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What do u do when all discipline methods do not work??

I am totally at my wits end with me 5 year old daughter. My husband and I have tried all disiciplinary actions we know to try. Punishments have included, groundings, loosing all types of entertainment, not allowing her to spend a night with anyone, no TV time, no game time, time outs and even spanking. Absolutely noone of these are working for us. Doesn't matter what we do she will not stop. We tell her no about something and she literally throws herself in the floor kicks and screams and acts like a total idiot. We used to just try and ignore this behavior but it has only gotten worse over the years and she is gettin to old to continue this behavior. Could someone please give me some suggestions, I am at a total lose???

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Asked by redtang912 at 9:22 PM on May. 15, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • This is not normal for a five year old. You may want to consider getting her evaluated.

    Answer by rkoloms at 9:27 PM on May. 15, 2009

  • When a child is lacking certain skills, no amount of rewards and punishment will work. You need to find a way to teach her the skills that she needs. This may mean getting some professional help.
    I can't quite tell from what you describe but a book like "The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children" by Ross W. Greene
    Here is some info on the book "Flexibility and tolerance are learned skills, as any parent knows if they've seen an irascible 2-year-old grow into a pleasant, thoughtful, and considerate older child. Unfortunately, for reasons that are poorly understood, a few children don't "get" this part of socialization. Years after toddler tantrums should have become an unpleasant memory, a few unlucky parents find themselves battling with sudden, inexplicable, disturbingly violent rages"
    Look it up on amazon! It may be the best $10 ever spent!

    Answer by maggiemom2000 at 9:27 PM on May. 15, 2009

  • As th other posters suggested I would seek professional help by starting with an evaluation. I say this because I went through this with one of my children and it only gets much much worse. They learn to adapt without the things you are taking away, they learn that a spanking is only pissing you off and tiring you out. My daughter had gotten to the point being in trouble was a daily routine. If I had known then the things I know now I could have intervened. Please do seek help for her.

    Answer by VaDivaMom at 9:38 PM on May. 15, 2009

  • See your pediatrician. There may be a medical condition at the root of this.

    My son also had issues with discipline, with certain areas of motor control and with hypersensitivity to loud noise. These were eventually diagnosed as Asperger's Syndrome. He's now getting help and it's made a huge difference.

    Answer by gdiamante at 11:46 PM on May. 15, 2009

  • It also maybe NOT be a medical problem.It's called a tantrum! My daughter is 5 and she reacted the same way till we found something that worked!When she started these fits she was pickuped carried straight tp her bed and laid down repeatedly! Until she calmed down.As long as she cried an screamed she was in her bed or room!

    However,she has ADHD but she acted this way b4 diagnoised! I am NOT saying that her DR shouldn't be clued in on the behavior that she is exhibiting but ur post sounds a lot like exp w/ my daughter she is not got anything serious she just needed structure and consistency to cope wee,she got overwhelmed easily.It is our job to provide structure and in turn comfort and stability!

    Good Luck!

    Answer by mommyhero at 3:24 AM on May. 16, 2009

  • Getting her away from anyone as soon as she starts might help. My son just turned 7 and he has a bad habit of throwing a fit and getting whiney. Ive started to send him to his room as soon as the first whine leaves his lips. Its working now if he starts and i say go 2 ur room he stops and acts normal again. Hope it helps u too.

    Answer by tigger420_3 at 11:48 AM on May. 16, 2009

  • My daughter was like that. She still is sometimes but we took her to counseling about 2 months ago and it made a world of difference. She was constantly grounded and unhappy. I haven't had to ground her once in the last two months. I still have to send her to her room to cool off but nothing like it used to be.

    Answer by sadira29 at 10:53 PM on May. 16, 2009

  • You mention several punishment strategies which have not worked. Have you ever tryed a more positive approach? Do you ever catch her demonstrating the behavior you want her to do and praising/reinforcing that behavior? I don't know what her bad behaviors are, but for example. You want her to stop hitting. When you catch her using "nice touches" or "easy hand" you praise her by saying,"I really like the way you are using nice hands" and she gets a reward and praise from you. So much of the time kids hear us constantly saying,"Stop hitting, stop whining, stop running.etc" They need to her what we want them to do and then be rewarded when they do the appropriate things. To get a good behavior to increase, kids need to be praised/rewarded. They need to hear three times more comments about the good behavior instead of hearing all the time about the bad behavior. Good Luck!

    Answer by LovetoTeach247 at 11:36 AM on May. 17, 2009

  • As I read all the answers I would like to warn you of my experiance with my 6 year old son. We are still dealing with the behavior problems. I took him to the doctor which refered us to mental health for an evaluation. The therapist we saw was very pushy on all our buisness with stuff that don't have anything to do with why we were there. He even tried getting me to leave my 6 year old son in a room alone with him with the door closed and me in the waiting room. When I denied his request he wondered why I just simply said I don't trust you I don't even know you!! Then he acted like I was doing something wrong.

    All I am saying is be careful if you seek help cause I would not trust anyone with my kids alone unless I have known them for years and thats still pushing it. Best of luck to you I feel your pain and annoyance

    Answer by AMYBARNEY at 12:59 PM on May. 18, 2009

  • My daughter turns 6 in October, and she still throws the occassional tantrum. Only now its with less kicking but more pouting and hand-wringing.
    Have her evaluated to rule anything medical out... and then start fresh with timeouts, but be consistent. If you say something carry it out and thats it. No arguing... no eyecontact... walk away.

    Also bear in mind that she may be acting out due to the attention you may be giving her sibling. My daughter acts whiny and bratty when I spend time with her little brother.

    Good luck with everything. hugs.

    Answer by ThornieBrae at 10:44 AM on May. 22, 2009

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