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I need some discipline tips for the kids

Can someone give 5-10 different yet effective ways to discipline my 11 yr boy & 4 yr old girl without being physical and without raising my voice? I'm not a fan of spankings.

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Asked by chefmommami at 3:59 PM on May. 15, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

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Answers (11)
  • check out the book "The no-cry discipline solution" i just finished reading it and it was great :)

    Answer by llansky at 4:10 PM on May. 15, 2009

  • Get the book 1-2-3 It's Magic. Otherwise, take away favorite toys, electronics. Ground from going to friends houses, extra chores. Writing dictionary pages (the older one), the younger one can write letters of the alphabet. Both are old enough to talk to and be reasoned with. Discuss the rules and consequences with them.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 4:37 PM on May. 15, 2009

  • Most important is that you are always consistent
    Next, do what you say; carry out your threats/punishments
    Reward good behaviour - we had lots of success with reward charts
    Punishments that worked for us: putting blanket in the closet, no TV for two days, no friends for a weekend

    Answer by rkoloms at 4:37 PM on May. 15, 2009

  • I'm a big fan of rewarding good behavior to encourage it and discouraging bad behavior by not giving it attention if it's not serious or if it is I cut right to the quick and pick the most effective but appropriate punishments I can.

    Once for example my daughter stole something from school when she was 6. And I made her give her favorite toy to the classroom. My daughter values her favorite things greatly. She was hugely upset about this but never was there any stealing again.

    Answer by TabathaM at 6:40 PM on May. 15, 2009

  • Make the punishment fit the crime. If I catch my son playing with a toy when he's supposed to be cleaning his room, that toy gets taken away for a while. If my daughter throws her clothes all over the floor, I take control of her dresser/closet (I installed a lock on the upper outside of her closet door and put the dresser inside; she hates not being able to choose her own clothing). I am with you on the screaming thing. I can't stand a "yelling" house. There's nothing I hate worse than seeing a parent screeching at their child.

    Answer by sparrowprincess at 6:58 PM on May. 15, 2009

  • The 1-2-3 magic program!! You can get the book and/or the DVD. For more info go to


    Answer by maggiemom2000 at 9:19 PM on May. 15, 2009

  • Let me tell you what really works.... I call it punishment food..
    I make bake fish w/o seasoning, beets, mix veggies, or what ever.. The catch is do not put any seasoning on their food. Also, make food they do not like to eat and nothing else. If he/she is hungry they have any choice but to eat it. It works!

    Answer by Elizabeth1837 at 5:31 PM on May. 16, 2009

  • I'm not a fan of spanking either, and I don't use that punnishment with my kids. I have a 14 year old boy, and an 11 year old girl. We generally get good results with sending them to their rooms, taking away privileges ( no friends, no computer, no cell phone, etc) and grounding. For a while, all my son would respond to is taking away part of his allowance--$1 for not doing a chore, or for arguing when I told him to do something--that kind of thing. My daughter is VERY strong willed and sometimes our relationship is rocky. She got in trouble at school and got grounded, and she had to do a report for my husband about the effects of drugs when she got in trouble at school for snorting crystal light last school year. We also bought a book called "the Strong Willed Child" by Dr. James Dobson.

    Answer by fairylion at 7:28 PM on May. 16, 2009

  • I think you have to agree on rules/punishment that have a link to the goal. For example, for issues in grade or school behaviour, ground them (and remove PC,etc.), as it gives them time to work or think about how to improve.

    For chores, we give an allowance. IMO an allowance also gives them some control over what they want/buy in terms of 'extras', and gets them off my back. And if they didn't do their chores, no allowance. We also give our kids opportunities to make extra money (like car wash, mowing lawn or a special clean up job). The only exception I'd have is if you think they should pick up their room/stuff, they can't go out until that is done. (you'd be amazed at what they can pick up in 5 minutes when their friend is at the door!)

    And yes, try to focus on postive encouragement (w/o specific rules). For ex., a good report card suggest they invite a friend over and go out for ice cream or a movie.

    Answer by PhillyinFrance at 4:00 AM on May. 17, 2009

  • I used poker chips as rewards, like money - they could cash in at the end of the week. They come in three different colors so red: 1pt, blue 2pts and white 3pts. Depending on the chore they've done they get whatever color chip. Room being cleaned at bedtime is 1pt. bigger jobs get more points. You can also, take away chips for misbehavior.
    I read the book "How to behave, so my children will, too" it has a list of chores by age. I have also, ready 1-2-3 magic. But learned more from the first book. it also, has rewards, as based on ages.

    Answer by SassySue123 at 10:12 PM on May. 17, 2009

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