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My 17 year old daughter is pushing my buttons, big time!

She is a great girl, fun, creative and very moody (adhd) !! Does not like rules and she thinks she owns the world (sorry, she still has rules at our house!)..... has a great friend just finished his 1st year, college out of state. Good boy, sweet, very independent and way more freedom than she has. gay, so there is no love connection between them. They are best friends and have been together every second since his return. The problem: She seems to have forgotten all of her other friends, is a snot to us when we set limits on visits/times he needs to go home, etc. He seems to need her and she seems to be falling for that.....He is a very nice boy, but they play off each other even with our rules.....seems I have two teenagers connected at the hip I now have to deal with.....?

 
mamanoos

Asked by mamanoos at 10:41 AM on May. 15, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

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Answers (11)
  • Well I understand what your are going through, it is tough! to deal with teenagers and adding ADD/ADHD it does not make it easy, I have one of mine a 16 with the same situation. I think it is a matter for them to organize their time better, these children are all over from plan A to plan B in a matter of seconds etcs, usually behind that defiant and cool girl, you will find a daughter trying to fit or find her own ways becoming an adult. I agree with one of the answers it is actually worst when you try to separate them, however a good conversation with her and her friend might help... stating that you are happy for their friendship, but they need to organize their time not to left out other people that care for them, like family,other friends maybe or even an activity. Try that on the good side and see what is their reaction, sometimes when my daughter gives me hardtimes I talk with the bf and he helps to maker her understan
    Monica09

    Answer by Monica09 at 12:52 PM on May. 15, 2009

  • The more you fight it the more they are going to disobey. Go with them where ever they want to go or let them go but know where they are going to be. The more my mom fought me to not be with my boyfriend the closer we became. If my mom hadnt been like that though i dont know if i would still be with him. But what i mean is if my mom said i couldnt see him that day or only a fast visit i would just sneak out so let them hang out and or make a compromise they might get sick of eachother if you give them what they want and if you compromise they might get better like my mom promised if i finished school i could get married and i did.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:47 AM on May. 15, 2009

  • (*sigh*) I wish I was a teen again. She sounds like a normal kid to me. Just remember what it was like to be that age, the friends were the most important thing and there was usually one who was more important than the others. Just take a deep breath and hold your ground: this too shall pass!
    ajguinn

    Answer by ajguinn at 10:47 AM on May. 15, 2009

  • I just don't see the problem. Leave her alone. She'll be fine. Snubbying her other friends is something lots of teens do and she'll have to deal with the consequences later. Pick your battles with her or she'll just ignore your rules and work around them.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:48 AM on May. 15, 2009

  • Why don't they both do things together with their OTHER friends?????
    TheFriskyKitty

    Answer by TheFriskyKitty at 11:49 AM on May. 15, 2009

  • I'm jealous! Those were the days... blowing everyone off to be with your best friend. If they aren't drinking, doing drugs, she isn't getting pregnant... and she is happy... she's damn lucky! Be happy for her!!
    PhillyinFrance

    Answer by PhillyinFrance at 12:09 PM on May. 15, 2009

  • My only suggestion is that, if you have not already done so, find a therapist who works with adults who have ADD/ADHD and teaches them how to use it to their advantage. Thom Hartmann has written extensively on this subject; you should be able to find his books at your local library; there is a lot of good information on his website:
    http://www.thomhartmann.com/category/thom/adhd-education/
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 12:36 PM on May. 15, 2009

  • Quit pushing the issues, the more you push the more likely she will be to rebel. She seems to be acting like a normal 17 year old. Encourage them to go out with her other friends as a group.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 4:41 PM on May. 15, 2009

  • I think that at age 17 it is important to dialogue with her or the two of them to see what they feel would be fair rules as far as how often they are together, curfew and things like that. From there you find a compromise, this takes the fight out of the whole ordeal and gives you some perspective as to how mature your daughter is in her thinking. I believe it is important that they be accountable to you as to where they are going to be at all times and with whom. Parenting Teen the Love and Logic Way is a great book I have found. I have a 17 year old son, so know what you are going through. That's my thoughts on the matter. Keep me posted.
    rober

    Answer by rober at 6:26 PM on May. 15, 2009

  • atleast hes gay...soo you dont have to worry about pregnancy or them doing anything stupid...
    hug4akiss

    Answer by hug4akiss at 10:08 PM on May. 15, 2009

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