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We can't agree on kids?

My DH has a son from a previous relationship. When we first started going out he said that he wanted to have another someday. Ok well 2 years down the road we get married and I want to start trying he seems to think i should be happy with my step son. Obviously knowing that i would never agree to that we do start trying and I concieve my son. Now he's happy I had him, but my dream is ot have a big family, maybe like 4 kids of my own. His step son, and his step son's sisters all love me but they treat me like a babysitter and not a parent. I want kids of MY own that love me as their mother. DH doesn't want anymore, and although he agreed to try again next year, he feels like im pushing him into it, but if we dont try i feel like my dream is being taking away. He keeps pushing the fact that he has another son, but i keep reminding him exactly but he's not my son. I love DH but idk what to do???


Asked by merlola at 12:59 AM on May. 16, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (5)
  • 2 kids is NOT a lot to have. My Aunt had 10 and took in one of her nieces. Hey I made a deal with my Boyfriend. We have two daughters togeather and he was hesitant on having another but I pointed out that I am the one doing all the caring for of the two we have! We're having a third daughter June 17th via c-section and I only got her cause I suffered a tubal pregnancy this time last year and a miscarriage in September of last year. He felt bad and seen how miserable I was thinking that I may not be able to carry any more or maybe that something was wrong with me. I would like to have number four in two years if possible.
    That's pretty crappy if he's all a sudden backing out on his word like that. I know how you must feel. Tell him how important it is to you and be honest about your feelings on wanting one of your own.

    Answer by jennifer8585 at 5:40 AM on May. 16, 2009

  • 2 kids is a lot to have. Do you guys have enough money? Stable jobs? Maybe he doesn't think it's time and that you're pushing him too hard.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:04 AM on May. 16, 2009

  • You have to keep in mind EXACTLY what was discussed when you had these conversations. Did he say he wanted to have another child, or did he say he wanted more children? Maybe having just one more is what he always had in mind. Either way, if your husband really is opposed to having more children, then it can't possibly healthy for your marriage if you hold this over his head and keep brooding over it. Really you should be happy about what you DO have instead of pissing and moaning and guilt tripping your husband about what you DON'T.

    Answer by BaisMom at 1:21 AM on May. 16, 2009

  • I can see where your coming from and I don't think your in the wrong for wanting to fulfill your dreams. I really don't know what to say except that sucks that you guys both have such different wishes. Good luck. I think and I think if you give up to easily on it you may have animosity toward him in the future so maybe it's best you guys talk more about it.

    Answer by michelle0228 at 1:44 AM on May. 16, 2009

  • Bais mom - I'm not guilt tripping him, nor am i pissing and moaning to him! Why should i give up my dream when im the one taking care of the kids anyway! Even when his son and his son's sisters are here im watching them and taking care of them not him! I get up in the middle of the night with our son, feed him, change his diapers, makes sure that he's clean. We can afford it after october of this year cuz our trailer will be paid off, and I dont plan on trying until next year. He keeps flip flopping on me. One minute he's telling that we will try for a second and I might be able to talk him into a 3rd or 4th, 5 years after the 2nd. The next he's telling me he'd rather just have our son, will still try for #2 but no way will we have 3 or 4!

    Answer by merlola at 10:33 AM on May. 16, 2009