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its all about the benjamins

we have come to the conclusion that my daughters bff and her family is very competitive.my daughter got a new bike for her birthday.her friend had a big fight with her about what kind of bike it was. her and her mother drove down our dead end street to see the bike.not knowing my daughter was sitting out front.its like can your daughter come over to our house cause its bigger.then she says do you by your daughter a new shirt everyday?its everything that my daughter didnt make the travel soccer team and she does and they were playing and my daughter was doing better so the girl scratched my daughter in the neck and grabbed her shirt.she has to be number one with everything.sports clothes friends.her mother (i think is behind this)i cant handle the comp...my daughter has slight learning dis so doesnt really under stand what she is doing just knows she is hurt.how do we tell them its not all about the benjamins(money)

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:04 PM on May. 15, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (7)
  • I wouldnt let my child associate witha child who acted like that or who had parents like that. I would suggest she make new friends. I would explain to my child that some people just arent happy in life and need to feel better than others.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:11 PM on May. 15, 2009

  • That was one long and jumbled thought. Honestly I got lost 1/2 way though reading it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:14 PM on May. 15, 2009

  • I think I got the gist of it. Yes there are people like that out there and it all boils down to their own insecurity. Make sure you are secure with how youre raising your child and distance yourself from people who provoke competition. My bil is HORRIBLE about this. My dd is 14 and my neice is 15 about to be 16. They are so competitive. My daughter hates it and she wishes that my niece would just love her and accept her like she is without all the competition. I think my niece is fueled by the insecurity of my BIL and SIL. My daughter is advanced placement student but she keeps it quiet because she doesnt want people to view her differently or think shes bragging. Shes very well built and has a beautiful figure but she tries to hide it because she doesnt want comments made. Shes got a lot more going for her than my niece but she just wants to be accepted for who she is and my niece makes a competition about everything. Its sad
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 3:20 PM on May. 15, 2009

  • If you want to let your daughter continue being friends with this other girl, I would let her mother know that it hurts you and your daughter when they act that way. Explain that everybody has different parenting styles and you accept that you're both good moms who are in the same boat trying to do your own personal best to raise your children. (even if you don't think she's doing her best, she probably thinks she is)
    sparrowprincess

    Answer by sparrowprincess at 7:01 PM on May. 15, 2009

  • My kids have friend kind of like this. Anything we get, or get first, they have to do one better. We have a very tight budget, and don't get very many luxuries these days, so we can't play keep up with the Joneses. We just told our kids it really doesn't matter what their friends do in response to what we have. and the kids have their own money (allowance) and have learned if there is something they really want, they have to save up for it. My son is currently saving for a new cell phone--and has managed to save almost $200. As they have gotten older, they value what they have more. If your daughter's friend is this competitive and actually hurts her for doing well at something, I would tell her she can't spend time with that child unless I could be there with her to intervene.
    fairylion

    Answer by fairylion at 7:34 PM on May. 16, 2009

  • It's time to cut ties to this "friend" and her family. Your daughter is being hurt, that is the only part that matters.
    teamquinn

    Answer by teamquinn at 2:38 AM on May. 17, 2009

  • Time to find new friends, it doesn't even have to be a formal "break-up" with the friend, just stop doing stuff with her, and fill that time with new friends - have your daughter join another group, like girl scouts, or a church group, or volunteer somewhere - keep your daughter so busy she won't have time to miss the other girl.
    texassahm

    Answer by texassahm at 11:54 PM on May. 18, 2009

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