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What is your reaction.... (Moms with older kids)

When someone with little ones, or even worse, expecting their first, tries to judge you for a "questionable" decision you make for your kids? I usually don't mind if someone judges based on experience, but you never know til you've been there, right? I hate to admit, it bothers me and I have to make an effort not to lash out. I know, it's a public forum, but that doesn't mean you have to answer, especially if you have NO knowledge in the subject.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:34 PM on May. 14, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • I usually just smile and say I thought I knew it all before I had kids too but now I know I don't. Or you can say I appreciate your concern but I have to make a decision based on my experience when you get to this point in your life as a mom you will understand.
    Lyndall

    Answer by Lyndall at 11:02 PM on May. 14, 2009

  • True. It's that some new moms do everything by the book and don't understand that reality is a whole other thing. Experience definatley helps. If you don't know, you shouldn't be commenting.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 9:39 PM on May. 14, 2009

  • The idealism of youth. I have young children, but I'm an older mom who knows that the world is not black and white. Try not to let those who don't know you affect you, it's your life and you have to do what is right for you and your family.  And it's been my experience that those who judge harshly end up eating crow later on down the road...

    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 10:01 PM on May. 14, 2009

  • I have a 16 year old, so if I have a question and a young mom is trying to give advice from a younger/teen point of view I consider it. If someone with a months old baby is judging/attacking my decision I try to remember that I too was a better mother BEFORE I had my son who has always been one of those kids who I used to see and say "My kid will NEVER..." and try to let it go.If it is a really off the wall attack I will say something back to her.
    goaliemom93

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 10:04 PM on May. 14, 2009

  • I try to take everything with a grain of salt. If someone has been there and done that and had a good experience doing it in a different way then I consider it. My SO's mom has tried to give us advice on doing certain things but what she doesn't seem to remember is that my DD is not her son. They are different people and react to things differently.
    coala

    Answer by coala at 10:52 PM on May. 14, 2009

  • I've gotten unsolicited "advice" from someone about everything to my marriage to my children. This person is not married and has no kids, so she isn't my go to person about those things. If she meant well, it'd be one thing. She does it in a condescending way so I laugh at her and go on about my business. Never have run into that situation on CM.
    kbates1208

    Answer by kbates1208 at 11:39 PM on May. 14, 2009

  • I don't have an older child but I agree with you. I remember all the wonderful parenting ideas I had, the gentle loving methods I was going to stick to, I remember wondering how on earth anyone could NOT use them. Then my daughter arrived. It took awhile to knock the silliness out of my head and to force me to realize that ALL children are different, ALL families are different, ALL parents have different tolerances and temperments.
    Do I read the questions for older kids than my own? Yes. I want to see what's coming up, to get some ideas of things to try when we get there. And sometimes I come across something I do know about and can offer some help... not often though.
    kaycee14

    Answer by kaycee14 at 12:11 AM on May. 15, 2009

  • I get that, but I get that from my SIL and BIL who don't have any children. Like the other day my 10 DD was watching Family Guy (which I don't approve of and won't watch) but her dad and 14 year old brother were watching it. My sister doesn't get it that it isn't as easy to separate your kids activites after a certain age. When I was a kid, those shows were on later at night so you could send little ones to bed, first. But with cable those things are on all day long. Yes, we have Parental blocks but those don't always work well and my DH is allowed to watch whatever he wants LOL. For DS, my DH says that while it can be crude, they do deal with a lot of subjects that our son might be confronted with and it allows us to impart our values on those subjects. (Not that he actively does that, but its his defense! )
    Lesli

    Answer by Lesli at 12:23 AM on May. 15, 2009

  • First, why do you care about what a complete stranger thinks.
    Since the day we started telling people that I was pregnant, we were bombarded with unasked for and unwanted advice. I learned to mostly ignore this, though occasionally I have to respond. "Thank you for letting us know that we should have another baby, will you please explain to us how that works?"
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 10:22 AM on May. 15, 2009

  • I would never say that young first time moms or moms with young kids don't ever have good advice or a good new idea. I think we all have something to learn from each person we meet. Having said that, I have been a mom since 1986 and I have 5 kids. So I would go so far as to say I have some experience when it comes to raising kids. My oldest is 23 and my youngest is 2. Most of my friends are just now having children because I started when I was 19. They tend to come to me for advice more than anything. I give personal experiences, but I always follow that up with "your his mom, do whats best for you" We all think our way is best, some are just more rude about it. If thats the case then I say well when you have 23 yrs experience let me know.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 12:36 PM on May. 15, 2009

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