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My soon to be 18 year old daughter put a lock on her bedroom door. I am not happy about it. I am not sure how to handle it.

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Asked by Anonymous at 6:44 AM on May. 15, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (18)
  • IMO either the lock comes off or she can start paying rent. The house is yours and unless she is contibuting income to the house, she shouldn't restrict your access. I would also sit down and talk to her about why she feels the need for the lock. Maybe you can compromise!

    Answer by micheledo at 6:49 AM on May. 15, 2009

  • take the door off the hinges - that would prove a point. privacy under your roof is a privelage. please show her who is in charge - especially if she did this without permission.

    Answer by amommy01 at 7:10 AM on May. 15, 2009

  • We put locking doorknobs on all our daughter's bedroom doors and they have their own key, BUT they also know that I have the spare keys hidden away in my bedroom and will enter their rooms if I feel I have just cause or if I have their permission first. It has worked well so far and they only use the locks to keep each other out from "borrowing" their things without their permission, otherwise, they pretty much keep their doors unlocked.

    If my 20 year old (who does not work) decided she wanted to change the lock on her door so we wouldn't have access at all, we would not allow it to happen. Her ultimatum would be to either pay us rent and act like a true tenant (purchase and prepare own meals, find her own transportation, find another sitter for her infant, and bring her laundry to the laundromat), or the door comes off the hinges.

    When faced with growing up real quick, they realize they just aren't ready at that moment.

    Answer by PrydferthMenyw at 7:20 AM on May. 15, 2009

  • If it were me, the door comes off. Lock or no lock, that's my damn house. I am not going to have my CHILD inadvertently "inform" me that I cannot come into her room that I pay mortgage for. The big thing that needs to be expressed to her is the State may consider her an adult but since I birthed her that means I outrank the State. NO locks in my house. If she wants privacy then move the hell out and pay rent. If not? Then be the obedient CHILD that I raised and remember your manners. That is a slap in your face and rude beyond belief. Does she seriously believe that you won't do anything about it?

    If you allow the lock to stay you are allowing her to disrepect you. You should draw up a contract and charge her rent. She should be responsible for her part of ALL utilities and that means her doing her own laundry, furnishing her own food and transportation. Crack that whip Momma.

    Answer by lilbit022009 at 7:46 AM on May. 15, 2009

  • me i totally agree!

    Answer by JessieK79 at 8:52 AM on May. 15, 2009

  • The question is, why is she locking the door? I agree that it is your house and you must have access to all areas. What if there was a fire, or someone broke in, or she passed out in her sleep? At the very least you should have a key so you may enter if need be.
    Only grown ups are allowed to lock the doors and it sounds as though even though she's 18 and thinks she is, she really isn't. Grown ups work and pay their own way and don't depend on anybody.

    Answer by dflygirl7 at 10:03 AM on May. 15, 2009

  • I put a lock on my door when i was 15 and i came home from school one day to find it taken off and i didnt have a door knob. my mom told me that when i moved out of her house she will give it back to me and i could put it on my bedroom dor then lol. I wasnt to happy about it but neither was my mom. but if she has it locked to keep younger brothers or sisters out then let her keep it and tell her you have to have a copy of the key. This way the younger ones cant always get into her room but you can. But make sure she knows that till she starts paying rent there is nothing stoping you from walking right in.

    Answer by Shelii at 10:23 AM on May. 15, 2009

  • your house your rules remove the lock...

    Answer by okmommy08 at 10:32 AM on May. 15, 2009

  • This is a major fire hazard. Also, it is your house and you get to make the rules. If she wants a locked room, she will be able to legally sign a lease on her 18th birthday.

    Answer by rkoloms at 10:34 AM on May. 15, 2009

  • First you need to find out why she put the lock on the door. Is someone going in her room and taking things without her permission? It could be a privacy thing. I would tell her that the lock has to come off. A family meeting needs to be held about privacy and that NO ONE goes into another persons room without their permission, including the parents. It doesn't matter if it is your house or not, children still deserve privacy and respect.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:39 AM on May. 15, 2009

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