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Lack of Sex. Ohhh my.

Okay So hubby is 31 and Im almost 26. He never wants to have sex. Well once in awhile. But when Im like we should everyday he looks at me like Im crazy and I can take that idea and shove it. When we have sex it is not boring and we try new things. Im actually the one that likes to try new things and do just about whatever he is not. He is pretty plain jane. i wasnt him to take control and be more agressive. But first we have to have sex. I think we might have 4 times since Ive been pregnant. But never had it alot before getting pregnant either. I need your ladies help. What can I do.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:30 PM on May. 15, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • It sounds like your DH is like mine. I'd be happy with once a month if I had to instead of every 7 weeks or so. He suffers from mild depression, PTSD and I'm pretty sure a low testosterone level, although he's never had that checked. The worst part is he's been like this since I've known him, I'm now 47 and he's 25, I too am at a loss as to what to do.

    When we do have sex, all I can say is HOLY COW!! It's one of the most incredible things ever, but I'd almost trade the mind blowing stuff for getting it a little more often. We've tried the lingerie, candles, etc, etc,.... nothing really works. Before anyone asks, No, he isnt' on any meds for the depression/PTSD, I know those things tend to kill your sex drive. He says he's been like this as long as he can remember, he'd lost gf's in high school cuz he wasn't interested. lol Not the kind of reputation most guys would want.
    (continued next block)

    daisy521

    Answer by daisy521 at 4:58 PM on May. 15, 2009

  • I'm sure you've tried the lingerie? Candles, bubble baths, massages?
    lilbit022009

    Answer by lilbit022009 at 4:31 PM on May. 15, 2009

  • maybe he is scared that he may hurt you or the baby and my DH is 33 and oh my i can't get him off me some times. Just try and make it more interesting. or google sex101.com
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:34 PM on May. 15, 2009

  • Okay yes I have tried lingerie. He can be so into a sport or whatever its not enought to make him even turn a head. He dont really like the candles and bubble bath thing. And I do try and make it more interesting but he is not so willing. He just likes plain jane sex. And as for baby. It was pretty much the same before getting pregnant just had sex a little more.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:42 PM on May. 15, 2009

  • Maybe your husband senses that you want sex just for the sake of sex and not because of your overwhelming love for him. I also wonder if you are subtly putting him down and making him feel less like a real man because he's not just exactly what you want him to be. One of the things a man most needs from his wife is admiration and respect. If he's not getting those things from you, he is crushed on the inside. Men don't talk about this stuff the way women do. When their needs aren't being met, they are screaming it from the roof tops. Men just keep it all inside. Maybe you should try telling him what a wonderful husband, father, and provider he is. Point out all of his good points, not just to him but to friends and family, in his presence. A man with low self-worth will act pretty much like a woman with the same set of emotions. Sounds to me like that may be what you are dealing with.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 4:52 PM on May. 15, 2009

  • Sorry about that, but even if I'm not much help, as least you know you aren't in this alone. I'm in a group here for that very problem, although it's been pretty quiet lately.

    Good luck
    daisy521

    Answer by daisy521 at 4:59 PM on May. 15, 2009

  • Ya well he wont get it checked out and Im sure it is embarrasing. He uses excuses like he just cant get it up but he can he just doesnt want to I asked him if it was me in any way he said absolutly not. He just acts like he is someone who is lazy. Maybe because sometimes I want sex but it may take me a little while to get in the mood and thats to much work for him. We use to have sex all the time when it was new several times a day. Now once a day is all I get when I get it and he acts like it cant get up again more then once a day. And did I mention it dont even last long enough for me to even get mine.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:10 PM on May. 15, 2009

  • I agree with the answer that maybe he feels un appreciated. My husband and I got into a big fight one day because of this. I think men have this underlying feeling of needing to be appreciated for what they do. Also, alot of times my husband wants me to make the first move and tell him I want him. Stress also has alot to do with it. I notice my husband wants it less when he is stressed and tired. It is hard for him to concentrate on the sex and enjoy it. My best answer for you is to try watching porn with him. My husband and I watch it together and it really gets you in the mood and makes the sex alot more exciting. It doesn't have to be a cheasy, 80's one. There are lots now that are decent. Also there are websites were you can rent them online, like what you do with Netflix or blockbuster. This is not for some people, but if you are open minded and have tried everything else, you never know.
    moviemom22

    Answer by moviemom22 at 5:25 PM on May. 15, 2009

  • did you say you get it once a day??isnt that enough? id LOOVE to get it at least once a day! lol but yeah try making him feel appreciated,.love on him etc..im sure it'll all turn out!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:30 PM on May. 15, 2009

  • No I dont get it once a day. LOL. I rarely get it. But when we do have sex its only once in a day. When we use to several times a day. I wish it were once a day to.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:51 AM on May. 18, 2009

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