it's not about you and how you classify your child's beginnings. That child will have to come to terms with how he/she feels about being adopted and how he/she refers to their other mother. In adoption, a forever mom is the adoptive mother- the mom that has the child in her arms forever...that is why the other mom is referred to as first mom or birth mom.. I prefer first mom, but that's just me...

    Answer by mcginnisc at 7:33 PM on May. 14, 2009

  • As an Amom, the answer to your questions is "no". Just form your family the way you think is best. You should use whatever titles for everyone that you and everyone involved feel the most comfortable with. We don't all use the same titles. We were open to any race, too, but got chosen both times by women of the same race. This is your family, not somebody else's, so don't let anyone else tell you what you should do.

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 11:20 PM on May. 14, 2009

  • As a parent who is a parent b/c of adoption I think it is your choice. I do think race matters. I say that as a parent to a child of a different ethnicity. I think it is important to consider how you can raise a child to be proud of their race, culture, ethnicity, and assist with racial identity development. It is not an easy thing. I don't judge any parent for who they adopt, international/foster/domestic...race, is a personal choice. I only caution friends interested in adoption to think carefully about their strengths and to also think about their limitations.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:27 PM on May. 14, 2009

  • Well, I must admit I DO stereotype and judge people who wish to adopt.

    I think they are probably some of the most loving, caring, wonderful people that God put on this planet. Taking care of "your own" children is a very hard and demanding job. Having somebody take somebody elses child(ren), and not only care for them, but truly make them THEIR OWN, is an amazing and commendable thing.

    Go adoptive parents!!!

    Answer by almostcrazee at 8:39 AM on May. 15, 2009

  • I feel exactly the same, my oldest Jaden is adopted and i love him more than anything in this world alog with my other children, he was a blessing to our family. His mother want's nothing to do with him and his father passed away, one day i think (haven't decided yet) that i will tell him he was adopted because i want him tok know about his real dad because he loved Jaden so much and it breaks my heart to know he can't be with him. But i think adopting is a wonderful thing.

    Answer by Mummytomore at 2:33 PM on May. 15, 2009

  • No one can make a decision for you, and only God should judge others. If it is in your heart to be open to any race, then it is a good decision for you. I do think there is a lot of judging in adoption, both judging those who chose to adopt and those who place. Don't worry about what others think, do what is best for the child always; that is who really matters in adoption. Best of luck to you.

    Answer by Bryn1020 at 2:23 PM on May. 16, 2009

  • As someone who has been waiting almost 2 years to adopt, I know that adoptive parents really, really want children to go through the difficult home study process & make many sacrifices in order to save money to pay for adoptions that are usually very expensive.

    Answer by MB80sGirl at 7:24 PM on May. 19, 2009

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