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How can I trust after an affair

I just don't know how to trust my dh, he had and affair and lied about ending it, I do not want to lose him, I love him, but it's very hard, after I said to him I would try, I failed, and now he's upset, since he appareantly has been "good". It's been like this for 13 years, me not trusting him enough. Should I end it?, I have two little girls and appareantly I have depression, don't know what to do.

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Asked by Anzures at 3:21 PM on May. 15, 2009 in Relationships

Level 3 (15 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • 13 Years? You need to get over it or move on. I cant believe that he put up with u being untrusting for 13 years..
    Get over it or move on!
    QUIT WASTING HIS TIME!!!!!!!!!!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:25 PM on May. 15, 2009

  • If you think you may have depression, talk with your doctor about what to do. The doctor may refer you to a specialist who can help you. The doctor should also run a physical exam on your to rule out things like anemia or hormonal imbalance. After all of this is taken care of, then get counseling for yourself and maybe couples counseling. After all of this you should be ready to decide what to do. Good luck!

    Answer by Bmat at 3:27 PM on May. 15, 2009

  • First of all, I don't mean to sound rude but you should have never stayed with him in the first place. Ask any woman who has been cheated on in a marriage and I guarentee most of them will tell you it constantly crosses their mind if their husband is really doing what he says he's doing. Is that really a life you want to live? Once that trust is broken, it can never TOTALLY be regained. There is always going to be a little voice in the back of your head questioning your husband and second guessing yourself. You should have left him in the beginning but since you didn't and now it this whole affair is STILL causing problems, I would leave him. It is not right of him to be upset with you for not trusting him because HE is the one that f*ed up in the first place, but it is also not right for you to stick around in a relationship where there is no trust. Get out of it or you're just going to be miserable forever.

    Answer by Ash9724 at 3:29 PM on May. 15, 2009

  • Trusting after he cheated is not an easy thing to do, but you should try to give him the benefit of the doubt. Does it seem like he is trying for you? Does it seem like he is being "good"? Has he given you any reason to be suspicious of his behavior? Take all those things into consideration. I am going through the same thing. It does get better with time if you let it. Just try to trust him this one more time unless he gives you a reason not to, then it's goodbye to him. I believe everyone deserves a second chance.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:51 PM on May. 15, 2009

  • HE"s upset bc you failed to trust him after HE cheated and lied about it? What's wrong with that picture? Ok, no don't leave him. That would be silly if the marriage is salvagable. The trust thing is HIS responsibility not yours. Make him prove to you for the rest of your life that he's not cheating and lying again. How? that's not your problem to figure out how. It's HIS problem. He screwed up (no pun intended) and he can fix it. Don't put this on your shoulders for his bad behavior. However, you do have to believe in the relationship or not. That part is up to you. When SO and I get into it I tell him that I'm tired of pulling the weight of the relationship and for him to take over and fix it or hit the door. Funny how they shape up and take over. Men love to run the show. Tell him to do his job and fix what's broken so you don't even have to worry about it anymore.

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:53 PM on May. 15, 2009

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