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am i being selfish???

i atke care of my daughter ALONE... ALL ALONE! i know my fam would never let my child be in need... but i just refuse to ask for help from any1 whn her father just runs the streets doin god knows wht.
ok, so i jus movedin DEC and im paying all the, childcare,food, carfare, i buy the clothes... EVERYTHING. he comes through 1nc in a while but that is just not enough. i told this guy b4 may came n that i needed him to pay the daycare this mon. (168$) if i had it i wouldnt be askin. this is the 3rd week of the mon and he hasnt made a payment yet. we had this fall out the other about him not stepping up
and whn he got paid today he spent his check on his mother for her bday. understable shes ur mom, but my poor baby needs to be in daycare n i honestly dont have the $ this time. does any1 but me see a problem with this dude???
im sooo sick with him rite now :'(

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StarrCooKie

Asked by StarrCooKie at 1:34 AM on May. 15, 2009 in Just for Fun

Level 3 (23 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • I see a problem with you and how you are reacting to the situation. Yes it is completely selfish to not ask for help and accept it when you are in need. Absolutely your baby's father is a loser, but this is not about him. WASH YOUR HANDS OF HIM... he is no good, you can't get what you want or need from him. It is time that you step up and take control of your and your baby's life. I know it isn't easy to accept help and certaintly asking for it can suck, but you need it right now. Find out about goverment assistance for daycare as well. They often will pay a small amount for someone to watch your child in your home or a licensed daycare facility where your baby will be in good hands. Good luck and I am proud of you for wanting to support yourself and do what's best for your child!
    momofkearra

    Answer by momofkearra at 1:39 AM on May. 15, 2009

  • In all honesty, if my DD father wasn't around for her or for me, i would tell him to move on. You don't want him making false promises to your her, and having her be hrut in the end. He either wants to be her Dad, or he doesn't. And as far as the money goes, that depends on what you do with him. I would just ask your parents, or a sibling if you have any, and just tell them it is a one time thing, and it won't happen again. But your child's father either needs to step up or move on, and you need to make that clear to him. Who knows maybe a kick in the butt might be exactly what he needs.
    LunarEclipse

    Answer by LunarEclipse at 1:43 AM on May. 15, 2009

  • I am going through child support court for my 10 year old son. I have vowed that I will fight for my only child and use any means necessary to make this man pay for a child we made out of "love". I don't care if he runs, hides, lies, I WILL show the court that he is hiding income and assets! I am pissed and on a quest. lol
    Gigi1969

    Answer by Gigi1969 at 1:52 AM on May. 15, 2009

  • momo, understand that... i will ask for help whn necessary. i knw my fam will help as best they can. but my point is i shouldnt hve 2 turn to any1 whn hes able. my questions is, do you think that me saying he should hav taken care of the childcare fee b4 his bday celebration is being selfish. and i do get assistance w/ daycare thats why its only 168.
    StarrCooKie

    Answer by StarrCooKie at 2:07 AM on May. 15, 2009

  • Gigi made a good point, go through the court to get child support from him. They can take it right out of his check. I would also be done with him. If I were you, I would get state assistance anywhere I could, I would get into school, and I would work on getting a career so that I could support my child for the rest of her life, without any of that assistance in the long run. Good luck.
    toriandgrace

    Answer by toriandgrace at 2:09 AM on May. 15, 2009

  • lunar... i agree w/ EVERYTHING u said. and i make that point to him all the time. i would much rather him not be around thn b around wh he wants to. but cant just take my baby away, i thnk that would hurt her more than anything. im just sick of him thinking its ok bcause im ok. that doesnt mean he shouldnt try. but he thinks because he can come over with a pair of sneakers evry few month that hes helping out. Please .... im ten min away from sayin keep your sneakers and keep your distance too
    StarrCooKie

    Answer by StarrCooKie at 2:11 AM on May. 15, 2009

  • No, expecting him to take care of his child's needs before he spends money on gifts for others is not selfish.
    toriandgrace

    Answer by toriandgrace at 2:11 AM on May. 15, 2009

  • i just wanted to make sure it wasnst just me
    StarrCooKie

    Answer by StarrCooKie at 2:17 AM on May. 15, 2009

  • Absolutely if this man don't want to assist w/basic needs for a child that is his & obviously he is not concerned about you or your child I would swallow my pride & ask for the help I needed to take proper care of my child, that means ( family/friends/government assistance programs/etc ). Once you apply for assistance the government will go after him for child support & take it out of his checks plus assist you in paying for daycare @ a public daycare facility or pay a family member or friend for you. He sounds like a deadbeat jerk & I would not be concerned about him...just keep being a good mother & doing whats best for your child.
    whispers2005

    Answer by whispers2005 at 2:39 AM on May. 15, 2009

  • As far as his mother....That's not selfish of you to be a little agitated because his mama is a grown woman! She should understand that he has responsibilities & encourage him to step up to the plate rather than accept gifts for herself....not saying she is a bad person but that's my opinion, im sure she knows he is not doing what he should for his child. reminds me of my MIL....
    whispers2005

    Answer by whispers2005 at 2:45 AM on May. 15, 2009

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