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what scare me about a divorce is to think that I can share costudy and MY kids can have a stepmother and she just treat my kids badly.

that is my biggest nightmare!!!! I am the only one thinking this???/

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:51 PM on May. 14, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Getting a divorce is a serious deal and there are plenty of fears and anxieties that can arise. It is important to think about what is bothering you and talk with someone about it. Your children are undoubtedly your life and you as a mother want to protect them. If you feel that they could be in harms way than make sure you mention that, but make sure you have valid fears and that you aren't being irrational because of the stress. It's important for you and your soon to be ex husband to discuss the values that you want to instill in your children and work together to raise them and set good examples. This may not be easy but you should extend yourself to your ex to discuss the RULES and EXPECTATIONS that you have and listen to his as well. GOOD LUCK!
    momofkearra

    Answer by momofkearra at 11:56 PM on May. 14, 2009

  • Those are things that get worked out day to day. Don't let "what if: stop you from what you need to do or you'll be paralyzed.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:41 AM on May. 15, 2009

  • im a bm and sm me being a sm is just this i love my sd's as my own and would protect them with my own life all my kids come first i am always last. lol. i do disaplin them as my own ie groundation or no snack type thing. i dont beat i dont talk down to and we dont talk bad about bm there mom and me are friends ( not coffee buddies but we can talk and chit chat even my son calls her auntie ) i will say it works out better for adults and kids to see everyone gets along and its a group thing. i will save a seat at a kids concert for her if i get there first as she does for me. i would just let x know dont be with a women who cant deal with our kids just remember not all sm are monsters or stepfather as my dh loves my dd as his own. good luck and i hope for the best for you. ohh and sm arnt out to take your kids i know they have a mom and thats great as long as she takes care of them. ( there are some bio moms that dont ) some.
    tabbys4

    Answer by tabbys4 at 3:49 AM on May. 15, 2009

  • You don't have to get divorced. You can just be legally separated. Still share custody. But never worry about anyone ever thinking they can have anything to say about YOUR child. Most females when they become the fathers new wife think they need to be a mother to the children. When children already have a mother.
    Chrissy629

    Answer by Chrissy629 at 6:43 AM on May. 15, 2009

  • There are also stepmothers like myself that love their stepchildren. Love them just like their own.
    I love my DH and they come with him.
    You have to learn to let go, you can not control what happens with your X.
    Keep the communication open and everything can run more smoothly.
    Your children need their father...it is that simple.

    Quoting Chrissy629

    Most females when they become the fathers new wife think they need to be a mother to the children. When children already have a mother.

    Most good stepmothers are a MOTHER to their stepkids and sometimes a BETTER mother than the one they ALREADY have.
    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 8:52 AM on May. 15, 2009

  • wow just so you know not all step parents are Disney Villians. Some love their step kids as much as their own kids and are actually better parents than the birth ones.
    pagirl71

    Answer by pagirl71 at 9:02 AM on May. 15, 2009

  • The Two Answers Above Mine Are Exactly Why Even The Nicest StepMother Is Seen As Evil. YOU ARE NOT THEIR MOTHER!!!!!! Stop Trying To Be One. It Doesnt Matter If You Love Them. Or If You Think You Could Be A Better Mother To Them. You Are Not. Stay Out Of Private Family Issues And Deal With Your Own.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:26 PM on May. 15, 2009

  • anon 1:26
    get off your lame horse..
    you are threatned, jealous and probably one of those BM's that us SM can't stomach..
    We married their father so there for we are a
    MOTHER figure and guess what my husbands FAMILY ISSUES are MY ISSUES too..
    because unlike his first marriage we are a TEAM and work together..
    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 2:59 PM on May. 15, 2009

  • As smom and BM I have to tell you that your fears are irrational and ungrounded. If you get a divorce someday, you will probably end up sharing legal custody with your ex. He may or may not bring a smom into the picture. If he does, it is in your best interest to calm down a little and realise not all step mothers are beasts. I like my SS most of the time, and I have good boundaries and know I am not his mom. But our BM is like the PP who posted this bit of drivel:

    "The Two Answers Above Mine Are Exactly Why Even The Nicest StepMother Is Seen As Evil. YOU ARE NOT THEIR MOTHER!!!!!! Stop Trying To Be One. It Doesnt Matter If You Love Them. Or If You Think You Could Be A Better Mother To Them. You Are Not. Stay Out Of Private Family Issues And Deal With Your Own. "

    Just really charming and a genuine sweetheart. Always screaming and being a beeotch. Hmmm the previous poster has real issues to work on.
    lilangilyn

    Answer by lilangilyn at 6:37 PM on May. 18, 2009

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